Monday, August 4, 2008

It’s the Vids or Me: Is porn cheating?


Dear Melyssa,

I can’t take it anymore. Several nights out of the week around 3 a.m. I am awakened to oohs, ahhs and ass-slapping coming through the walls from the computer room. My man has this thing with porn, he watches it entirely too much as far as I’m concerned and our sex life is suffering.





I kinda feel stupid for being jealous of chicks on a screen, but I am. He spends hours on porn and gets back into bed tired and uninterested. WTF? We’ve been together for two years, living together for half that time and I’m about ready to call it quits. It’s not like we haven’t tried things. We’ve made our own videos, but he prefers to watch the pros. I’ve dressed up for him,a ll types a shit … even tried a little back door action which I had NO interest in. I did it for him. I indulge his needs and his fantasies. But I have to draw the line at this.

It’s not even like it’s an “us” thing. He likes to watch them alone. He says I’m overreacting and that every man loves porn. But I got one foot out the door. I love this man, Mel, but do you think I have a big enough reason to leave?

-- Tired of Competing

Dear Tired,

Every man does like porn. I like porn too, actually. (My fav sites are dreammovies(dot)com and magicmovies(dot)com. Great daily evolving selection of flicks and all free. Plus, you can stream full length vids, not that clip bullshit.) Tangent, sorry. But it’s an occasional variation for me. (How dyou think I was able to remain celibate for over 2 years?) Not a necessary five-times-a-week requirement. If I had a regular boyfriend, I’d probably indulge even less.

Perhaps your guy does have a problem, I dunno. but regardless as to whether it’s an unhealthy obsession or a harmless hobby, it bothers you and he doesn’t seem to be concerned with your feelings. I think that’s a bigger deal than analyzing his activity. If you can’t deal with it and it’s a big enough deal that you’re seriously considering leaving, and he refuses to do anything about it, I don’t think he loves you enough.

Sounds like a huge leap, jumping to such a definitive conclusion of his affection for you based on one lil habit. But that’s what love does, right? If you don’t like it, it makes you uncomfortable and I don’t need it anyway, then I won’t do it. Or at the very least I won’t do it in your presence. You can’t even get that respect. He’s got the speakers and shit all up in the next room.

Perhaps an argument over videos isn’t a big enough reason to leave a relationship, but your partner’s refusal to validate and address your feelings while making tangible and conscious strides to fix what you might feel like is a deal-breaker in your relationship, is. Personal opinion.

Two years really isn’t that long, anyway. Chunk the deuce.

-- Mel

Got a query? Want a second opinion? Holla.


3 comments:

a single man's point of view said...

I thought everyone watches porn!! Today's blog is a total shock for me. WOW

You say your man prefers to watch porn alone and you tried all types of things? Well, I say it's your fault. As his woman you should know his schedule by now. You should know when he likes to beat his dick. So you should be beating him to the punch before he gets his nut off. Okay that was in bad taste. Honestly, I think he's obsessed with them porno bitches. You know them big booty hoes he's see doing all that freaky shit on film. I'm assuming that you don't have the total package as far as look go (big ass, big titts, nice shape and pretty face) So no matter how good you fuck him, he will always have fantasies about them smut bitches.

If your not ready to leave, then I say get even with him. Go out and purchase a 16 inch dildo and see how he likes it when you whip it out and start playing with yourself. Or how about you start watching some videos featuring them big dick niggas.

Mel, I have to check them sites out when I get home. My personal favorites sites is Pornhub, Spankwire and Myfreepaysite. Holla!

Melyssa Ganache said...

I'm so mad you said it's her fault, Single Male. LOL.

"I'm assuming that you don't have the total package as far as look go (big ass, big titts, nice shape and pretty face)"

Awful.

Love the 16 inch dildo idea, though. Tired, don't even let him catch you using it, let him find that shit in the closet and have to confront you about it. Terribly emasculating and just ugly. LOL. Perfecto.

And I wasn't saying your man should stop watchin porn. Nothin wrong with a lil recreation. But he should def cut back in light of your feelings about the matter, be more discreet about his habit when he does indulge and step his game up in the bedroom. His unwillingness to budge tho, is a problem.

Single, you're the third person in a few days whose mentioned MyFreePaysite to me. Gotta check that out next time I feel so inclined.

a single male said...

Okay Mel, my comments were just awful.

Honestly I don't know what to advise. All I can do is speak from experience. I was with this one chick and she didn't like me watching porn, even though she had toys and watched porn in her spare time. She was the type to over exaggerate things. She stated that I shouldn't have any reason to watch porn, because she was fucking me all the time. Fact is, she wasn't (but that's was just part of the reason I watched porn. The other part is I just like watching how other people fuck!!)

So when I re-read yesterday's blog, I thought to myself maybe homegirl is making a mountain out of a mole hill. Now for the record I don't know "Tired of Competing" from adam, so I'm just making assumptions. She might have done all that freaky shit for her man, but I ask how often? Out of experience I've watched less more when I getting some on a the regular. On the regular means before work, after work, and puttin me to sleep.

In situations like these, you have to look at the bright side of things. I mean he could be out in the streets at 3am with someone else, instead of being in the computer room with "Hannah". lol

Mel, Myfreepaysite show's you the WHOLE movie. Not some 20 minute 30scene. And they have a big ass library, of all types of shit too!!!