Ask Melyssa: Wedding proposal or chastity insurance?

Dear Melyssa,

My boyfriend of three years just proposed to me. I’ve been waiting on him to pop the question for at least a year and I should be the happiest girl in the world right now. But I’m concerned that the only reason he even asked is to keep me faithful while he’s away.

We’ve gone back and forth about his failing to propose in recent months and he always said the same thing, he’s just not ready. Then, he got word form his ship (he’s a sailor) that he’d have to deploy for six months, and voila! He pops up with a ring. I wanna accept whole heartedly ( I already told him yes) but I have my reservations. Does the timing even matter? Am I just being silly. I mean, this man loves me and I love him.

-- Unsure

Dear Unsure,

Wedding proposal or chastity insurance? I’m gonna say there’s a bit of both in your new fiance’s proposition. I’m sure he loves you deeply and sees you as the woman he wants to eventually marry, I just don’t know if he really wants to marry you right now. He’s practically said as much, right? But all of the sudden, right before he gets sent of for six months, he wants to wrap up his deal with you. Mhm. At some point, he may have gotten down on one knee, but he would absolutely not be doing it now if it weren’t for Uncle Sam’s summons. I’ve never been married (though I have turned down one proposal), but I’m gonna have to advice you to temporarily pass.

If he wants to marry you now, and his wishes are sincere, then he’ll wanna marry you in six months when he’s back on state’s side. Why should he have the security that for his entire deployment you’re gonna be waiting for him faithfully, pining away after him, throwing yourself into ribbon-adorned invitations, flowers and pictures of towering wedding cakes. Ha!

I say, let him squirm a little. Tell him, your engagement is something that really special and you want to be able to share it with him and you’d like to hold off on that engagement until he’s home and able to be a part of the planning and the excitement. And by the way, you do deserve that. Tell him you’re thrilled that he wants to spend his life with you, but this six months away from each other will also be a test of your relationship. Let’s get through that before we start making wedding announcements, k?

Best of luck, whatever you decide. Lemme know how it turns out!

XOXOX,

Mel

Read More...

Ask Melyssa: She want that old thing back

Dear Melyssa,

I’m a 28-year-old, single educated woman with no kids who just recently got back in touch with my high school sweetheart. We hadn’t spoken in years before a few months ago, but once we reconnected it was effortless. Back in the day, I was the one who broke things off. When I saw him again recently, he told me how he’d always been in love with me and had never stopped thinking about me. We ended up sleeping together. Here’s the predictable part -- Of course he’s married with two kids.

Yeah, got married about a year after high school. But his wife recently put him out and filed for divorce. He was devastated. He wanted counseling, a family vacation and to get back in church to help repair the marriage. She wouldn’t have any of it. So now, he’s paying child support, seeing his kids a couple times a week and staying with his cousin. He is not contesting the divorce, but at the same time, he doesn’t really want it. He wants his family and is still kinda holding out hope that she’ll rescind the papers. Like he’ll say stuff like, “if I get divorced …” I’m thinking, "what you mean, ‘if?’ Nigga, you got served!"

I am being really, really patient, Mel. We talk on the phone all the time and I listen to how he misses sending his kids off to school, how he doesn't understand how why his wife is so willing to throw away their marriage, how he never thought he'd be divorced, how he's not sure if he should work to fight for the relationship ... UGH! When will he just accept it!?

And at the same time, he says I’m perfect for him and how he misses me and wants to see me again and some more stuff ... Girl, he’s confused and he’s confusing my ass too.

I know this is all new to him and a tad bittersweet (me entering his life while his wife leaves his life) but how long am I supposed to wait for him to get his act together and accept that his old life is over and move onto a new life with me? It’s only been a few months, but we know each other well and this could definitely work out long term. Plus, he's a good dude, believes in the sanctity of marriage and has never cheated before. He's really perfect. So am I being completely foolish in this or what?

-- Reluctantly patient

Dear Reluctantly Patient,

Ah this sounds so familiar! What is this, like a running theme? Damned Myspace. You didn'y say you hooked back up on myspace but it had to be that social networking site from satan. Anway, where do I even begin? First of all the man is going through a huge transition period. Really, not even, because he hasn’t completely let go of the marriage yet. He doesn’t want his wife to leave him. He was put out. He doesn’t want a divorce, he was served papers. He won’t be able to even begin transitioning into his new life as a divorced man until he’s divorced. And then, who’s to say he’ll want to jump right back into another monogamous, committed ready-made relationship right out the gate, and should he at some point be ready to settle down again, even after juts being so irrevocably burned, who’s to say it’ll be with you? I mean, the man was married at a young age and went on to father two kids … he might just get his second wind, wanna sow some oats or something for a year or two and plunge himself back in the dating pool. And again, once he’s had his fill, who’s to say he’ll retire with you?

I think there are way too many variables happening here for you to be staking anything substantial on this might-be-relationship – namely, your heart.

So yes, you are being completely foolish, and no, you should absolutely not be waiting for him. You might just miss your blessing pining away over this man who is not ready and may not be any time soon, if ever.

Let him go, let him go through what he has to go through, let him heal from it and let him come to you when he’s able and willing to give himself to you.

-- Mel

PS Do you really want a divorced dude with two kids anyway? It's too early to be scrapin. Also, he's still married, till he gets divorced. Just throwin that out there.

Read More...

Things Fall Apart: We made plans, now he wants out

Dear Melyssa,

Me and my man have been together since high school. We are both recent college grads now. The whole time we’ve been together we’ve planned on getting married and having a family one day. I’ve always known he was the one for me and I though he felt the same way.

Lately, a lot has happened in his life. His grandfather who raised him died, got 15 years in jail for some dumb shit and he got a scholarship to grad school in another state, after I moved to Texas, where we now live, to be with him. Not only does he want to take the scholarship, which I can’t really be mad at, even though we both agreed we do out grad studies in Texas, now he’s sayin he doesn’t even want to be with me anymore. He needs some space and time to think. What the fuck does that mean, space and time to think?

-- Falling Apart

Dear Falling Apart,

In a couple of words, it means he wants to fuck other chicks. …

Not taking away from the forever life-altering changes he’s been thru lately -- some good, some bad -- But those are the kinds of things that bring two people who love each other and want to be together, together. Two people bond over death, over the separation of loved ones ... It’s what makes a mourning person so vulnerable. It’s what makes the hazing process so successful.

