Monday, June 30, 2008

Bought & Paid For: Earning sex on the side

Dear Melyssa,

A good friend of mine is engaged to a constant cheater. I want to stop her from making the biggest mistake of her life but I don’t know how to do it without alienating her and ruining our friendship, or making her think I’m jealous (I’m not married myself).

She thinks she’s found the perfect man, and on paper, he does look pretty good. He has a great job, handles all the bills, sends her on vacays with the girls and shopping trips and just takes good financial care of her. But he’s been caught at least five times in the past year with other women. Each time, my friend is destroyed. She’s crying, she’s talking about leaving him … and each time he apologizes, makes some excessive gesture and she’s right back in again. I don’t get it.

I do not wanna see my girl hurt. I love this girl like a sister and I know for a fact she’s going to be miserable of she goes through with the wedding. Just dating him has sent her through so much shit, I don’t even know why the hell she’d wanna make it legal anyway.

So what should I tell her? Should I just stay out of it?

-- Good Friend

Dear Good Friend,

If it were the first time he’d been caught cheating, even the second, I might tell you to take your friend to the side and have a serious talk with her. But if we’re looking at the fifth offense in as little as 365 days … cmon, what can you really tell her that she doesn’t know? She knows he’s unfaithful and probably never will be. She also knows that he pays the mortgage on time, the car note is never late and she stays fly and flashy and with some cash in her pocket. Have you not considered that there’s a trade-off going on here?

A few years ago, I had this conversation with a wealthy gentleman I know. He’s young, black, single, no kids and sells beats for a living. He’s done major work for Jay-Z. Anyway, he basically told me his relationship with wifey is like this: He’s back and forth to New York and L.A. (he has an apartment there) and when he’s there he does him. She stays at the big house in Atlanta, she drives the cars, she has hired help around the house and she has a credit card in addition to a monthly cash stipend. (And these two aren’t even married!) He takes care of her well. In return, and these are not my words, but his …

“In return, all I want is to come home and not get a headache.”

Sounds simple enough. The more detailed ground rules include him not having unprotected sex, not bringing chicks to the house in ATL, and not making major purchases (over $10,000) for these side chicks. But what’s so deep about his sit is that his girl understands that there will be side chicks. Aint that some shyt?

Really, it’s an agreement, spoken or unspoken, any woman who marries a super wealthy guy enters into. I’d be willing to wager there’s not one NBA wife who doesn’t know how to look the other way. How can she not? And if she doesn’t she’d better learn quickly. Men with money who spend a third of the year on the road fuck around. Bottom line.

My only question is whether your girl is really getting her due? I know a nigga needs to be pullin in millions if that shyt’s gonna be okay with me. Good money – 100, 200 thou, good money, is not enough to buy you a f*ck-when-you-get-ready card. That’s how you get divorced and lose half, real quick, f*ckin with me. Personal opinion. But obviously, whatever your girl is getting out of the deal is good enough.

Stay out of it.


-- Mel

When we first met, the beat maker dude tried to holla, too. I wasn’t really interested. Me and my "I have to be attracted to a man to be with him," standards. Shiiiiit. Ask me who’s kicking her self right about now.


Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Whoopin that Bitch’s Ass: Is it ever okay?

I’ve never been a fighter. I always thought I was too pretty for that. I didn’t understand girls who slicked up their faces with Vaseline after school or showed up with switchblade scars across their cheek for fuckin with some random chick’s so-called boyfriend. Just never seemed worth it to me. What I wanna get my clothes my daddy paid good money for all ripped up? Why do I want my freshly pressed hair pulled out and my face defaced? No thanks, not cute. And since I’ve been grown, even more so. I do not fight hoes. I am not a fighter. That shyt is stupid.

That being said, sometimes the alternative, having a nice sit-down for a meeting of the minds isn’t really an alternative at all. Yeah, yeah the pen is mightier than the sword and words are lethal and all that, but there are some people that you just can’t talk to. Sometimes a bitch just needs to get one in the mouth, am I right or wrong?

