Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Whoopin that Bitch’s Ass: Is it ever okay?

I’ve never been a fighter. I always thought I was too pretty for that. I didn’t understand girls who slicked up their faces with Vaseline after school or showed up with switchblade scars across their cheek for fuckin with some random chick’s so-called boyfriend. Just never seemed worth it to me. What I wanna get my clothes my daddy paid good money for all ripped up? Why do I want my freshly pressed hair pulled out and my face defaced? No thanks, not cute. And since I’ve been grown, even more so. I do not fight hoes. I am not a fighter. That shyt is stupid.

That being said, sometimes the alternative, having a nice sit-down for a meeting of the minds isn’t really an alternative at all. Yeah, yeah the pen is mightier than the sword and words are lethal and all that, but there are some people that you just can’t talk to. Sometimes a bitch just needs to get one in the mouth, am I right or wrong?

So here’s my question: Is it ever acceptable for a near 30-year old women to resort to fisticuffs to handle a problem? (I’m not talking about self-defense. Of course if somebody comes at you, you have to fend them off. I’m talkin about kickin some shyt off because that’s the only way you feel it can really be handled). I hadn’t thought so, till the other night when my big sis called me talking about this chick had thrown a drink in her face.

The chick is grown as hell, 44 years old and ugly as dirt. I’ve seen her. She’s been stalking my sister for some time now, comin to her place of work (she’s a part-time bartender) eyein her and shyt from the other side of the room. Sending messages through other people and poppin off threats. She has this mistaken idea that my sis is fuckin with this dude (who absolutely is not her man anyway) but who she wants to be with. At any rate, it's not goin down and my sis and dude are just friends. But apparently the fatal attraction chick is a jilted ex.

So the other night, the chick comes into my sis’s place of work, it’s near closing time when she saunters up to the bar in her drunken-ugliness. (LOL). She grabs my sister’s arm like a school teacher and warns her to leave said dude alone. She then throws a drink in her face, spewing obscenities. Did I say this chick is 44 years old? Yes.

Big Sis said she didn’t even know what to do, she just started pelting the chick with ice cubes from behind the bar as security wrestled the woman outta the venue.

I was heated when I got the phone call. I’ve seen the chick in action, I’ve heard the stories from my sis and from dude about her “fatal attraction” and I really wanted it to be aired out in a grown-folks conversation at the time. But now, this bitch has made it physical. I feel like it’s too late for talking.

I think if I woulda been there I woulda fought that bitch, I’m just sayin. I’m grown, somebody’s mama, and the most non-confrontational, peace-making person you’d ever wanna meet. (Really, to a fault). But that shyt right thurr woulda had to come to blows all in the club. So glad I wasn’t there though, cause really what could I have done? I’ve seen this chick, she’s a big bitch. I woulda had to grab a bottle and drop that shyt on her head. The police would’ve been called and just that quickly, I’m caught up in a case. Damn. Just what BD’s sneaky ass, always-lookin-for-some-shyt-on-me ass needs. So glad I wasn’t there. Kind of. I still wanna get that bitch tho.

So what ya’ll think? Is it ever, ever, ever okay for a woman, over 25 years old to get to fightin in the street? LOL. Hit up the survey to the right, please. Preciate ya.

-- Mel


Trin-Trin said...

that is childish!! mess!! i think that yes, over a certain age, you should be able to handle your problems w/out fighting...and as long as you're not the one starting the confrontation than you in the clear...but even when you're provoked, a woman should know how to walk away. you react then ol'girl gets what she wants. disrespectful yes, but u gotta stay above that shyt. walk away, holla @ dude who she want, tell his ass to handle it, and if he dont, call the cops and file a report.
one thing i have learned is to never fight a crazy bitch cuz them mufukkas dont stop! one ass whuppin aint enough for them! esp. them hoodrat ones...i think it takes alot more strength (of character) to kno you better than that and to walk away.

Anonymiss said...

How does the song go? Oh yeah, "I'd beat that bitch wit a bat!" Sike.

But seriously, I'd really have to beat her ass. There's no way of getting around it. Don't put your hands on me, don't stalk me, and there won't be any problems.

And I'm not an advocate of violence either (I'm also too cute for violence :-D) but when my safety is jeopardized, it will be Vaseline on my face, a scarf on my head, tape on my knuckles, and sneakers on my feet.

If I were your sis, I'd have asked the bar owner to have that woman banned and I'd have requested a restraining order long before the situation at the bar where she was grabbed. But then grabbing of the arm = bottle upside the head.

And if ol' girl's that big, I'd rush her ass, watch her fall in a millisecond, and beat her senseless with whatever object within reach.

Yes, that is a tip that should be extended to your sis :-D

Melyssa Ganache said...

You gon get us all locked up listenin to you, Anonymiss. LOL.

I laughed out loud picturin this big chick gettin rushed to the floor, like a cheetah charging an elephant on the animal channel, only funny.

Taped up knuckles? Ima have to file that one away. That could come in handy.

I'm with you Trin-Trin. I'll be back in Cashville in a couple weeks and if I see that bitch ... Ill just try to be better.

cutienjerzey said...

Girl, Girl.....once the drink would have hit my face, I would have been over that bar counter with the quickness. Mel we are LEO's so you know how we tolerate a lot of things, but this right right here would have brought the HOOD out of me. I would have been so un-ladylike....hmmm hmm hmmm...I'm mad right along with you, like she is my sis....You know we have to stick together! LOL

Anonymous said...


I had a similar incident. Some friends and I were out for a birthday celebration at this club, and this chick comes up to my girl at the bar (while we are waiting for our 4th shots of Patron, so you know we were already THERE), says my girl is trying to steal her man (definitely was not even stud'n her man, who was her ex we later found out), and before I know it, homegirl throws a beer bottle across and hits my girl in the forehead!!! I must tell you how the shit went from a cool night to all out mayhem. She had the jump on us, though, as we were pinned against the bar by everybody trying to get in/out the way. What's worse is that my girl didn't get to get her licks in, everybody started holding us back. Nothing is worse than when you can't get one good hit. I know that to this day, if my girl happens to see homegirl again, it is gonna be ON. And we all college graduates with kids AND husbands. Sometimes it's just the principle....

Melyssa Ganache said...

Damn, not to the forehead! I hope you get her, Anonymous. :)