I’m sure he’s every bit as devastated about some of these events as he tells you he is. But I don’t think I can ride with that being the primary reason for his wanting to cut official ties with you. Ya’ll have been together since you were babies. I think he may just wanna explore his options and open up his horizons. You might wanna do the same.

Mean time, in between time, don’t fret too bad. He’ll be back at least a few times before it’s over for good, if it’s destined to be over for good. These drawn out, been-together-since-French-class relationships never end so cleanly. There’s always the back and forth before the final break.

While you're going through all that tho, the best thing you can do is to be cool and not clingy. He wants to keep it movin, allow him to. Trust, he can't stand the thought of you lyin up under some other dude anymore than you want to face the inevitability of him giving it to another chick. If you maintain the proper temperature about this, you could possibly completely turn the tables, have him wondering why you're so able to deal with his sudden announcement that he wants to break it off after all these years. What you got on the back burner that allows you to take the news so well? What are you doin at midnite, 2 and 3 a.m. that you're not callin his phone to see what he's doin? But don't just fake it, do it. Get out and mingle.

This separation doesn’t have to be all bad. Cheer up, and congrats to both of you for doin the damn thing and headin to grad school straight outta undergrad. You inspire me. : )

-- Mel

Donell Jones said it best …

Enjoying the space here? Nominate me for a Black Weblog award. I'm going for "Blog to Watch" or "Best New Blog." Thank ya kindly.

Read More...

Ask Melyssa: Stuck between my ex-man and the next man

Dear Melyssa,

My man and I have lived together for two years, but about six months ago, we broke up. Our lease isn’t up yet though, and neither one of us wants to break it. Plus, we can’t afford to move out and live alone right now, so instead we’re just sleeping in separate bedrooms waiting another six months for the lease to run out and saving up money to go our own ways.

We’ve been pretty good about being civil, I still cook every night, we still talk in the evenings and we have had sex since the break up, though not in the past couple of months. He dates other women, and doesn’t come home sometimes, but he hasn’t brought anyone around the apartment. Well, I want to …

I have no problem with what he does with anybody else, but recently I met someone. I’m really feeling this dude and he’s really feeling me. But he’s having a hard time dealing with the fact that I live with my ex-man. He’s never been to my place and thinks that I’m keeping him away because I’m still with my man. I’m not. But the new guy says he won’t believe me until he can come over like a regular relationship. Hang out, eat dinner, stay the night … like a real boyfriend.

My thing is this, my ex-man has been really respectful and discreet about what he does and I feel like I kinda owe him the same respect. But does it even really matter since we’re not even together anymore? I’m gonna fuck around and lose my new guy if I don’t make a decision. What should I do?

-- Between a Rock and a Hard Place

PS. I'm not ready to move in with the new guy and FYI, he hasn't offered anyway.

Dear Between a Rock and a Hard Place,

I’m afraid you’re not gonna wanna hear this, but unfortunately, you’re really not in a position to move on right now. Though you may have emotionally moved past your relationship with your live-in – tho being that the two of you just got it in two months ago, I’m not even sure about that – You’re not in a position where you can reasonably physically move on and that’s a big part of a relationship … physical presence. Your new guy’s absolutely right. He deserves to be with someone who can be with him … who can cook for him, invite him over for late-night movies and with whom it’s okay to sleep over. You don’t have that kind of situation right now.

The fact that you and your ex-man aren’t technically together right now is really a non-issue. Bringin another dude all up and through the home that you share with him is so not a good idea. It will absolutely create a hostile environment for you for the next six months, until you can comfortably get your own space. And though you may be able to logically win the argument when your man confronts you about your sleepovers, it really doesn’t matter who’s right, if it makes you both miserable. There’s a reason your roommate hasn’t brought his new chicks around you. He doesn’t wanna set that precedence, probably because he knows he couldn’t take it if the shoe were on the other foot. Honestly, what man could?

You’ve got something good here. Half the rent’s paid, your relationship is amicable and you’re both saving up money in a peaceful environment in an effort to part ways, happily. Please don’t rock the boat. If your new man doesn’t understand that, well, I certainly understand him. But sit him down and explain it to him. Who knows, maybe he’ll come around. I mean, it’s only six more months. If he really sees a future with you, he may just stick it out.

Good luck!

-- Mel

Got a query? Want a second opinion? Holla.

If you're enjoying the space here, please nominate me for a Black Weblog Award. Just click the pic below and follow the prompts. I'm going for the category of "Blog to Watch" or "Best New Blog." Preciate ya. :)

Read More...

It’s the Vids or Me: Is porn cheating?

Dear Melyssa,

I can’t take it anymore. Several nights out of the week around 3 a.m. I am awakened to oohs, ahhs and ass-slapping coming through the walls from the computer room. My man has this thing with porn, he watches it entirely too much as far as I’m concerned and our sex life is suffering.

I kinda feel stupid for being jealous of chicks on a screen, but I am. He spends hours on porn and gets back into bed tired and uninterested. WTF? We’ve been together for two years, living together for half that time and I’m about ready to call it quits. It’s not like we haven’t tried things. We’ve made our own videos, but he prefers to watch the pros. I’ve dressed up for him,a ll types a shit … even tried a little back door action which I had NO interest in. I did it for him. I indulge his needs and his fantasies. But I have to draw the line at this.

It’s not even like it’s an “us” thing. He likes to watch them alone. He says I’m overreacting and that every man loves porn. But I got one foot out the door. I love this man, Mel, but do you think I have a big enough reason to leave?

-- Tired of Competing

Dear Tired,

Every man does like porn. I like porn too, actually. (My fav sites are dreammovies(dot)com and magicmovies(dot)com. Great daily evolving selection of flicks and all free. Plus, you can stream full length vids, not that clip bullshit.) Tangent, sorry. But it’s an occasional variation for me. (How dyou think I was able to remain celibate for over 2 years?) Not a necessary five-times-a-week requirement. If I had a regular boyfriend, I’d probably indulge even less.

Perhaps your guy does have a problem, I dunno. but regardless as to whether it’s an unhealthy obsession or a harmless hobby, it bothers you and he doesn’t seem to be concerned with your feelings. I think that’s a bigger deal than analyzing his activity. If you can’t deal with it and it’s a big enough deal that you’re seriously considering leaving, and he refuses to do anything about it, I don’t think he loves you enough.

Sounds like a huge leap, jumping to such a definitive conclusion of his affection for you based on one lil habit. But that’s what love does, right? If you don’t like it, it makes you uncomfortable and I don’t need it anyway, then I won’t do it. Or at the very least I won’t do it in your presence. You can’t even get that respect. He’s got the speakers and shit all up in the next room.

