Ask Melyssa: Wedding proposal or chastity insurance?

Dear Melyssa,

My boyfriend of three years just proposed to me. I’ve been waiting on him to pop the question for at least a year and I should be the happiest girl in the world right now. But I’m concerned that the only reason he even asked is to keep me faithful while he’s away.

We’ve gone back and forth about his failing to propose in recent months and he always said the same thing, he’s just not ready. Then, he got word form his ship (he’s a sailor) that he’d have to deploy for six months, and voila! He pops up with a ring. I wanna accept whole heartedly ( I already told him yes) but I have my reservations. Does the timing even matter? Am I just being silly. I mean, this man loves me and I love him.

-- Unsure

Dear Unsure,

Wedding proposal or chastity insurance? I’m gonna say there’s a bit of both in your new fiance’s proposition. I’m sure he loves you deeply and sees you as the woman he wants to eventually marry, I just don’t know if he really wants to marry you right now. He’s practically said as much, right? But all of the sudden, right before he gets sent of for six months, he wants to wrap up his deal with you. Mhm. At some point, he may have gotten down on one knee, but he would absolutely not be doing it now if it weren’t for Uncle Sam’s summons. I’ve never been married (though I have turned down one proposal), but I’m gonna have to advice you to temporarily pass.

If he wants to marry you now, and his wishes are sincere, then he’ll wanna marry you in six months when he’s back on state’s side. Why should he have the security that for his entire deployment you’re gonna be waiting for him faithfully, pining away after him, throwing yourself into ribbon-adorned invitations, flowers and pictures of towering wedding cakes. Ha!

I say, let him squirm a little. Tell him, your engagement is something that really special and you want to be able to share it with him and you’d like to hold off on that engagement until he’s home and able to be a part of the planning and the excitement. And by the way, you do deserve that. Tell him you’re thrilled that he wants to spend his life with you, but this six months away from each other will also be a test of your relationship. Let’s get through that before we start making wedding announcements, k?

Best of luck, whatever you decide. Lemme know how it turns out!

XOXOX,

Mel

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The Vacaytionship: A destination relationship

A vacaytionship is a vacation-like relationship. It feels like jetting off to an island somewhere. A drama-free, stress-free, easy, breezy, cocktails-at-noon type of arrangement.



It always feels like the first time because you meet up away from home and with long periods of time in between. It may have been a few months, it may have been a year since your last encounter, but it’s coming up on the calendar again.

It’s a temporary, out-of-town departure, perhaps from your real relationship at home, similar to the way a trip to Hawaii is a vacay from the office. Kinda like that.

After, you’re only left with a few pics (if you’re brave enough to memorialize your tryst with such hard evidence), great memories and a lingering longing for the next get away. That’s what keeps it new. You always want more because the trips are just short enough that you’re not ready to leave, and the time in between is just long enough to keep you wanting for the next one. The peculiar combo of the old and new makes for amazing sex, too, because it’s always like the first time. Kind of. There’s the convenient familiarity still remaining from the last time -- So you already know exactly what each other likes, what to do where, how long to do what … all that -- Only without the boredom that can tend to accompany familiarity. Because you’ve only been together once in the past six months. Hot.

I just entered into a new vacationship. Perfect for me, because honestly, I really don’t have room in my life right now for a real live every day-responsible, grown-up and accountable relationship. And the once-every-three-months thing that I’ve got goin with this guy is so much more thrilling than having somebody at home waiting on me every night, anyway. (Tho I do remember what that feels like and it was once nice). Still, I’ve got my work and my baby and some projects I’m trying to launch. It’s all kinda demanding, so I’m straight on that right now. But being a hopeless romantic, I admit, I’m in love with being in love. This lil off-again, on-again, is just what the doc ordered.

Ever had a vacaytionship? Share with the group.

-- Mel

Cam'ron feat Amerie - Weekend Girl

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Blame it on the Rain: Right back in, again

Y’know what? I’m gonna stop professing to be abstinent. Because really, what is an abstinent person who continues to have sex? Not abstinent, that’s what. So I’m giving up that title. It was a great experience, I had a long run, (a good 2 ½ years) I’m proud of myself and all that, but fuck it. Literally.

Don’t be disappointed just yet, there’s more …

So I just came back from my second vacay, sponsored by the guy I was so mad at not a month ago. Yeah, well, there will be a third. He’s footing the bill for that one, too. I didn't even confront him about the white girl. How could I, really? I mean, it's not like he violated any rules of our "relationship." We did discuss when we'd see each other again tho, and when we'd see each other after that, and how often I could come back ... I know, I know, I know, I said I was gonna let it go. I said I was mad and hurt and needed to get over it and would reclaim my celibacy and all that … I know. But I’m a hopeless romantic, what can I say.

And it was so romantic. We went out for drinks at this sexy little, dimly lit live jazz bar and had some cozy convo on the sofa before heading to this swanky sushi hotspot and sharing some yellow tail and more than a few shots. Then we retired back to my girl’s house where I was staying, for a night cap. We sat on the porch listening to music from his cell phone and chatting about everything. It began to sprinkle and we twinkled our toes hanging off the edge of the steps, in the water from the sky. I told him how much I loved the rain.

“It’s the best sleep,” I said. He agreed.

I told him I wanted to sleep in the flatbed of his pick-up truck. (I have no idea why he drives a pick up truck. He really doesn’t seem the type). It was a light rain and would let up momentarily. He said he hadn’t done that in forever.

“Does your girl have any blankets?”

“Nah, I don’t wanna make laundry for her like that,” I said.