So here’s my question: Is it ever acceptable for a near 30-year old women to resort to fisticuffs to handle a problem? (I’m not talking about self-defense. Of course if somebody comes at you, you have to fend them off. I’m talkin about kickin some shyt off because that’s the only way you feel it can really be handled). I hadn’t thought so, till the other night when my big sis called me talking about this chick had thrown a drink in her face.

The chick is grown as hell, 44 years old and ugly as dirt. I’ve seen her. She’s been stalking my sister for some time now, comin to her place of work (she’s a part-time bartender) eyein her and shyt from the other side of the room. Sending messages through other people and poppin off threats. She has this mistaken idea that my sis is fuckin with this dude (who absolutely is not her man anyway) but who she wants to be with. At any rate, it's not goin down and my sis and dude are just friends. But apparently the fatal attraction chick is a jilted ex.

So the other night, the chick comes into my sis’s place of work, it’s near closing time when she saunters up to the bar in her drunken-ugliness. (LOL). She grabs my sister’s arm like a school teacher and warns her to leave said dude alone. She then throws a drink in her face, spewing obscenities. Did I say this chick is 44 years old? Yes.

Big Sis said she didn’t even know what to do, she just started pelting the chick with ice cubes from behind the bar as security wrestled the woman outta the venue.

I was heated when I got the phone call. I’ve seen the chick in action, I’ve heard the stories from my sis and from dude about her “fatal attraction” and I really wanted it to be aired out in a grown-folks conversation at the time. But now, this bitch has made it physical. I feel like it’s too late for talking.

I think if I woulda been there I woulda fought that bitch, I’m just sayin. I’m grown, somebody’s mama, and the most non-confrontational, peace-making person you’d ever wanna meet. (Really, to a fault). But that shyt right thurr woulda had to come to blows all in the club. So glad I wasn’t there though, cause really what could I have done? I’ve seen this chick, she’s a big bitch. I woulda had to grab a bottle and drop that shyt on her head. The police would’ve been called and just that quickly, I’m caught up in a case. Damn. Just what BD’s sneaky ass, always-lookin-for-some-shyt-on-me ass needs. So glad I wasn’t there. Kind of. I still wanna get that bitch tho.

So what ya’ll think? Is it ever, ever, ever okay for a woman, over 25 years old to get to fightin in the street? LOL. Hit up the survey to the right, please. Preciate ya.

-- Mel


Monday, June 23, 2008

Girl Play: Is she serious?

Dear Melyssa,

I guess I have two questions. First, me and my best friend have been tight since high school. Tight through her failed marriage, the births of both our kids, cheating boyfriends, changing jobs … we been through it. I love this chick. This is my ace chick. But not like that. Lately, she’s been real touchy feely with me.

We’ve always hugged hello and goodbye, kisses on the check sometimes, whatever. I never thought anything of this stuff. But what about we’re laying on the sofa the other week, on opposite ends watchin TV and she starts to give me a foot rub. Woah, right? Is it just me? I was a little uncomfortable and embarrassed, so I pretended like I was ticklish and pulled away. She just came at me more and we’re “play” wrestling on the sofa and on the floor and she’s laughing and smiling, and I was too, but just because I didn’t know what else to do. Okay, that’s one time.

Then this other time we were getting dressed at my house, bout to go to the club. I had just come out of the shower and she was already getting her dress on. So I dropped my towel and commenced to oiling up. I didn’t think anything of it. We’ve been roommates before, we’ve seen each other naked, we’ve walked in on each other having sex, we’ve actually had sex with our boyfriends in the same room before. LOL. I thought nothing of it. But something about the way I caught her peepin me in the mirror freaked me out and I finished dressing in the walk-in closet, pretending like I was looking for something to wear.

First of all, I’m straight as a fucking arrow and love the dick. But I also love this chick like a sister and don’t want to offend her. How can I bring this issue to her without ruining everything and creeping us both out? Is this even something we need to talk about? Am I being sensitive?

-- Strickly Dickly

Dear Strickly Dickly,

First of all, me too. : ) Now that that’s outta the way, my knee jerk reaction is, your girl’s waaaaay outta line and needs to be set straight. With something like this, it shouldn’t take more than one wrinkle of your face, one strong pull away of your arm, or a firmly stated, “stop it” to end all this shyt. She’s probably just as nervous about this new terrain – assuming it’s new terrain for her – as you are.

