Monday, September 15, 2008

Ask Melyssa: Wedding proposal or chastity insurance?

Dear Melyssa,

My boyfriend of three years just proposed to me. I’ve been waiting on him to pop the question for at least a year and I should be the happiest girl in the world right now. But I’m concerned that the only reason he even asked is to keep me faithful while he’s away.

We’ve gone back and forth about his failing to propose in recent months and he always said the same thing, he’s just not ready. Then, he got word form his ship (he’s a sailor) that he’d have to deploy for six months, and voila! He pops up with a ring. I wanna accept whole heartedly ( I already told him yes) but I have my reservations. Does the timing even matter? Am I just being silly. I mean, this man loves me and I love him.

-- Unsure

Dear Unsure,

Wedding proposal or chastity insurance? I’m gonna say there’s a bit of both in your new fiance’s proposition. I’m sure he loves you deeply and sees you as the woman he wants to eventually marry, I just don’t know if he really wants to marry you right now. He’s practically said as much, right? But all of the sudden, right before he gets sent of for six months, he wants to wrap up his deal with you. Mhm. At some point, he may have gotten down on one knee, but he would absolutely not be doing it now if it weren’t for Uncle Sam’s summons. I’ve never been married (though I have turned down one proposal), but I’m gonna have to advice you to temporarily pass.

If he wants to marry you now, and his wishes are sincere, then he’ll wanna marry you in six months when he’s back on state’s side. Why should he have the security that for his entire deployment you’re gonna be waiting for him faithfully, pining away after him, throwing yourself into ribbon-adorned invitations, flowers and pictures of towering wedding cakes. Ha!

I say, let him squirm a little. Tell him, your engagement is something that really special and you want to be able to share it with him and you’d like to hold off on that engagement until he’s home and able to be a part of the planning and the excitement. And by the way, you do deserve that. Tell him you’re thrilled that he wants to spend his life with you, but this six months away from each other will also be a test of your relationship. Let’s get through that before we start making wedding announcements, k?

Best of luck, whatever you decide. Lemme know how it turns out!




Wednesday, September 3, 2008

The Vacaytionship: A destination relationship

A vacaytionship is a vacation-like relationship. It feels like jetting off to an island somewhere. A drama-free, stress-free, easy, breezy, cocktails-at-noon type of arrangement.

It always feels like the first time because you meet up away from home and with long periods of time in between. It may have been a few months, it may have been a year since your last encounter, but it’s coming up on the calendar again.

It’s a temporary, out-of-town departure, perhaps from your real relationship at home, similar to the way a trip to Hawaii is a vacay from the office. Kinda like that.
After, you’re only left with a few pics (if you’re brave enough to memorialize your tryst with such hard evidence), great memories and a lingering longing for the next get away. That’s what keeps it new. You always want more because the trips are just short enough that you’re not ready to leave, and the time in between is just long enough to keep you wanting for the next one. The peculiar combo of the old and new makes for amazing sex, too, because it’s always like the first time. Kind of. There’s the convenient familiarity still remaining from the last time -- So you already know exactly what each other likes, what to do where, how long to do what … all that -- Only without the boredom that can tend to accompany familiarity. Because you’ve only been together once in the past six months. Hot.
I just entered into a new vacationship. Perfect for me, because honestly, I really don’t have room in my life right now for a real live every day-responsible, grown-up and accountable relationship. And the once-every-three-months thing that I’ve got goin with this guy is so much more thrilling than having somebody at home waiting on me every night, anyway. (Tho I do remember what that feels like and it was once nice). Still, I’ve got my work and my baby and some projects I’m trying to launch. It’s all kinda demanding, so I’m straight on that right now. But being a hopeless romantic, I admit, I’m in love with being in love. This lil off-again, on-again, is just what the doc ordered.
Ever had a vacaytionship? Share with the group.
-- Mel
Cam'ron feat Amerie - Weekend Girl