Perhaps an argument over videos isn’t a big enough reason to leave a relationship, but your partner’s refusal to validate and address your feelings while making tangible and conscious strides to fix what you might feel like is a deal-breaker in your relationship, is. Personal opinion.

Two years really isn’t that long, anyway. Chunk the deuce.

-- Mel

Got a query? Want a second opinion? Holla.

Read More...

Ask Melyssa: Am I a hoe?

Dear Melyssa,

I am 20 years old and have been in a relationship with my son’s father since I was 14. For a while he was my first and only. When we broke up I was devastated. I didn’t think I would ever meet another man that knew me so well and could make me feel so good. Boy was I wrong.

Lol, I don’t even want to give you my head count. I’m obsessed with the things that men other than him can do to my body ...



I went so long not knowing what it was like to have multiple orgasms or touch myself. Lol, I’m a straight freak now. Its like my ex had never taught me anything sexually, and now I am learning new things everyday.

My question is, am I a hoe for being “sexually adventurous” with different men? I practice safe sex ALWAYS. And I’m not going to lie and say that I don’t give it up on the first night because I DO. I make it a point to do so. I do that so that I know if I ever plan to see the guy again. It doesn’t bother me that these men may be using me just for sex, because that is ALL I want from them. I have no desire to be in another relationship anytime soon. Please give me your opinion on this.

-- Obsessed with the “D”

Dear Obsessed with the “D,”

Yeah, sounds like it. LOL. Nah I'm just kidding. No, it really does sound like it, but so what. :)

I, for one, loathe derogatory name-calling of the sexual variety. I don't do it. I also identify with where you're at right now with your sexual progression. I lost my virginity at 17 to a guy I remained with for 3 years thereafter. I thought he was blowin it out the frame till I had my second encounter. Third one was even better than that.

But it doesn't end with discovery. Well for me it didn't. I went through phases. First, something of a sexual recluse, ashamed to admit to my girlfriends that I'd given my boyfriend head for the first time, faithful beyond reproach and insistent that because I'd only had sex with one guy we were married in Gods eyes. LOL madness, I know. Then there was the coming into my womanhood phase where I set out to completely own my sexuality. I wasn't lookin for a relationship, but a good time, a great fuck and a new diary entry. Fantastic period by the way. I learned a lot and my girls and I still laugh about somea the drunken debauchery we blessed more than a few non-deserving ass dudes with. Didn't matter to me then, tho. I think that's where you're at.

But I moved past that to a place where no strings attached sex actually lost its shiny new luster and actually became more of a bore. I wanted more. I'm sure you will again, too.

Thing is, this period of your life isn't isolated. It will matter when you do get ready to settle down again. Sullied reputations are hard to clean, and once an ugly name is attached to your character it's difficult to break outta that. No man wants to sport a girl on his arm that three or four other dudes in the room have run through.

I feel your desire to try out the local fair, but be careful not to lose yourself in the process. Perhaps having a relationship right now isn't a priority for you. That's cool, you're really too young to be all tied down and monagamous anyway, but the earning of respect is a different matter. Though I'll never call you a hoe or a slut or any other woman, for that mattter, most of the guys your sleepin with on the first night do. Especially the young ones. It's not fair, it sucks, but that's what it is. And it doesn't matter if you want it just as bad as they do, when a woman lies down with a man, she puts herself, and especially her reputation, in a much more vulnerable state than he does. Nobody cares if a dude runs thru 100 chicks on the same campus, but let a girl get with two frat brothers from the same line, even if its two different semesters! LOL (This, I know from experience). Trust, you don't wanna wear that scarlet letter.

My advice is not to so much concern yourself with somebody else's idea of what a slut or a hoe is - tho to answer your question, your activity probably fits the masses' broad definitions of those ugly words - rather, be safe, be discreet, and above all else be absolutely sure you're getting your due out of the arrangement. I know you say you are, but we're women and we change our minds. Just know that when you do decide you want more ... Well its gonna be hard revisitng old flames who were never required to think of you as deserving more in the first place; and equally difficult to forge new relationships with men to whom your reputation precedes you.

But you're 20. Fuck dyou care? LOL have fun, be safe.

-- Mel


Love me some Lil Wayne ...

Prostitute Flange - Lil Wayne

Read More...

Wanting a married man. Should I?

Dear Melyssa,

I had this fantastic relationship in college. The sex was crazy, dude’s stamina was unsurpassed and for a time, I thought I might have been in love. Then I graduated, left the state and moved on with my life. Recently though – which is years later-- dude found me on Myspace and we’ve been talking. Emails turned into texts. Texts turned into late night convos, which eventually became regular and explosive phone sex a couple times a week. We live a few states a part and are even making plans to meet up for a lil four-day vacay. I am so excited I can hardly contain myself. I haven’t been done the way this guy used to do it since the last time we did it and I am DUE. LOL. Thing is, Mel, he’s married.

I’m not tryin to break up a happy home. He’s given me no illusion that he’s about to leave his wife or anything like that. And I’m not even in a place where I’m lookin for a super committed relationship. But a few sweaty, limb-locking days with this guy would really hit the spot right about now. It’s just sex, right? I know I’m rationalizing, but would you do it?

Damn, Mel, I wanna do it.

-- Wanting a Married Man So Bad

Dear Wanting a Married Man So Bad,

Man, you and me both. So crazy that I have a strikingly similar story to tell. Same thing, I had this torrid affair with a guy in college. Hadn’t seen or heard from him in about five years and hadn’t been with him in even longer. A few months ago he hit me on Myspace. (Myspace is a motherfucker, aint it? Ruinin marriages and getting niggas caught up and shit. Stay off Myspace!) Anyway, the chemistry was soooo the year 2000! I mean damn! It was like no time had passed. We’re talking and shit, reminiscin … “Remember when you used to do that? Remember when I used to do this?” All that shit. Well, dude’s married with two kids. There’s life for ya.

But this guy had me so fucked up, Wanting, that for a minute, I aint even care. Ugly and shameful, I know. So we made plans and he was supposed to come see me. (Yes, I was still celibate at this time, but he’s always been something like a “velvet rope” guy for me. You know the dudes who get the VIP entrance and don’t have to wait like errybody else? That’s another blog). Anyway, he was one of those.