But what keeps me from going totally with that advice is the fact that you know this girl as well as you do. Yall are upper tight, been down for years, and through a few stages of life together. People don’t just have friends like that. I have two. I consider myself blessed. But thatabout it. So just off the strength of your relationship with her and you saying this behavior is brand new … I dunno. Wouldn’t you have known if she dabbled in puss? LOL. (didn’t that sound horrible? I know. Funny tho). But really, isn’t this a discussion yall woulda had by now, whether over a girl’s shopping and lunch date or a drunken confession at a late night co-ed Truth or Dare set? Homosexual proclivities don’t just pop up, as far as I know, I mean. I’d think this is something you’d already know about your girl. I dunno. Sorry I’m not being any more decisive. But you know her best.

How about this? Why don’t you ask her if she’s ever thought about being with a woman. Not like a direct interview question, but throw it in to your next girl talk/gossip session.

Y’know, “I hear Jada and Will both get it in on the low …” or whatever.

“I don’t know if I could have my man getting dicked down on the side, I don’t give a damn how much money he makes … could you be with another woman?”

Like you’re just throwin it out there. If she’s really been looking for an “in” with all this girl play, then she’ll definitely take it. If not, then there’s your answer.

-- Mel

Just to keep it 100, and because I do love to share my biz, one of my best girlfriends and I put on quite a show for one unsuspecting and lucky-as-hell dude back in college. We discussed it before hand, picked him out special and got nice and drunk. LOL. Good times. Nothing below the belt tho. No disrespect to the GLBT community, but that shit is nasty. I don’t know how straight dudes do it but God blessem!


Friday, June 20, 2008

Day After Pill the Day Before: How trifling is this? I need to know …

Okay I need some feedback. (well not me) LOL …

Say, you’re with this dude right … and it’s about to go down. Clothes are off, bed linens are strewn and it’s riiiiight there and you’re like, “um, dyou have something?”

And he’s like, “Yeah.”

More rubbing around …

Again, you say, “um, you need to go get something if you don’t have something.”

And he’s like, “okay, lemme run out to my truck.”

What the fuck was he thinkin, right? You left the shit in your truck? Ugh.

Anyway, so he comes back with it, but again with the bare rubbing around.

AND THEN … The slip in. NOOOOOooooOOOOOoooooOOOO!

So good, but so bad.

“No, no, no” you say between your own ecstatic gasps and his vigorous pumping. “You need to put it on.”

"Don’t worry, I’m not bout to cum,” he pants.

And three thrusts later, the pulsing. Damn.

These are situations the day after pill, commercially billed as Plan B, was created for. Well, sort of. Times like this one, days when you’ve accidentally missed your pill a couple times in the past week, the condom slips or breaks and of course if you’ve (God forbid) had forced sex. It comes in a handy little $45 pack at Walgreens. If you’re over 18, all you need is an ID to buy it. No prescription or anything. Good stuff.

So that’s what you do. You and dude run up to the Walgreens in the morning and purchase a Plan B. As long as it’s taken within 72 hours of unprotected sex, it’s said to be effective.

Only, it’s Saturday morning. Honestly, your sex-filled weekend just began. What’s the harm in waiting till Sunday morning to pop the lil pills? LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL.

I’m JUST ASKIN! Geeze.

How trifling is it, assuming neither of you is worried about contracting disease, to have a second long, sweaty, hedonistic night of rough, rugged and raw sex, while both the latex and the Plan B sit on the nightstand? (Shouts to M.)

Hit up the survey on the right. Holla.

-- Mel

Sorry for the somewhat cryptic posting. I dunno what to say. Kids, strap up.


Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Get yo hand outta my pocket

I don’t know if it’s this impending recession, skyrocketing oil prices or what, but Open-palm Itis is becoming an epidemic, specifically with the male population. (In fairness tho, perhaps it’s just the men I’ve recently come across. Maybe I need to branch out, frequent some different places … Let me get on that).

