The Illusion of Fidelity: Is it just as good as the real thing?

Every woman wants a faithful man. A man who takes care of home, remembers favorite colors, important dates and little hints like, "I love that dress," made on a whim. We want him to be there when he says he's gonna be and call if something comes up; to make the bedroom rock at least a few nights out of each work week and only, only, ever, ever, ever give it to us. We can agree on that right?

But how bad is say, 8 out of 10, really? I mean, what if he's everything you want him to be and does everything you imagined your knight would do, with the exception of exclusivity? Is the illusion of fidelity enough?



I'd gotten to the point some time ago -- I mean scraping the bottom of the man barrel, y'all -- when I thought that perhaps it was. Long as the rent gets paid on time, he doesn't slack off at home and he always crawls in bed next to me before the sun comes up, I thought I might be cool with that. I mean, his phone isn't ringin all crazy after hours, random bitches aren't knockin on the door proclaiming they're fucking my man and unreasonable amounts of money aren't unaccounted for ... Maybe that could work. Admittedly, I'm not completely past this thinking.

Call me jaded, but I feel like the alternative, "you must never place your penis anywhere else for the next 80 years until you die," is scary to most men at best (hell, its scary to me) and unreasonable, borderline impossible, at worst.


You tell me, does it really matter if he occasionally gets it in? (Protected, of course, and I'm not talkin about a full blown emotional love affair).

What do y'all think? Is the illusion of fidelity as good as the real thing? Perhaps it's just good enough. It should be noted tho, that a guy who is sleepin around has to put in some real hard work to keep our women's intuition quiet and our investigative skills at bay. I dunno maybe that's worth somethin. Just sayin.

Hit up the survey to the right, please and thank ya.

-- Mel

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Blinded by Love: How much would you take?

The basis of any relationship is trust, right? Whether it’s a friendship, a business partnership a love affair … There are rules and there are boundaries and you trust the other person to govern themselves accordingly.

Of the list of a lover’s expectations, the biggest has gotta be fidelity. Aside from a few of you freakier ones, (shouts), most of us want the man we’re with to only want to be with us. Moreover, regardless as to what he might fantasize about, we fully expect for him to only actually manifest that imagination in our bed. That’s the agreed upon standard.

But what about all the gray between what might be considered harmless flirtation and actual cheating? Where do you draw the line? How much would you take?

An actual recounted experience brought this question to mind. A while back a gal acquaintance was goin thru it with her man at the time. He had this friend at work who seemed to be a little more than a friend. She’d caught him taking long lunches with this chick and lying about it, having flowers sent to her department for her birthday and shyt. He explained all that away with the “Oh we’re just friends. I love her like a sister.” Fine. Then, my girl came across a few out of the way text messages on her man’s phone from this chick.

“Have time for breakfast in the morning? Call me.” “Gnite, sleep tite. XOXOXO,” “Sweet dreams. C U Tmrw!”

WTF? I mean, nothing blatantly, blatantly sexual, but absolutely and undeniably incriminating, none the less. How many friends of the opposite sex do you have that you text good night? C’mon. I was really disturbed by the whole ordeal, but it wasn’t enough for her to be convinced that he was shady. Quite frankly, nothin short of actually catchin her man with his dick in this chick’s mouth was gonna be enough for her.

And true story, that’s exactly what happened. Well she didn’t exactly catch him, but it got back to her that something had gone down in the company parking lot between her man and ole girl.

She confronted him about it and he was like, “I ain’t have sex with that girl, she just sucked my d*ck. I wasn’t gonna f*ck her.” Wow, for real? True story.

And amazingly, that relationship didn’t time out for another several months. Crazy.

But I’ve kinda been there myself. I can recall relationships where I let a whole lotta shyt go with a boyfriend’s blasé excuse. Extra late nights, unaccounted for nights, phone vibratin all at 2 and 3 in the morning, even missing condoms. (Am I the only one who’s counted?)

“Didn’t we have 7 left?”

“Nah, I dropped one. It’s probably under the bed somewhere.”

That’s the kinda shyt I was OK with. The operative word being was. It’s a new day, ladies.

Which brings me to the question, how much would you take? Are late night text messages okay? What about hugs hello, is that cool? Birthday flowers? Kisses on the cheek? Standing lunch dates? Where do you draw the line in your romantic relationship and how much of your trust is actual faith in fidelity and how much is blind love? How dyou know if (and/or when) your man is pulling the wool over your eyes? Just askin.

-- Mel

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