So we began making plans. He was gonna take a trip to my place. I was gonna bake him strawberry cake and we were gonna have a satisfying sexcapade in every room of my apartment. Girl! And then, he pulled out. (No pun intended). Said he couldn’t do it. Said his marriage wasn’t so bad that he could justify stepping out on his wife. Damn. I felt like shit about it but had to respect it. It’s one of the reasons I like him so well anyway. He’s a stand-up guy.

Then a few weeks later, we’re at it again. He doesn’t knw what he was thinking when he cancelled his visit and would give anything to see me. So again, we made plans. Then, I pulled out. This is borderline madness at this point, I know. I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. I mean, as much as I’d like to so, so, so, so, so bad, this dude is somebody’s husband and two other people’s father. That’s kinda deep. I wasn’t tryin to get my blessings cut short.

But damnit if that nigga didn’t reel me right back in. He’s a freak and freaks are had to find, what can I say. So now it’s lookin like October … I’ll let ya’ll know. Don’t tell nobody. : )

Anyway, Wanting, I say all that not to steal your shine – this is about you – but to say, you know the shit is wrong. It’s really about what you can live with. That’s all.

Lemme know how he works it out it works out for ya. : )

-- Mel

Read More...

Once Bi: Can my man really give up men?

Dear Melyssa,

I met this guy about 6 months ago and we’ve been together ever since. He’s perfect, Mel. Fine as hell, good ass job, no kids, never been married, educated, funny, loving, sex off the chain … Dayum! I mean, PERFECT. Until he told me he’s been with a dude before. WTF?

He sat me down and told me he sees no difference between having a relationship with a woman or a man. When he’s looking for a partner, he’s looking for certain characteristics, not necessarily a gender. He told me he’s only had one relationship with a man though and has been with all women before and since. But he says he doesn’t regret it and doesn’t see a problem with it and he could be in a relationship with a man again.

Same time, he says he loves me, wants to be with me, feels completely fulfilled with me and he will not step outside our relationship. The thing about him being with another man in the future is only if at some point we don’t work out.

Mel I’m bout to be 30, grown as hell and not about games. I wanna get married, I wanna have kids and I wanna live a good life and not have to want for anything. This man wants all of those things too and can give them to me. We agree on everything else, but I can’t get this gay shit outta my head. It makes me sick to my stomach every time I think about it. How the fuck am I supposed to get over this? Can I really believe that when we go out he’s not gonna be checkin for dudes? I just don’t know what to do! I want it sooo bad. But damn. A dude?

-- Not So Fine Bi Me

Dear Not So Fine Bi Me,

Love the name. (You so crazy). Damn. Bi? Shit. That’s fuuuuuucked up. LOL. Really though, I gotta give your man props for even comin clean at all about this. I respect his point of view but personally find the shit nasty and unattractive. You sound like you’re settling to me. Why? Don’t you deserve better? I don’t even think the issue is whether or not he’ll actually be monogamous, or whether he’ll be heterosexually monogamous but cheat on you with dudes, or whether you’ll catch him stealing glances at guys on the street, or staying on the boxing channel a couple seconds too long while he’s flippin thru … or any of that. The issue is that whether it’s warranted or not, you will never stop worrying about that shit. Sounds like a set up for misery to me. Don’t do it. And stop making it so hard for you to make the decision you know you need ot make by saying he’s perfect in every other way. That nigga’s not perfect, he likes dick! So fuckin what he makes good money and makes you laugh! So what he’s never been married and doesn’t have kids. Wonder why? LOL.

For real tho, you deserve better so you have to require better.

About the homo shit tho, at some point, it’s gonna come out. He says he can only be with you, but if he likes dick, he likes dick. At some point it will become a struggle for him. Even if he’s strong enough to resist, do you want to lie next to a man havin that kind of inner turmoil? Fantasizin about the delivery dude at work and shit while he’s on top of you? Even if he’s not hittin dude off. Don’t even do it to yourself and please don’t delay in ending this relationship. It will only become more difficult to do what you need to do, which s to leave it alone.

-- Mel

Got a query? Holla.

Read More...

Bought & Paid For: Earning sex on the side

Dear Melyssa,

A good friend of mine is engaged to a constant cheater. I want to stop her from making the biggest mistake of her life but I don’t know how to do it without alienating her and ruining our friendship, or making her think I’m jealous (I’m not married myself).

She thinks she’s found the perfect man, and on paper, he does look pretty good. He has a great job, handles all the bills, sends her on vacays with the girls and shopping trips and just takes good financial care of her. But he’s been caught at least five times in the past year with other women. Each time, my friend is destroyed. She’s crying, she’s talking about leaving him … and each time he apologizes, makes some excessive gesture and she’s right back in again. I don’t get it.

I do not wanna see my girl hurt. I love this girl like a sister and I know for a fact she’s going to be miserable of she goes through with the wedding. Just dating him has sent her through so much shit, I don’t even know why the hell she’d wanna make it legal anyway.

So what should I tell her? Should I just stay out of it?

-- Good Friend

Dear Good Friend,

If it were the first time he’d been caught cheating, even the second, I might tell you to take your friend to the side and have a serious talk with her. But if we’re looking at the fifth offense in as little as 365 days … cmon, what can you really tell her that she doesn’t know? She knows he’s unfaithful and probably never will be. She also knows that he pays the mortgage on time, the car note is never late and she stays fly and flashy and with some cash in her pocket. Have you not considered that there’s a trade-off going on here?

A few years ago, I had this conversation with a wealthy gentleman I know. He’s young, black, single, no kids and sells beats for a living. He’s done major work for Jay-Z. Anyway, he basically told me his relationship with wifey is like this: He’s back and forth to New York and L.A. (he has an apartment there) and when he’s there he does him. She stays at the big house in Atlanta, she drives the cars, she has hired help around the house and she has a credit card in addition to a monthly cash stipend. (And these two aren’t even married!) He takes care of her well. In return, and these are not my words, but his …

“In return, all I want is to come home and not get a headache.”

Sounds simple enough. The more detailed ground rules include him not having unprotected sex, not bringing chicks to the house in ATL, and not making major purchases (over $10,000) for these side chicks. But what’s so deep about his sit is that his girl understands that there will be side chicks. Aint that some shyt?

Really, it’s an agreement, spoken or unspoken, any woman who marries a super wealthy guy enters into. I’d be willing to wager there’s not one NBA wife who doesn’t know how to look the other way. How can she not? And if she doesn’t she’d better learn quickly. Men with money who spend a third of the year on the road fuck around. Bottom line.