But it’s not just me. I’ve heard horror stories form girlfriends, too and my sister just had to let one go for the same monetary violations.

She was just talking to me about it the other day. She was seein this dude – I met him recently and he’s fine as hell – ambitious, smart, seems to have a good head on his shoulder, charismatic, all that … So why is he askin my fam for gas money?

When she told me dude had hit her up for $20, and $30 I was like, “aw hell naw, please cancel his line of credit and delete his contact in your phone.”

It’s not easy for any of us to get around at $4 a gallon, but this nigga shoulda been tryin to walk somewhere before he hits my sister up for a tank of gas. That’s some ole bullshyt. And then got the nerve to try to holla? Fuck outta here. If he's askin you for gas money he can't do shyt for you. Not only that, but if he’s askin you, who should be a last resort for cash, apparently nobody else can do shyt for him, either. Ie, his mama, his cousin, his brother, his boy … Just not a good situation, all the way around.

I understand everybody needs help sometimes, but you cannot ask me for money and woo me at the same time. Just doesn’t work. You don’t have to be bleeding money, but you do need to be self sufficient, and not only that, but able and willing to do a little something for me in addition.

I don’t care if you’re not doin shyt but ringin up my groceries at the Wally World, don't holla unless you tryin to slide a couple a these food items straight into that bag over there. Lol. Really tho. Food is expensive as hell right about now.

When we go out to eat and I offer to pay, I don't expect to. At least the first few outtings, that is. I mean, dude's supposed to be trying to get in, right? Unless we are in an established relationship, that halfsies shyt is some bullshyt.

Needless to say, sis has since kicked that sorry dude to the curb. Nothin doin.

-- Mel


Monday, June 16, 2008

Ask Melyssa: Is my man cheating?

Dear Melyssa,

I know it’s gonna be hard for you to answer this but I need to know if my man is cheating. We stay together and for the last month or so the phone has been ringin all late at night, he leaves his cell in the car when he comes home and the real shyt that has my mind blown, he woke up to slashed tires the other morning. What’s really hood?

Of course he says he's not fucking around and he has no idea why somebody would cut up his tires and bitches are crazy and blah blah blah. But really? I don’t know, I;m just having trouble believing it.

To top it all off, I’m pregnant. So I’m thinking, should I give dude the benefit of the doubt for our child’s sake, or skate?

-- On the Verge

Hey On the Verge,

In a couple words, your man is getting it in on the side.

The phone ringing could a be a small thing, leaving the cell in the car could be accidental … well, maybe. But the slashed tires. That is the work of a woman scorned. Sounds like he fucked her and he’s not fuckin her any more, to me. Or maybe he’s been saying he’s gonna leave you alone and she just found out you’re pregnant. Either way, she knows where your man lives, so she definitely knows about you. And you don’t just up and slash a nigga’s tires. He must’ve broken some pretty big promises.

I do not believe in sticking around for the sake of the kids. Been there, done that and that’s some bullshit. He needs to come clean or you need to roll. Better yet, get that phone bill and call this chick up. I’d love to be in on that conversation.

Best of luck.

-- Mel

PS I know I know, it's not Monday, it's Tuesday, but I had the craziest weekend in Cashville (shouts) and I'm really just recovering. Great time. I'll def have to tell ya'll about it once I collect my thoughts. That whole near-three-years without thing? Down the drain. Damn! I even drunk-dialed Digital. Wow. I was off my ass. We'll see how this one spins out.


Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Suing the slut on the side

Alienation of affection [eyl-yuh-ney-shuhn . of . uh-fek-shuhn] - Any intentional, malevolent intrusion into the relationship between a married couple.

Y’all ever heard of this? Apparently, there’s an actual law on the books in some states allowing a cheated-on wife to sue the woman her husband had an affair with for alienation of affection, and in some cases, the marriage doesn't even have to end up in divorce to file suit. Crazy, but true.

Saw this ep on Dr. Phil the other day where this woman was sued by the wife of the man she poached for half a million dollars when the two ended up divorcing. The mistress paid up when they settled out of court for an undisclosed amount.

