Monday, July 7, 2008

Lessons Unlearned: 2 years and I give it up for nothing

I’m bummed y’all. I try not to use this blog as a personal diary, but rather, a place to write and get feedback about issues that pertain to the lot of us, using stuff I’ve been through or friends or family have been through, as a catalyst for discussion.

But no Ask Melyssa Monday, today. Can we just talk?

So, I met this guy, right. It happened fast. He's a friend of a friend. We hung out all day and went out that night. We had great conversation, what I thought was a great connection, and we just clicked. The drinks were flowing, the night was creeping into morning and he’s the best kisser ever. I don’t even like kissing, but I think we must have lip-locked for over an hour. You know how you used to kiss when kissing was all there was, before it became a prelude to sex? It was like that. Only it actually was a prelude to sex. (I'm a grown ass woman, dog. :) ) Anyway, it wasn’t over-the-top romantic, but bumbling, spontaneous and passionate just the same. The stuff great vacation memories are made of.

I flew out a couple days later.

So I’ve been holding onto these images, happy as a lark, re-living them in my head and anxiously looking forward to my next vacay to his city. (And by the way, he footed the bill for the plane ticket for this next vacay which is slated to take off shortly).

But then today, I find out that he had a strikingly similar interlude last night with some other chick. (A white girl actually. Shouts to my snow bunnies. Is it racist that I find that as more of a blow than if the indiscretion had been with a sister? Just askin.) Anyway, perhaps this sounds stupid to the more evolved of my readers, but I am so angry. My stomach is in knots like I’m 17 and I feel hurt and betrayed. My ego’s bruised bad. (That is stupid, right? I mean, he is absolutely and definitely not my man).

So really, what am I angry about? No love was ever professed, we were not committed and quite frankly, the way things happened with her are strikingly similar to the way things happened with me – Late at night, after a long evening of partying, drunken and giggling in the dark ... I got all the dirty details today and it was the same exact run-down. Same club, same sofa … everything. It’s like his M.O. (Oh my gosh, this just occurred to me. Could he think that’s my MO, too?)

So I guess when it was me, it meant nothing. Why is that so hard for me to grasp? Especially being that it went down like it was nothing: quickly and easily with nil courtship. Still, it felt special just the same. Aren’t women silly that way? Of course, nothing that happens quickly or easily is special. How can it be? I really thought I was past this kind of diluted girlish thinking. I have clearly not matured as much as I thought I had.

How is it that men and women can feel so very differently about the same experience? Why is it that when it’s just you and him, it’s like it’s only you and him? Like because you’re the only woman in the room, you feel like the only woman in his world … So nonsensical, but doesn’t it feel that way?

I am so sick of learning this lesson. I will be sooo glad when I just get it.

And I am so celibate. Again.

-- Mel

PS: He doesn't know I know, by the way. When I see him though, I haven't decided how I'm gonna handle it. I won't be staying with him during my trip, but had planned on seeing much of him before all this came to light. Someone suggested I take him for as much as I can. (He has money and likes to throw it around, as you can see, buying $400 plane tix and shyt for women who clearly mean absolutely nothing to him <--- points to self). But I don't even think I could play him like that, tho I imagine it wouldn't be difficult. I genuinely liked him. Sucks. Meantime, I've deleted his number from my cell to keep me from calling and saying something rash. I want to be cool and deliberate when it's time, not angry or emotional.
I'll let y'all know how this one rounds out.


You Already Know said...

Youve been out the game too long. You know better than this. No you cant be mad. Youre not together. Just be glad he let you know what kind of dude he was early enought so you don't go trying to make it something it cant be. Now when your ein town if you wanna hang out and have a good time and it is what it is, thats cool. If you care about him and you cant handle that, you need to just leave him alone altogether. But youre slippin for real if you can't handle it. Wheres the Mel I used to know? LOL

Shaunell said...

How was the sex tho? lol

A singe male's point for view said...

Before you read the following, be warned that this comment is from a single male's point of view.