My only question is whether your girl is really getting her due? I know a nigga needs to be pullin in millions if that shyt’s gonna be okay with me. Good money – 100, 200 thou, good money, is not enough to buy you a f*ck-when-you-get-ready card. That’s how you get divorced and lose half, real quick, f*ckin with me. Personal opinion. But obviously, whatever your girl is getting out of the deal is good enough.

Stay out of it.

Cheers!

-- Mel

When we first met, the beat maker dude tried to holla, too. I wasn’t really interested. Me and my "I have to be attracted to a man to be with him," standards. Shiiiiit. Ask me who’s kicking her self right about now.

Read More...

Girl Play: Is she serious?

Dear Melyssa,

I guess I have two questions. First, me and my best friend have been tight since high school. Tight through her failed marriage, the births of both our kids, cheating boyfriends, changing jobs … we been through it. I love this chick. This is my ace chick. But not like that. Lately, she’s been real touchy feely with me.

We’ve always hugged hello and goodbye, kisses on the check sometimes, whatever. I never thought anything of this stuff. But what about we’re laying on the sofa the other week, on opposite ends watchin TV and she starts to give me a foot rub. Woah, right? Is it just me? I was a little uncomfortable and embarrassed, so I pretended like I was ticklish and pulled away. She just came at me more and we’re “play” wrestling on the sofa and on the floor and she’s laughing and smiling, and I was too, but just because I didn’t know what else to do. Okay, that’s one time.

Then this other time we were getting dressed at my house, bout to go to the club. I had just come out of the shower and she was already getting her dress on. So I dropped my towel and commenced to oiling up. I didn’t think anything of it. We’ve been roommates before, we’ve seen each other naked, we’ve walked in on each other having sex, we’ve actually had sex with our boyfriends in the same room before. LOL. I thought nothing of it. But something about the way I caught her peepin me in the mirror freaked me out and I finished dressing in the walk-in closet, pretending like I was looking for something to wear.

First of all, I’m straight as a fucking arrow and love the dick. But I also love this chick like a sister and don’t want to offend her. How can I bring this issue to her without ruining everything and creeping us both out? Is this even something we need to talk about? Am I being sensitive?

-- Strickly Dickly

Dear Strickly Dickly,

First of all, me too. : ) Now that that’s outta the way, my knee jerk reaction is, your girl’s waaaaay outta line and needs to be set straight. With something like this, it shouldn’t take more than one wrinkle of your face, one strong pull away of your arm, or a firmly stated, “stop it” to end all this shyt. She’s probably just as nervous about this new terrain – assuming it’s new terrain for her – as you are.

But what keeps me from going totally with that advice is the fact that you know this girl as well as you do. Yall are upper tight, been down for years, and through a few stages of life together. People don’t just have friends like that. I have two. I consider myself blessed. But thatabout it. So just off the strength of your relationship with her and you saying this behavior is brand new … I dunno. Wouldn’t you have known if she dabbled in puss? LOL. (didn’t that sound horrible? I know. Funny tho). But really, isn’t this a discussion yall woulda had by now, whether over a girl’s shopping and lunch date or a drunken confession at a late night co-ed Truth or Dare set? Homosexual proclivities don’t just pop up, as far as I know, I mean. I’d think this is something you’d already know about your girl. I dunno. Sorry I’m not being any more decisive. But you know her best.

How about this? Why don’t you ask her if she’s ever thought about being with a woman. Not like a direct interview question, but throw it in to your next girl talk/gossip session.

Y’know, “I hear Jada and Will both get it in on the low …” or whatever.

“I don’t know if I could have my man getting dicked down on the side, I don’t give a damn how much money he makes … could you be with another woman?”

Like you’re just throwin it out there. If she’s really been looking for an “in” with all this girl play, then she’ll definitely take it. If not, then there’s your answer.

-- Mel

Just to keep it 100, and because I do love to share my biz, one of my best girlfriends and I put on quite a show for one unsuspecting and lucky-as-hell dude back in college. We discussed it before hand, picked him out special and got nice and drunk. LOL. Good times. Nothing below the belt tho. No disrespect to the GLBT community, but that shit is nasty. I don’t know how straight dudes do it but God blessem!

Read More...

Ask Melyssa: Is my man cheating?

Dear Melyssa,

I know it’s gonna be hard for you to answer this but I need to know if my man is cheating. We stay together and for the last month or so the phone has been ringin all late at night, he leaves his cell in the car when he comes home and the real shyt that has my mind blown, he woke up to slashed tires the other morning. What’s really hood?

Of course he says he's not fucking around and he has no idea why somebody would cut up his tires and bitches are crazy and blah blah blah. But really? I don’t know, I;m just having trouble believing it.

To top it all off, I’m pregnant. So I’m thinking, should I give dude the benefit of the doubt for our child’s sake, or skate?

-- On the Verge

Hey On the Verge,

In a couple words, your man is getting it in on the side.

The phone ringing could a be a small thing, leaving the cell in the car could be accidental … well, maybe. But the slashed tires. That is the work of a woman scorned. Sounds like he fucked her and he’s not fuckin her any more, to me. Or maybe he’s been saying he’s gonna leave you alone and she just found out you’re pregnant. Either way, she knows where your man lives, so she definitely knows about you. And you don’t just up and slash a nigga’s tires. He must’ve broken some pretty big promises.

I do not believe in sticking around for the sake of the kids. Been there, done that and that’s some bullshit. He needs to come clean or you need to roll. Better yet, get that phone bill and call this chick up. I’d love to be in on that conversation.

Best of luck.

-- Mel

PS I know I know, it's not Monday, it's Tuesday, but I had the craziest weekend in Cashville (shouts) and I'm really just recovering. Great time. I'll def have to tell ya'll about it once I collect my thoughts. That whole near-three-years without thing? Down the drain. Damn! I even drunk-dialed Digital. Wow. I was off my ass. We'll see how this one spins out.

Read More...

She put out, but he won't give it up

Dear Melyssa,

I’ve been messing with this guy I like, and I want to, but we haven’t really hooked up yet. Before I can sleep with a guy I have to have that emotional connection with him first so, we only did the whole oral thing at first. Mostly on him, actually.

My and my husband were separated for about five years and I wanted to have one last fling before we got together again, so I spoke with the "tease" and it seemed like he wanted it as much as I did but ...

it just never happened.

He no longer works at my company (yes, this all happened at work). His main excuse is that he did not want to "dip his pen in the company ink". So he still calls me right and he still tells me that he wants me and we make plans to see each other later and again he leaves me hot and bothered.