Sounds like a little poetic justice, but the woman didn’t even know the man was still with his wife while they were getting down. And when he did fess up that he was in fact not separated but very married and living with his wife, the extra-marital relationship ended.

Still, years later when his marriage went caput, the jilted wife went hard after the old flame in court. Wow. Not only that, but the side chick could not use the fact that the married couple had problems before the affair as a defense. Doesn’t matter if they were at each other’s throats long before he met her, she got it in with him, so she’s responsible. And there’s NO law in place to punish the husband or otherwise hold him accountable for the role his dick played in the tryst.

Never been married, but I’ve been on both sides of the cheating fence and neither is a good situation. It is a horrible, heart-ripping, floor-falling-out-from-beneath-your-feet, self -deprecating feeling to find out somebody you thought was in love with you has been lying to you. And I definitely understand wanting restitution after being robbed of your relationship. But how do you prove in a court of law, or even to yourself in your own mind, that some slut on the side is single-handedly responsible for taking your man? And he gets what, nothing? A few angry sessions with a marriage counselor, if he’s even conceding to all that?

Personally, I think it’s a bunch of bullshyt, but a large portion of Dr. Phil’s audience applauded for the law. What ya’ll think? You wanna sue the slut your man’s stickin? Hit up the survey to the right.

From what I’ve read, this law only works one way. Sorry fellas, you can’t sue your tramp wife for bangin the mailman. Suck it up.

-- Mel

PS As of January 2008, the only states in the United States that allow alienation of affection lawsuits are: Hawaii, Illinois, Mississippi, New Mexico, North Carolina, South Dakota, and Utah. Word.

Then there's always this option:


Monday, June 9, 2008

She put out, but he won't give it up

Dear Melyssa,

I’ve been messing with this guy I like, and I want to, but we haven’t really hooked up yet. Before I can sleep with a guy I have to have that emotional connection with him first so, we only did the whole oral thing at first. Mostly on him, actually.

My and my husband were separated for about five years and I wanted to have one last fling before we got together again, so I spoke with the "tease" and it seemed like he wanted it as much as I did but ...

it just never happened.

He no longer works at my company (yes, this all happened at work). His main excuse is that he did not want to "dip his pen in the company ink". So he still calls me right and he still tells me that he wants me and we make plans to see each other later and again he leaves me hot and bothered.

So here's my thing -- Say what you mean and mean what you say. I'm a spoiled brat and I have always gotten my way, except for him. Now I don't know if I really still want it or if I simply want it because I don't have it. It's funny how a girl will play around with a man's head (no pun intended) but it's a completely different game when the tables are turned. This sucks! I feel like I'm 12 again.

-- Frustrated

Dear Frustrated,

I haaaaate dudes like this. Ugh. Ive had one. Frankly, if you’re hittin him off with head and he’s finishing, he doesn’t really need the other. So first, cut that shyt out.

That’s even if you still really even wanna eff with dude. He sounds pussy to me, quite frankly and it seems like he’s playing with your head. Haven’t we all been on the other end of that phone call, tho. The one where you’re telling him you wanna do this and you wanna do that knowin that you may or may not even have real intentionsof doin shyt like that. It’s just nice to have the attention … to know there’s someone you can call who’ll stroke your ego quite nice for a few minutes, and then you’re good. Sounds like that’s why he’s keeping this charade with you. Not to mention the dome. : )

I totally understand not wanting to take no for an answer. Who the fuck is he to say no anyway!? Right? Girl, I’m right there with you. But this is how you flip it – stop calling him. Just stop. And when he calls you, don’t pick up. Right now you’re chasing and he clearly likes it that way. Change directions on his ass. After he calls a couple of times, pick up, like, “Hey what’s up. Chillin, whatre you doin, hold on … (talking in the background). Hey lemme call you right back.” Then don’t.

Either he’ll play his new position and up the ante, or he’ll stop calling. Either way, you're the one who ended it. And isn’t that the point? LOL.

Go get it in with somebody else before you settle back into the happy housewife role. Forever is a loooong time. : )

-- Mel


Thursday, June 5, 2008

Obamagasm: He's comin, he's comin, he's ... 'Yes we can!'

