Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Head Count: How many’s too many?

I hate this question but in most burgeoning relationships, it’s something like an inevitability. It always comes at the median in your time together, when things are on the verge of either becoming serious or falling off.

In my experience, it’s always after a particularly heated session. Sheets crumpled and bodies exhausted, he rolls over, meets your eyes and hits you with it.

“So, how many guys have you been with?”

Argh are you serious? Who really wants to know that? Really? I’m not convinced any man wants a truthful answer, (learned that the hard way. Once) So I’ve taken to making things up.

I mean, there’s so much pressure packed into that little question and no mater how nonchalantly the subject is broached, it’s absolutely a fork in the road. It matters. This is where you’re either approved as next level material, or condemned to a forever lesser status in his eyes.

So for a woman in her mid-20s, what’s a reasonable head count? How many’s too many?

Good question. I have no idea, but I’m open to suggestions. Seven’s been my lucky number for several years now. It’s been my experience that men don’t believe 5, and whince at 10 and 11. So I’ve settled on 7. Of course, I was using that number as my head count in college, and here I am knocking on 30, so perhaps I should up the tally.

Guys, what say you? First of all, you should never, ever, ever ask a woman that question in the first place. But should you be brave enough, what’s an acceptable response? Really.

Just wanna make sure I get it right. LOL Thx!

-- Mel


a single male's point of view said...

For me it really doesn't matter. I used to ask females that, but over the years I've learned to never ask questions if you can't handle the answers.

A guy shouldn't have to ask this question, a man should be able to tell by how well she preforms and bed and how well she sucks a dick. My rule of thumb is if a chick fucks like a porn star, then she has had alot of practice. She had to learn them skills from somewhere (perfect example, read Mel's Monday's advice blog). Besides what nigga you know wants a chick that doesn't know what she doing?

Anonymous said...


My husband and I sat and tried to figure out how many women he had been with (he couldn't really remember past 48) and how many men I had perform oral sex on me (really, a good 25 or so). It sorta became a game, throughout the day we'd remember somebody else and would be like, "Oh yeah, I forgot about Damon!" And neither of us really cared. I've only had intercourse with 6 people, but I know the 20 orals probably count too (even though in my mind I don't add them in, lol). But I'm from the school of if it was before me, then whatever. Those 48 women helped him get to be so great in bed today. Life is all about experience, and hell I believe you should experience it to the fullest.

Obsessed with the "D" said...

Lol I agree with what a single male said. that is the reason why i do what I do is so that when I do find "THE ONE" I will be able to please the shyt out of him lol. But yeah I have settled on the number 6. I'm 20 so six isnt so bad. No one has never not believed me lol. But boy if they really knew...

a single male's point of view said...

After the first view times I've had sex I stopped counting. I don't count all the females I had sex with, because there're a few I would like to forget. Like that desperate phase in my life where I fucked alot of fat chicks. uggghhhhhhhhhh

JazzNicole said...

I have to agree with what has already been posted. Whatever happened before me is before me so leave it at that and vice versa. One may never get an accurate number anyway. Some performances have been so bad you will yourself to forget or it maybe that you did the thang with somebody you knew good and damn well youhad no business doing. That falls into the section with the "NO-NO's" and I am sure everybody has a "NO-NO" person or two and they don't count dammit! LOL!

Melyssa Ganache said...

I have a few no-nos, Jazz. And tho it shouldn't really matter to either party who did what with whom before the two of yall got together, it's a LOT easier for women to apply the rule than men. They got this whole madonna/whore complex goin on. Love the fact that you do what you do so well, but hate that fact that you had to do it a few times, a few places, with a few people before you got to them.

Anonymous, that's so sweet you and your hubby can take a trip down separate memory lanes and nobody catches feelings. I think marriage is a lil different tho. You've got a different sense of security.

Yeah, Obsessed, six is cool. They coulda all really been bonafide boyfriends. :)

Single Male, you're such a grown up. Maybe I need to fuck with a better class. Upgrade or some shit. :)

Get Togetha said...

As a woman you should keep that your personal secret; cause outside of being a virgin; most men don't want to know that you've been with over two men in your lives. They want as innocent of an image of you as they can get.

Every man wants to think that he's the only one you'll ever want and that he's your best. said...

Hey there!

Why does a guy want to know how many?? That is just an outlandish question for any man to ask.

In college..I will never forget girl said a dude asked her that question...and she said, "you mean after my uncle and my cousin?? just you."

You KNOW that was some mess!

She said the dude was STRAIGHT trippin' after that...and I told her she needed to tell him that she was just messin' with him for asking such a silly question! She is soooo crazy.

{shaking my head}

Lisa said...

@ Obsessed

um....only 20?

Maybe you should say 2...

Melyssa Ganache said...

Lisa, your girl is crazy. I might use that one.

Get Togetha, men are such egomaniacs. But 2 is a bit of a stretch. (Tho perhaps a bit rusty, your girl's got skillz, LOL). Maybe I'll downsize to 5 or 6, see how that goes.

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