So here's my thing -- Say what you mean and mean what you say. I'm a spoiled brat and I have always gotten my way, except for him. Now I don't know if I really still want it or if I simply want it because I don't have it. It's funny how a girl will play around with a man's head (no pun intended) but it's a completely different game when the tables are turned. This sucks! I feel like I'm 12 again.

-- Frustrated

Dear Frustrated,

I haaaaate dudes like this. Ugh. Ive had one. Frankly, if you’re hittin him off with head and he’s finishing, he doesn’t really need the other. So first, cut that shyt out.

That’s even if you still really even wanna eff with dude. He sounds pussy to me, quite frankly and it seems like he’s playing with your head. Haven’t we all been on the other end of that phone call, tho. The one where you’re telling him you wanna do this and you wanna do that knowin that you may or may not even have real intentionsof doin shyt like that. It’s just nice to have the attention … to know there’s someone you can call who’ll stroke your ego quite nice for a few minutes, and then you’re good. Sounds like that’s why he’s keeping this charade with you. Not to mention the dome. : )

I totally understand not wanting to take no for an answer. Who the fuck is he to say no anyway!? Right? Girl, I’m right there with you. But this is how you flip it – stop calling him. Just stop. And when he calls you, don’t pick up. Right now you’re chasing and he clearly likes it that way. Change directions on his ass. After he calls a couple of times, pick up, like, “Hey what’s up. Chillin, whatre you doin, hold on … (talking in the background). Hey lemme call you right back.” Then don’t.

Either he’ll play his new position and up the ante, or he’ll stop calling. Either way, you're the one who ended it. And isn’t that the point? LOL.

Go get it in with somebody else before you settle back into the happy housewife role. Forever is a loooong time. : )

-- Mel

Read More...

Ask Melyssa: Should I cheat with a yung dude?

Dear Melyssa,

I’m in a relationship with this dude, we’ve been together about four years. I knew during the second year that the relationship wasn’t about shyt, but I’m still in it because he really is the only person I have in the city that I live. Something is better than nothing mentality. Wrong, but it is what it is.

Anyway, I’ve had this little thing going with my best friend’s brother back home, it’s never been physical as he’s three years younger than me and I left for college at seventeen. Girl, he’s 21 now, 6’5”, chocolate, and finer than a motherplucker.
He’s had his little childhood crush on me since he was like eight, and I never took him seriously, but over the last year or so he’s been piquing my interest in a major way. I’m going home to visit, and I really can’t say that if we were alone somewhere -- which I’m fairly certain will happen -- that I’ll be faithful to my relationship.

I need to know if I am really wrong to cheat on dude because our relationship is unfulfilling. I mean unfulfilling sexually, mentally, emotionally. I am certain that he loves me, but he’s just a bad fit. And I can’t say I would feel guilty if I did it, because he’s done enough dirt (though that doesn’t include f’ing other chicks.)

Best Friend’s Brother has a girlfriend, but that’s some little one month shyt and I know for a fact that he has no qualms about leaving her for me, let alone f’ing me while he’s with her.

But, to cheat or not to cheat?

-Feenin’ For Baby Brother

Dear Feenin For Baby Brother,

I have been in your predicament before. In a relationship that sucked, having sex that sucked -- or at least being poked at night after night in the hopes that we’d have sex (that would inevitably suck) – feeling unfulfilled uncommunicative and achingly unsatisfied. It’s a miserable existence. Good for me though, I had my just-months-old son to keep me home, grounded and regrettably faithful abstinent.

Good for you, though, you don’t. LOL. Really, if the guy you’re with isn’t the guy for you, you’re not happy, it’s not goin anywhere … I mean …

No, lemme back up and give you the good advice, first. Cheating is never okay. It’s not right to lie to your partner. You should always end one relationship before beginning, or even dabbling in, another. If I’ve learned NOTHING AT ALL from the fiasco that ensued when I started up with an old boyfriend’s best friend and didn’t tell him until I was pregnant with dude’s baby … (and subsequently ruined any chance of potentially being with the man I really wanted to be with) it’s to be straight up in all my dealings. And in my next relationship, I will be. There.

Now. Girl is he that fine? And 6’5”!? I love a man that towers over me. That shyt is sooo sexy. That was a sidebar, sorry.

Now. Before I’d even be concerned about the boyfriend that you don’t see a future with anyway, I’d ask how your girl feels about you getting down with her brother. Been there done that about crossing those kinds of lines ... not pretty. But if she’s cool about it and you don’t feel like it could become messy … (messy like one of you catches feelings and takes to asking your girl/sister questions about the whereabouts and habits of the other … shyt like that). Then, why not, really?

I mean, dude’s outta state, you know it can’t really become serious because of his age, the distance between the two of you and your current situation. So commitment's out, love's out, marriage and kids and all the heavy stuff is out. What that does leave the two of you open for though, is a hot steamy four-day weekend (or three-month summer, or however long you're gonna be home) affair. No strings, no expectations, no accountability … Damn I miss those days.

I’m gonna take the moral low road here and say, do that shyt! LOL. And not just because I’d love to hear about it and live vicariously thru your illicit exploits once it’s done – tho definitely hit me up – but because you’re young, unmarried and you don’t owe anybody anything but yourself and your mama. LOL, somebody told me that once. Terrible, I know. But you said you’re not gonna feel guilty about it anyway, so eff it.

But really, whether you go for it or not, at some point, it’s gonna be time to face the imminent end of the relationship you’re already in. I know it’s hard, especially if you don’t know anyone where you are, but you’ll be sooo much happier. I wish I had branched out sooner, after hooking up with the man who is now my BD merely because of that comfort factor. It’s hard.

Hoepfully baby brother is, too. LOL. Getem girl.

-- Mel

PS Is that bad? All this solo sex has got me frustrated.

You put a song in my head:

"Mama you may be three years older but you hot, gimme that ... "

That "Take You Down" makes me wanna get me a young mang. Some nice close-ups in this vid rendition. :)

It is IMPOSSIBLE to find find an official Chris Brown video with an embed link on Youtube. I swear this lil nig has a dude on the payroll who's sole responsibility it is to scour the net and pull down links all day. Damn.
------------------------------------
And in recent garbage, (tho just as sweet today as it was yesterday) Kobe likes to cum on chicks faces, choke em out while hitting it from the back and other points of TMI you may or may not have wanted to know about your favorite NBA star, over at my other blog:

Read More...