Couldn’t let this historic feat pass without at least making mention of it. Words can’t even express how excited I am. Perhaps the pic to the right does.

I am so happy, proud, elated, perhaps a tad orgasmic (lol) … I wanted to shout when I heard the news on CNN the other night. Shout like you do at your grandma’s Church of God in Christ with the organ pounding and drums beatin. Absolutely over joyed.

This dude got past Jeremiah Wright’s big mouth (though I did find him immensely entertaining), the Klu Klux Klinton’s shady accusations and a region of blue collar, Midwestern-bred white folk who are scared to death at a colored man heading up the country. I feel good.

The president looks like me! And my baby boy, and thousands of other little black boys who only had basketball players, rappers, deceased civil rights icons and old, out-of-touch leaders talking heads to look up to before. I am overwhelmed.

This intense pleasure is tempered though, with the arguable inevitability of Barack taking Hillary on as his No. 2. Ugh. I mean, I’ve heard the arguments and I understand the possible necessity in having her on the democratic ticket. A lot of people with money are pissed that she got swept and if their anger isn’t consoled they may very well go the entire opposite way – 70-somethin, old as shyt, Vietnam War vet John Mc-half-dead-Cain. God forbid. Case in point, this stupid bitch with one foot in the damn grave, right hurr (after the jump).

Black people, please vote. Please.

-- Mel



Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Measuring His Love: How much is too much?

So in my seemingly never-ending quest for my next victim, no man in my life, no first husband, I decided to ink out exactly what I’m looking for. I’m in the process of putting a list of man requirements on paper in the form of an official Qualifying Process. (Yes, it’s really about to be that serious). So if you got any ideas about what a man must do to get your time, holla.

Anyway, one of the items on my list is faithful adoration. I don’t know who’s with me, but I require attention and maintenance. A lot of it. I need to be adored, ya heard?

That being said, there is a limit. There’s a line when admiration becomes worship and sensitivity becomes bitchassness ...

Neither of which am I interested in, by the way.

So how to tell then, if your man is a healthy knows-how-to-keep-his-woman type, or if he’s teetering on the edge? You know, when you go from basking in his waiting on your every whim to becoming sick from the constant doting … the calling … ugh, the texting.

When the more immature of us (perhaps I’m just speaking for myself here) begin making absolutely ridiculous demands, whether they be of time, money or whatever, just tryin to hear dude say “no” (because he says yes to every damn thing).

Personally, I don’t want a man who is gonna change up his whole style for me. Don’t go to church all the sudden because I do, and don’t pretend to be OK with abstinence because I’ve closed down shop for the time being – which I have by the way, tho I haven’t come across anyone yet who’s even pretended to be OK with that. LOL. But like I was sayin, it’s so not sexy to change your swag for a chick. Do you, I’ll do me and if it works, that’s great. But if it doesn’t, forcing a square peg into a round hole is not cool.

I had one like that. He was 6’3 easy, muscle bound, dark chocolate and hung like a horse. The sex? Crazy. But everything else was just too much. I called him Cuddle Monster because he was always huggin on me, pullin on me, holding my hand, kissin me in public, askin me if I loved him after I just told him yes five minutes ago … I really couldn’t take it. Had to let him go. That was several years ago.

Recently, he emailed me some beautiful pics of his beach-side wedding and I felt a pang as the jpegs appeared on my screen. Had I let a good one get away? Probably. But even too much of a good thing, isn’t so good. How y’all feel?

-- Mel


Monday, June 2, 2008

Ask Melyssa: Should I cheat with a yung dude?

Dear Melyssa,

I’m in a relationship with this dude, we’ve been together about four years. I knew during the second year that the relationship wasn’t about shyt, but I’m still in it because he really is the only person I have in the city that I live. Something is better than nothing mentality. Wrong, but it is what it is.

Anyway, I’ve had this little thing going with my best friend’s brother back home, it’s never been physical as he’s three years younger than me and I left for college at seventeen. Girl, he’s 21 now, 6’5”, chocolate, and finer than a motherplucker.
He’s had his little childhood crush on me since he was like eight, and I never took him seriously, but over the last year or so he’s been piquing my interest in a major way. I’m going home to visit, and I really can’t say that if we were alone somewhere -- which I’m fairly certain will happen -- that I’ll be faithful to my relationship.