It's obvious homeboy is a playa. You should already known what it is Mel. You basically had no-strings attached sex . . . except you caught feelings. I guess in 2008 fore play still works with the ladies. I might have to try that on my next victim. Sike!! Who feels like kissing some random chick for hours on in like I'm a fucking 13 year old virgin . . . well maybe if she's a dime piece or a white girl (pun intended), I might put in a little work.

Ladies to avoid mistakes like these, just take it a back to your teenage years when a brother had to define the relationship in order to get in a female's pants . . . well I know thats what I had to do.

To answer Shaunell's question, of course the sex was good. If it wasn't Mel wouldn't have wrote this heated long ass blog entry. And the white girl had nothing to do with it. If that was the case Mel would have mentioned more than one sentence about her.

Finally, Mel you should feel too bad, at least you got a free vacation out of the deal. Most broads only get a drink at the club. lol

Trin-Trin said...

It happens to the best of us...such is life...don't beat urself up about it ol girl said, be glad he showed his true colors early, so that u know and won't get any more invested in it than u r...protect urself and ur heart first and foremost

cutienjerzey said...

Clearly you got caught slipping, and you can't be mad though. You and dude are not in any relationship, so you have to just wear this one..Go on your lil trip(at his expense)have a good time..DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT sleep with this nucca AGAIN. You already deleted his number out of your phone so you should be able to get over this loser quick...

a single male's point of view said...

I was just telling this story to one of my male co-workers and we both agreed that this whole situation in Mel's own fault. Any human being that denies themselves sexual pleasure, is just setting themselves up for failure.

Personally after 1 week with no sex, I turn into a angry black man.

Melyssa Ganache said...

Man you guys are so right. I feel a lot better about it today. What can I say, I'm an emotional being. But yeah it's a wrap with dude. I suppose I can't rightfully be mad but I can certainly clip ties.

Shaunell, the sex, was ... well ... the actual performance was ehh. I mean we were both fairly intoxicated. But the circumstance, the moment, the reckless abandon made it hot, yknow? The second time was better. The third was better than that. LOL. Did I say this went on for three days? Oh.

Thx Trin-Trin. I'm gonna chalk this one up and keep it movin.

One of my best girlfriends told me if dude buys me a tennis bracelet I should give him a break and just call it square. I need better friends. LOL.

Cutie, that is exactly what I plan to do; have a great time on his dime. I mean, I didn't go there the first time to meet him and I had a blast, right? Of course my stay became increasingly more entertaining after I had meet him ... let me just stay on task. We do frequent the same places, and I will def see him, but it's not goin down.

Thx Single Male. You're absolutely right. I know I did it to myself. I am weak. I can't ride with you on the whole celibacy=misery thing, tho. I found the time alone refreshing and emotionally freeing, actually. Sex makes things so messy and complicated. And I know had I not done the do with dude, I wouldn't have thought twice about his little tryst. I wouldn't have been the least invested. Shouldn't have been anyway, but I'm not built like that, so I need to just chill out. Too bad tho, I had so many hedonistic plans for this guy. Damn. Couldn't he have waited a week? I know, I know, I know, but still. What a waste.

Anonymous said...

Hey Mel,

It's me, the one who's friend got hit in the head with a bottle at the club, lol.

Well, girl, I'm just gonna say that you are a grown woman with options. You got all caught up, ain't had none in a (long) while, and brotha man was wine'in and dine'in you all crazy, kissin' like an 8th grader behind the bungalows....damn. Who's able to hold the goodies under them kinda circumstances?? Lol! Yeah, this is what he does, you can't take nothing back, so move on girl. Hell, we done all did the do with somebody we probably shoulda passed on. I have learned that regret will kill you, so I try not to have any. Mistakes are meant to be made (and learned from - don't forget that part). But absolutely no regret. Reclaim your celibacy...or don't. It's all whatever you decide. That's what makes us women: we got choices.

achoiceofweapons said...

Hey Mel,
You shared essence with dude, that's why you feelin it like this but you know that. Well, there is no commitment but that doesn't mean there can't be. You are Melyssa remember? Just talk real to him when you see him, on 2nd meeting you might find that he's not all that and be able to let it go. You said yourself it was a nice night.