Putting it in -- Overtime

Dear Melyssa,

I know how you love juicy stories. Well I got one for you. I’ve been getting it in with this dude at my job for the past three weeks. I work in the office, he works in the storage room in the basement. We have done it all, Melyssa and at work too! I’m talking about head in the office supplies closet, fu*kin under my desk after hours and all kinda shyt. I don’t know what it is about this dude, he’s just so sexy. The sex is GOOOD, Mel. Dude is packin and all that. He makes me love going to work.

But things have started to take a turn. It was all cool in the beginning, we would go at it in the evenings after the office had cleared out, or we’d get in the back of his delivery truck at lunch and that was it. I have a man at home, so I can’t be stayin really late, but he won’t get suspicious about me being an hour late. But dude at work is really feelin me and he’s telling me he wants me to be his girl and he’s gonna tell my man how good I suck a dick and he’s askin me, “does your man know how wet I make this pussy,” while we’re doing it. It has me kind of freaked a little bit. So I’m trying to back off and leave him alone, but I don’t know, from what he’s saying, he could be the stalker type. How can I let him down easy and get out of this? Any thoughts?

-- Puttin in that OT

Dear Puttin in that OT,

Ooooh you KNOW how I love a juicy story! And this def feeds my appetite. LOL. Wow, so it’s that good, huh? Maybe I need to find work outside the home ...



Right, lemme get back on task. So all good things must come to an end and it’s time to wrap this lil rendezvous. I feel you about ending it. It has to end, right? You got a man. But I’m not sure that dude exactly has stalker tendencies. I mean, the shyt you say he says tyou in between thrusts is kinda hot, if you ask me. Just sayin. But I guess the reality of your home situation is makin you nervous.

If you’re gonna end it, you need to just end it. I think you should just tell dude you can’t freak him all in the supply closet anymore, you both know the relationship isn’t going anywhere and it would be best to stop. If you think mentioning being faithful to your man as a reason for the split will send him into a jealous rage, don’t mention your man. Tell him your coworkers are getting suspicious about the way y'all look at each other or about the long lunches you take.

But really, if he’s a psycho stalker, it’s not gonna matter how you break it to him. His craziness is gonna come out regardless. In that case – and this may sound drastic – but in that case, you need to be on Monster.com right now. Not only does this guy have the potential to ruin your relationship at home, he can very well ruin your reputation at work, too. And once the office is buzzing -- which, whether you know it or not, it may already be – the psycho may not even have to tell your live-in. Some jealous bitch a couple cubicles down might do it for him.

Bottom line, end it once and quickly. DON’T GO BACK! He’s most definitely gonna try to put in on you one last time because you’ve already shown him you’re weak for the d!ck, but don‘t go back. End it and keep it moving. Avoid him in the hallways, take your lunch at a different time and cut it off. Then keep your eyes and ears open for psycho behavior and by all means, post your resume. G'luck!

Lemme know how it turns out.

-- Mel

Want some sage possibly useful advice? Holla.

Read More...

How long should I share my married man?

Dear Melyssa,

I’ll keep this brief because I’m so sick of thinking about the whole thing, but I need help. I have been seeing this guy for a little over a year now. He’s perfect for me. I love him to death. He’s the perfect gentlemen, opens doors, brings me flowers, calls me every day at work, the sex is THA BOMB!!!! Here’s the thing … He’s married with two kids. He’s not in love with his wife and he’s only there because of the kids. He loves them dearly and they’re the center of his life. But I’m sick of him getting up and going home at 11 p.m. because he told his wife he was working late. I want him full time. I’m trying not to pressure him and he says he’s waiting for the right time to break it to her. She’s a good woman and has been a good wife and he knows she doesn’t deserve to be hurt, but he needs to be happy. Heres my question. I know ultimatums don’t work, but how do I put a time limit on this thing without him feeling like I’m backing him into a corner? I can’t wait forever …

--Waiting Forever

Dear Waiting Forever,

Well. You’re involved with a married man. He has two kids, he runs home every night just before the clock strikes twelve after sexing you up, he’s selling you dreams about leaving his wife and making a life with you … but your question to me is, how can you not make him feel pressured? Are you serious?

I really want to scream. One, because unfortunatley, I’ve got a similar experience to share, and second, because it’s such a stupid predicament to be in. Ugh! When will we learn.

First, let me just say this. I know you’ve heard it a million time from your girlfriends or your mom (if you’re bold enough to share this mess with them) but he’s not leaving his wife. There ya go. Married men don’t leave their wives for chicks on the side. Second, if he is ever gonna leave his wife ever, he certainly is not gonna do it while you’re still spreading em on the regular. This is just simple logic, right here. Why should he? Perhaps you’ve heard that before too.

So, I’ll try to tell you something new, and what I had to tell my six-months-long, married affair – who for the record had been living apart form his wife for a year before we met and had no kids. For the record. Tho I’m not judging—Anyway, I had to tell dude:

“This isn’t an ultimatum. I hate ultimatums. But I have to tell you something about me. I’m not the kind of girl that dates married men. Six months in, I know this must be a revelation for you, but really. This is so out of character for me. So I have to correct my mistake. I can’t do this anymore. I like you a lot, I’ve really enjoyed our time together and I’d love to hear from you when you’re free. I hope it’s soon. Muah!” <---Laid a nice wet one on him before exiting, Priceless.

See that? No time constraints, the time is now. You haven’t made a request of him, you’ve made a decision for you, and in so doing, taken control of a situation that had you previously laid out on the floor like a door mat (whether you know it now or not).

And just to keep it 100, this convo took place after several failed attempts with phrases like "If you don't ... I'm gonna ..." and "When are you gonna ..." and "Why can't you just ..."

I had to learn to stop putting it on him. It was really on me, anyway. I was the deciding factor, I just hadn't realize it.

And by the way, you’re right. Ultimatums don’t work. They end up being fruitless power struggles that if you win, leave the other person feeling bitter and vindictive, and if you lose, you may have very well lost for the other person’s pride rather than his reasoning. Just bad business all the way around. Much better to make your own decisions rather than force someone else to decide for you. So you decide. Gonna wait forever?

Love ya!

--Mel

PS Sorry for the late post, ya’ll. My guy never did get that divorce, btw. He is however living with another chick that he’s wifed up. When's she gonna get a clue?

Read More...

My man and his boy are a lil too tight. DL?