I need to know if I am really wrong to cheat on dude because our relationship is unfulfilling. I mean unfulfilling sexually, mentally, emotionally. I am certain that he loves me, but he’s just a bad fit. And I can’t say I would feel guilty if I did it, because he’s done enough dirt (though that doesn’t include f’ing other chicks.)

Best Friend’s Brother has a girlfriend, but that’s some little one month shyt and I know for a fact that he has no qualms about leaving her for me, let alone f’ing me while he’s with her.

But, to cheat or not to cheat?

-Feenin’ For Baby Brother

Dear Feenin For Baby Brother,

I have been in your predicament before. In a relationship that sucked, having sex that sucked -- or at least being poked at night after night in the hopes that we’d have sex (that would inevitably suck) – feeling unfulfilled uncommunicative and achingly unsatisfied. It’s a miserable existence. Good for me though, I had my just-months-old son to keep me home, grounded and regrettably faithful abstinent.

Good for you, though, you don’t. LOL. Really, if the guy you’re with isn’t the guy for you, you’re not happy, it’s not goin anywhere … I mean …

No, lemme back up and give you the good advice, first. Cheating is never okay. It’s not right to lie to your partner. You should always end one relationship before beginning, or even dabbling in, another. If I’ve learned NOTHING AT ALL from the fiasco that ensued when I started up with an old boyfriend’s best friend and didn’t tell him until I was pregnant with dude’s baby … (and subsequently ruined any chance of potentially being with the man I really wanted to be with) it’s to be straight up in all my dealings. And in my next relationship, I will be. There.

Now. Girl is he that fine? And 6’5”!? I love a man that towers over me. That shyt is sooo sexy. That was a sidebar, sorry.

Now. Before I’d even be concerned about the boyfriend that you don’t see a future with anyway, I’d ask how your girl feels about you getting down with her brother. Been there done that about crossing those kinds of lines ... not pretty. But if she’s cool about it and you don’t feel like it could become messy … (messy like one of you catches feelings and takes to asking your girl/sister questions about the whereabouts and habits of the other … shyt like that). Then, why not, really?

I mean, dude’s outta state, you know it can’t really become serious because of his age, the distance between the two of you and your current situation. So commitment's out, love's out, marriage and kids and all the heavy stuff is out. What that does leave the two of you open for though, is a hot steamy four-day weekend (or three-month summer, or however long you're gonna be home) affair. No strings, no expectations, no accountability … Damn I miss those days.

I’m gonna take the moral low road here and say, do that shyt! LOL. And not just because I’d love to hear about it and live vicariously thru your illicit exploits once it’s done – tho definitely hit me up – but because you’re young, unmarried and you don’t owe anybody anything but yourself and your mama. LOL, somebody told me that once. Terrible, I know. But you said you’re not gonna feel guilty about it anyway, so eff it.

But really, whether you go for it or not, at some point, it’s gonna be time to face the imminent end of the relationship you’re already in. I know it’s hard, especially if you don’t know anyone where you are, but you’ll be sooo much happier. I wish I had branched out sooner, after hooking up with the man who is now my BD merely because of that comfort factor. It’s hard.

Hoepfully baby brother is, too. LOL. Getem girl.

-- Mel

PS Is that bad? All this solo sex has got me frustrated.

You put a song in my head:

"Mama you may be three years older but you hot, gimme that ... "

That "Take You Down" makes me wanna get me a young mang. Some nice close-ups in this vid rendition. :)

It is IMPOSSIBLE to find find an official Chris Brown video with an embed link on Youtube. I swear this lil nig has a dude on the payroll who's sole responsibility it is to scour the net and pull down links all day. Damn.
And in recent garbage, (tho just as sweet today as it was yesterday) Kobe likes to cum on chicks faces, choke em out while hitting it from the back and other points of TMI you may or may not have wanted to know about your favorite NBA star, over at my other blog: