Monday, June 30, 2008

Bought & Paid For: Earning sex on the side

Dear Melyssa,

A good friend of mine is engaged to a constant cheater. I want to stop her from making the biggest mistake of her life but I don’t know how to do it without alienating her and ruining our friendship, or making her think I’m jealous (I’m not married myself).

She thinks she’s found the perfect man, and on paper, he does look pretty good. He has a great job, handles all the bills, sends her on vacays with the girls and shopping trips and just takes good financial care of her. But he’s been caught at least five times in the past year with other women. Each time, my friend is destroyed. She’s crying, she’s talking about leaving him … and each time he apologizes, makes some excessive gesture and she’s right back in again. I don’t get it.

I do not wanna see my girl hurt. I love this girl like a sister and I know for a fact she’s going to be miserable of she goes through with the wedding. Just dating him has sent her through so much shit, I don’t even know why the hell she’d wanna make it legal anyway.

So what should I tell her? Should I just stay out of it?

-- Good Friend

Dear Good Friend,

If it were the first time he’d been caught cheating, even the second, I might tell you to take your friend to the side and have a serious talk with her. But if we’re looking at the fifth offense in as little as 365 days … cmon, what can you really tell her that she doesn’t know? She knows he’s unfaithful and probably never will be. She also knows that he pays the mortgage on time, the car note is never late and she stays fly and flashy and with some cash in her pocket. Have you not considered that there’s a trade-off going on here?

A few years ago, I had this conversation with a wealthy gentleman I know. He’s young, black, single, no kids and sells beats for a living. He’s done major work for Jay-Z. Anyway, he basically told me his relationship with wifey is like this: He’s back and forth to New York and L.A. (he has an apartment there) and when he’s there he does him. She stays at the big house in Atlanta, she drives the cars, she has hired help around the house and she has a credit card in addition to a monthly cash stipend. (And these two aren’t even married!) He takes care of her well. In return, and these are not my words, but his …

“In return, all I want is to come home and not get a headache.”

Sounds simple enough. The more detailed ground rules include him not having unprotected sex, not bringing chicks to the house in ATL, and not making major purchases (over $10,000) for these side chicks. But what’s so deep about his sit is that his girl understands that there will be side chicks. Aint that some shyt?

Really, it’s an agreement, spoken or unspoken, any woman who marries a super wealthy guy enters into. I’d be willing to wager there’s not one NBA wife who doesn’t know how to look the other way. How can she not? And if she doesn’t she’d better learn quickly. Men with money who spend a third of the year on the road fuck around. Bottom line.

My only question is whether your girl is really getting her due? I know a nigga needs to be pullin in millions if that shyt’s gonna be okay with me. Good money – 100, 200 thou, good money, is not enough to buy you a f*ck-when-you-get-ready card. That’s how you get divorced and lose half, real quick, f*ckin with me. Personal opinion. But obviously, whatever your girl is getting out of the deal is good enough.

Stay out of it.


-- Mel

When we first met, the beat maker dude tried to holla, too. I wasn’t really interested. Me and my "I have to be attracted to a man to be with him," standards. Shiiiiit. Ask me who’s kicking her self right about now.


Trin-Trin said...

We need to learn we are more valuable than material things, and that money is not equal to happiness. Ur right, she has made her choice and taken her trade off, and if she chooses to be miserable but taken care of then that's on her. It just makes me wonder how much she loves herself purposely allow herself to be hurt like that.