Dear Melyssa,

I’m a 23-year-old sista and me and my man have been together for a year and a half. The sex was godd at first (never great) but lately it’s nonexistent. We live together and these last few months, he’s been coming home late, working late, and staying out partying. Thing is, he’s given me no real reason to doubt him. He always calls and lets me know where he’s at, or if he’s not gonna be in time for dinner and he’ll just pick something up, or if he and his boy are goin by the bar after work … but that’s the thing. It’s always with his boy. I have never seen a dude call another dude at all times of night like this guy does. He rings my man’s phone at 12, 1 and 2 in the morning all during the week and shyt. What’s up with that? When I ask my man, “what did Damon want this time?” He just blows it off like, “You know Damon, his girl is trippin on him again.” Well I wish dude would find another shoulder to cry on or whatever the hell he’s doin with my man’s shoulder. When I told my girls about this they said I was bein crazy and paranoid. But here’s the biggest part … I usually work on Saturday afternoons, right? Well this particular Saturday they let me go early and I came home and walked in on my man and his boy sittin extra close on the sofa. Nothin super obvious like roaming hands or anything, but they were definitely closer than a couple of heterosexual dudes on a big ol couch should have been. As soon as I walked in they jumped and my man stood up and raced over to greet me. Super suspect.

So, what you think, is my man on the DL?

-- Fingers Crossed

Dear Fingers Crossed,

Damn. Sounds a lil sus to me too. But then, whado I know? I think I must have the worst gaydar in the history of inaccurate gaydar. Hasn’t always been that way. I could pick one out of a line up. Tangent: But there’s a new gayness out now. It’s like wallpaper, it blends in. LOL. I’ll have to tell you the story about one of my exes who used to wear women’s perfume, claimed to have a male period and always always, always wanted me on top ... when he wanted me at all. I can’t even go through that with you right now. I might regurgitate my lunch.

About your man, you know him best. I’d go with my gut. You’re sleeping with this man, eating with this man, sharing things, I imagine … you know him. If somethings not right, you know that, too. My gut tells me, if he jumped, somethin aint right. Best I can tell you is protect yourself. And you might wanna invest in one of those handy little surveillance cams for the bedroom. You can get one that looks like a clock radio. How cool is that?

Lemme know how this one turns out. Best of luck.

-- Mel

Got a query? Holla.

Read More...

He won’t make her his chick but he wants to make a flick. Foul?

Dear Melyssa,

My friend has been talking to this guy for about two months (they are not official), and one day he texted her and asked her to make a video. She laughed and told him no, but in my mind, I was like she should have told him off. In my mind, it’s disrespectful. If a guy that I was with asked me to do that, I would think that he would show it to someone on that "oh look what i got" tip...and if he gets angry with me or whatever he could put it online and have my business out there. If my guy really respected me, he would never ask me for a video (pics maybe), because he already has me. I think he was just trying to see how far he could go with her, and was treating her like a jumpoff.

Now she argues that it isn’t disrespectful because he only pressed once and when she said no he let it go. And she was like, mad dudes she knew would ask their girl for a video and it wasn’t a big deal. And finally, she said that he would never show it to anyone. So, we put it to the test.

We both contacted some of our male friends and asked them what they thought. We got the same response...if it was his girl, then yeah they would ask, but keep it private...but if it was someone they were just messing with, they'd still ask for a video and then show it off on a jumpoff tip. And they all said that in her case, because she is not official with dude, he was probably treating her like a jumpoff, or like she was set out (one of them thought it was me and wanted dudes name and address on some "don't ask my lil sis that shit" type-steez).

So what is your opinion? Is that disrespectful or not?

-- Not no Kim or Paris

Dear Not no Kim or Paris,

I’m with you and the guys. He is definitely treating her like jumpoff status. If she was his girl, ehh, it’s still iffy as to whether at some point in the future he would show it to someone.

Sidebar: This is why if you ever do do anything on video you should always retain the only copy. But then,we’re in a digital age and there are no such thing as copies anymore. Dude could just email the vid to himself so quick and so fast, before he even rolls over and hands you his phone so you can delete the show. So really, it’s just not smart.

And TMI: I got one a those floating around in the stratosphere somewhere and when I get famous, I might have to put a hit out on dude.

Anyway, yeah I think his asking your girl to do it for the cam is definitely disrespectful. Especially since he had the nerve to make this request, which is a pretty big deal and requires a huge amount of trust (or stupidity) without even making his relationship with her official – which he knows he could do if he wanted to. He just doesn’t want to.

But you say you already got a concensus from some guys whose opinions you trust and she still won't listen. Sometimes you can't tell people, they just have to see it (all on the big screen) for themeselves.

Still, tho. He got his nerve. SMH. Lol.

What y'all think? Vote on the right.

-- Mel

PS Is she in his Top 8? Just askin.

Read More...

Lookin 4 Super Love: That Christopher Reeve-type commitment

Dear Melyssa,

I was born with cerebral palsy. I know a lot of people are born disabled, but we want somebody to care for us, too. What I’m sayin is it seems like it’s hard to find people that will ride witcha. I’m a young mane in my 23third year of life. I guess da million dolla thought is, would you date a brotha with a handicap sticker? Same for men, would y’all date a female in the same boat?

I think I had to ask for not so much myself, but for anybody male or female born handicapped who might want to find somebody that’ll ride wit em. My heart don't get lonely cuz God built me to be strong, but when you’re born different, you look at life a certain way. Like, if I died, not neva havin any females or kids in my life. I'ma 100 with that cuz da main goal is heaven and to get up out da wheel chair and walkin someday and gettin out my mom’s house. She’s not gonna be here fa eva. But you might got people who want some love in life or somebody to kick it wit.

It took me a long time to write this cuz I wasn't sure about sendin it, but I could neva be a square. That’s not me. Just a question. No sad stories, just somethin new, like da movie. Much respect and luv.

-- A.M.D.A.D.

Dear A.M.D.A.D.

Wow, you really made me think. I gotta list of must-haves for the next man who wants some of my time: kind; generous; ambitious, having good credit (in no particular order); a relationship with or desire to know God; never been married … It’s really quite a long and drawn out qualifying process here lately. I’ll blog about it. But I never thought about whether or not that package, with all the boxes checked, would still be acceptable to me if it were wrapped up in a man with bum legs. Damn. I gotta say, I don’t know. Is that shallow? Damn.

You seem to not be the type to wallow in self pitty and to have your priorities in order. I do hope I don’t miss out on a good one because of the order of mine.

How about it ladies? Anybody more open minded than I? Fellas? Check the poll to the right.

Thought provoking, AMDAD. Thx for asking.

-- Mel

Got a sit? Wanna second opinion? Hit me up.

Read More...