Monday, July 21, 2008

Wanting a married man. Should I?

Dear Melyssa,

I had this fantastic relationship in college. The sex was crazy, dude’s stamina was unsurpassed and for a time, I thought I might have been in love. Then I graduated, left the state and moved on with my life. Recently though – which is years later-- dude found me on Myspace and we’ve been talking. Emails turned into texts. Texts turned into late night convos, which eventually became regular and explosive phone sex a couple times a week. We live a few states a part and are even making plans to meet up for a lil four-day vacay. I am so excited I can hardly contain myself. I haven’t been done the way this guy used to do it since the last time we did it and I am DUE. LOL. Thing is, Mel, he’s married.

I’m not tryin to break up a happy home. He’s given me no illusion that he’s about to leave his wife or anything like that. And I’m not even in a place where I’m lookin for a super committed relationship. But a few sweaty, limb-locking days with this guy would really hit the spot right about now. It’s just sex, right? I know I’m rationalizing, but would you do it?

Damn, Mel, I wanna do it.

-- Wanting a Married Man So Bad

Dear Wanting a Married Man So Bad,

Man, you and me both. So crazy that I have a strikingly similar story to tell. Same thing, I had this torrid affair with a guy in college. Hadn’t seen or heard from him in about five years and hadn’t been with him in even longer. A few months ago he hit me on Myspace. (Myspace is a motherfucker, aint it? Ruinin marriages and getting niggas caught up and shit. Stay off Myspace!) Anyway, the chemistry was soooo the year 2000! I mean damn! It was like no time had passed. We’re talking and shit, reminiscin … “Remember when you used to do that? Remember when I used to do this?” All that shit. Well, dude’s married with two kids. There’s life for ya.

But this guy had me so fucked up, Wanting, that for a minute, I aint even care. Ugly and shameful, I know. So we made plans and he was supposed to come see me. (Yes, I was still celibate at this time, but he’s always been something like a “velvet rope” guy for me. You know the dudes who get the VIP entrance and don’t have to wait like errybody else? That’s another blog). Anyway, he was one of those.

So we began making plans. He was gonna take a trip to my place. I was gonna bake him strawberry cake and we were gonna have a satisfying sexcapade in every room of my apartment. Girl! And then, he pulled out. (No pun intended). Said he couldn’t do it. Said his marriage wasn’t so bad that he could justify stepping out on his wife. Damn. I felt like shit about it but had to respect it. It’s one of the reasons I like him so well anyway. He’s a stand-up guy.

Then a few weeks later, we’re at it again. He doesn’t knw what he was thinking when he cancelled his visit and would give anything to see me. So again, we made plans. Then, I pulled out. This is borderline madness at this point, I know. I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. I mean, as much as I’d like to so, so, so, so, so bad, this dude is somebody’s husband and two other people’s father. That’s kinda deep. I wasn’t tryin to get my blessings cut short.

But damnit if that nigga didn’t reel me right back in. He’s a freak and freaks are had to find, what can I say. So now it’s lookin like October … I’ll let ya’ll know. Don’t tell nobody. : )

Anyway, Wanting, I say all that not to steal your shine – this is about you – but to say, you know the shit is wrong. It’s really about what you can live with. That’s all.

Lemme know how he works it out it works out for ya. : )

-- Mel


Mista Jaycee said...

Don't do it! Flee! Danger! Danger! Danger!
I know that it's good but the cost is just too high! Even if y'all don't get caught, y'all both know!
You know he's a cheater! You know you a cheater! And you both feel like crap!
He belongs to someone else. It doesn't matter if he's happy or not because if he is unhappy then leave and come to you and get happy! Take that plunge but we know he won't! Is your door open for him to come and stay? Nah,
No, God has made plenty of men who I assure you can put it down and are single and availible. Don't sell yourself short. True is you two don't value each other cause you wouldn't be talking like this. But maybe this can be a distant but great friendship if you build it on good things like honesty and trust instead of sneakiness and lies.

Mista Jaycee said...

Hey Mel, tell ole girl
bump that! Keep that shyt in the past. If he had wanted you he would have been with you a long time ago. Just smile, say thanks for the memories and stay away from each other. No contact except a nice xmas card from the families. And only that!
He belongs to his wife and you would be a theif!

Melyssa Ganache said...

Dang Jaycee, I feel so convicted. [sigh] Back to square one. I swear I change my mind about this shit every two weeks. I'm gonna have to garner some discipline from somewhere. And you too, Wanting. We can do this. Damn he called us thieves and shit. LOL. We gotta do better.

Thx for reading, Jaycee.

cutienjerzey said...

Mel, Mel, Mel...DON'T DO IT....We are both LEO's so believe me I got ur back. But please heed by these words"DO ONTO OTHERS AS YOU WOULD WANT THEM TO DO UPON TO YOU! Mel you of all people should know this..Look at all the bullshit that you went through with BD and Digital...Leave well enough alone...I'm not even married, but basically been in a 11 yr relationship with my kids father and I swear, when I found out that he had cheated on me I felt just as betrayed like we were married and I was ready to kill somebody..That shit don't feel good at all..

Anonymous said...

I am married, so my moral judgement and meter says don't do it. My reality meter says that there are married folks every day who are unhappy but won't leave the marriage for whatever reason (scared, don't want to hurt the other person, convenience, children, etc.). Leaving a marriage is never cut and dry: "He'd leave her and come to you to be happy". How easy it is to say that when you are single, lol. When I was single, I thought the exact same way. 18 years ago. Today, however, I realize that life has many gray areas. My husband and I have been through many ups and downs, we both have contemplated leaving and life has taken plenty of unexpected turns. Things that when I was single I NEVER thought I'd go through.
(But we're stiiiiillll together!)

If you feel like sneaking with a married man is going to be hard to deal with, then by all means don't do it. But be clear, he probably won't leave his wife, and even if he did, you'd never be able to trust him. He's a cheater, after all. Not that once a cheater always a cheater, but that's what we all think. All I'm saying is make the decision that you can live with.