Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Measuring His Love: How much is too much?

So in my seemingly never-ending quest for my next victim, no man in my life, no first husband, I decided to ink out exactly what I’m looking for. I’m in the process of putting a list of man requirements on paper in the form of an official Qualifying Process. (Yes, it’s really about to be that serious). So if you got any ideas about what a man must do to get your time, holla.

Anyway, one of the items on my list is faithful adoration. I don’t know who’s with me, but I require attention and maintenance. A lot of it. I need to be adored, ya heard?

That being said, there is a limit. There’s a line when admiration becomes worship and sensitivity becomes bitchassness ...

Neither of which am I interested in, by the way.

So how to tell then, if your man is a healthy knows-how-to-keep-his-woman type, or if he’s teetering on the edge? You know, when you go from basking in his waiting on your every whim to becoming sick from the constant doting … the calling … ugh, the texting.

When the more immature of us (perhaps I’m just speaking for myself here) begin making absolutely ridiculous demands, whether they be of time, money or whatever, just tryin to hear dude say “no” (because he says yes to every damn thing).

Personally, I don’t want a man who is gonna change up his whole style for me. Don’t go to church all the sudden because I do, and don’t pretend to be OK with abstinence because I’ve closed down shop for the time being – which I have by the way, tho I haven’t come across anyone yet who’s even pretended to be OK with that. LOL. But like I was sayin, it’s so not sexy to change your swag for a chick. Do you, I’ll do me and if it works, that’s great. But if it doesn’t, forcing a square peg into a round hole is not cool.

I had one like that. He was 6’3 easy, muscle bound, dark chocolate and hung like a horse. The sex? Crazy. But everything else was just too much. I called him Cuddle Monster because he was always huggin on me, pullin on me, holding my hand, kissin me in public, askin me if I loved him after I just told him yes five minutes ago … I really couldn’t take it. Had to let him go. That was several years ago.

Recently, he emailed me some beautiful pics of his beach-side wedding and I felt a pang as the jpegs appeared on my screen. Had I let a good one get away? Probably. But even too much of a good thing, isn’t so good. How y’all feel?

-- Mel


cutienjerzey said...

Mel, I am with you all the way. I was with my ex for the past 11 years. I recently had another baby who is turning 1 in a few weeks( we have a 7 yr old together and I have a 16 yr old from my 1st sexual expierence that he's been taking care of as well). Soon after the birth of my last son I realized that he was not who wanted to spend the rest of my life with. He's a gemini and I am a leo and we just don't mix.

So I have decided to abstain from sex, and try to find someone for who will love me unconditionally with all my flaws and baggage (children from previous relationship). Like you I want someone who is going to spoil and cater to me but to a certain extent. When I need my space I need my space.

Melyssa Ganache said...

I'm a Leo too! And girl, I'm lookin for somebody to pick up soma these here bags, too. LOL. He just has to have a backbone to go with that soft spot, you know. I got enough pussy for the two of us, I don't need him to be puss, too. I can't take it.

Melyssa Ganache said...

And good for you for shuttin it down for a minute. Make these negros work. :)

Trin-Trin said...

YES!!!! i tend to think im a little lower maintenence because guys can get on my nerves easily and quickly, esp. if they require too much from me...but if i really dig dude, then yeah i feel some type of way if he dont call me or show me the attention i want him too...but bitchassness i cannot deal with at all. i cut off one guy i was talking to bcuz he made a totally inappropriate comment during sex (he was like he didnt want me to leave philly after graduation so he wanted to get me pregnant...took off the condom and everything! told him i was not having it, next day my ass was in line at cvs getting that plan b, and never answered his calls again)...thats anutha thing im good for...if u gettin on my nerves, i can cut you off with out saying anything and feel NO a little mean :-\...

and for the qualifying process...i wrote a blog about that:

thatnyckhick said...

At a younger age -and not so far in the past- I didn't want to be THAT girl with all the rules and stipulations on a relationship. But I snapped out of that shit real quick b/c there are very few things that you can be relaxed about and a sex partner/bf/baby daddy/husband is not one of them. Once ish gets off + poppin there's no telling what can happen, so dude that you mess with casually can become a permanent fixture.
So yea, now I have a list and I try to keep it short...

secure(in every way, mentally, financially...I'm too old to fall for that MickyD's paycheck/adult add shit)

funny(i don't need your ass bringing me down, make me smile)

intelligent (duh)

attractive (enough that I won't turn over + really hate your features on our future child)

uncomplicated (b/c I have enough ish to deal w. for the both of us)

nonshalant said...

Whoa wait a min... see 4 some guys though they just wanna make that woman feel special, some men were raised right and just wanna show a woman wat bein a queen really is. but if ur not into that or not as much as he's giving then honesty is the best answer.. tell him 2 back back some, ease up on the affection a lil'bit.. and u'll either get a man who says yea thats cool or a bitch who says "U hurt me feelings and runs away cryin" but try the honesty part cuz wat do u really prefer a bitch made nigga who treats u like a queen or a rough neck that trets u like a ho and fucks all the wemon wit 2 legs?