“Well let’s go buy some blankets then,” he said. I thought I’d challenge him with my spontaneity but he came right back. Love that.

“You serious?” I asked.

“Yeah.”

We jumped up, and he started his truck while I ran upstairs and packed a little overnight bag.

We picked up flashlights, sleeping bags, sleeping bag liners, bottled water a sweat shirt for me (so sweet for him to think of that) and wet wipes at Walmart. As soon as we wheeled the cart into the parking lot it began to pour. Hard, like a tsunami. We raced to the truck and piled the stuff in before taking refuge in the front cabin.

We rode around for a while waiting for it to let up, listening to Jay-Z’s Reasonable Doubt and reminiscing about where we were in our lives when we first heard our favorite rapper. After about a half, we gave up on waiting out the weather and checked into a hotel. (Is this boring to everyone but me? Sorry, I wanna share). We lied on the bed and flipped channels for a while spooning, before he asked, “you hungry?”

I can always eat, so we ran across the street to IHOP in the pour down.

“Beat ya!” I took off smacking the puddles in my flip-flops.

It’s about 4 in the morning now.

And when we got back to the hotel an hour later, the sex was fire. Fire, you hear me? The foreplay alone went on for an hour … The sun came up over our fourth floor room with the drapes agape, and we came as well. : )

I flew out a few days later, but not before he booked me another flight a couple months out.

Damn. And I’m right back in. His number’s also back in my cell phone. Personalized ringer and all that. LOL. When will I learn?

Rain is so sexy.

-- Mel

It’s difficult for me to enter anything with no expectations. Even frivolous sex. But I’m trying to keep a cool head about this. It’s been fun, sexy, exhilarating, and if we keep this up every couple of months it could make for a nice little, mutually beneficial vacation-type relationship. Ever had a vacaytionship? Ahh refreshing. That’s another blog.

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Settling Down with a Skripper: Could you do it?

She spends her early evening grinding her scantily clad ass over the erect-beneath-sweat-pants wearing happy hour crowd. She whispers in the ears of the lonely, lovelorn and cash-carrying about all the nasty things she’d like to do to whatever gentlemen she’s escorted to the back room. She sexily contorts her body in stilettos for a living and brings her paychecks home in ones and fives. Yet, at night, she climbs in your bed and spoons with you.

He’s oiled up, muscles bulging, leaping off the stage into a crowd of horny, screaming middle aged women. Sock-laden penis swinging as the baby boomers wave dollars in the air and raise their phones to snap cell flicks of your man simulating oral sex on someone’s mother, sprawled out, legs spread on the floor. He flips her over, to an uproarious reaction from the sex-starved crowd, slams his sock against her ass a few times, licking his lips before his set is over. Then, he wipes down, gets dressed, and lets himself into your apartment with a key.

How the fuck does that work?

I mean, I’m a pretty open minded person, but I don’t understand how simulated sex to music, outside an otherwise monogamous relationship is ok. I don't care if you are gettin paid and bringin home the cash. Maybe I’m just being judgmental.

I recently met a man who pays his mortgage pretending to fulfill the fantasies of women. He’s an exotic dancer named Chocolate. (aren't they all). But this dude is every bit as delectable as his name sounds. I imagine, I mean. Haven’t been there yet, but we’ll see.

I’m a little put off by his work, quite frankly. Though everything else about him is starkly domesticated. He cooks, does laundry and even has full custody of his 12-year-old son. I know, right! He’s grounded, well read and professes to be monogamous-minded. I spent some time with him and must admit, I went home impressed.

But I cannot reconcile the reality he’s shown me, with my own wild imagination. In my mind I see him constantly being approached by horny college co-eds, out for a drunken night of debauchery; propositioned by old sugar mamas looking to put some cash in his pocket after hours … I see him actually becoming aroused by his own titillating performance and being tempted to head out to the parking lot and make it real. I've definitely been to a few of these lil hedonistic shindigs and definitely tried to entice one of the professionals into following me home and he was definitely wit it. I know how this goes down. :)

I dunno, I’d like to give dude a chance, but I don’t think I can even go. Maybe he’s not real relationship material, but perhaps I can keep him around anyway. If that nigga can move like that on the stage …. Lawd. : )

What do you guys think? Could you wife up or settle down with an exotic dancer?

Hit up the survey to the right please and thank ya.

-- Mel

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Ask Melyssa: Stuck between my ex-man and the next man

Dear Melyssa,

My man and I have lived together for two years, but about six months ago, we broke up. Our lease isn’t up yet though, and neither one of us wants to break it. Plus, we can’t afford to move out and live alone right now, so instead we’re just sleeping in separate bedrooms waiting another six months for the lease to run out and saving up money to go our own ways.

We’ve been pretty good about being civil, I still cook every night, we still talk in the evenings and we have had sex since the break up, though not in the past couple of months. He dates other women, and doesn’t come home sometimes, but he hasn’t brought anyone around the apartment. Well, I want to …

I have no problem with what he does with anybody else, but recently I met someone. I’m really feeling this dude and he’s really feeling me. But he’s having a hard time dealing with the fact that I live with my ex-man. He’s never been to my place and thinks that I’m keeping him away because I’m still with my man. I’m not. But the new guy says he won’t believe me until he can come over like a regular relationship. Hang out, eat dinner, stay the night … like a real boyfriend.

My thing is this, my ex-man has been really respectful and discreet about what he does and I feel like I kinda owe him the same respect. But does it even really matter since we’re not even together anymore? I’m gonna fuck around and lose my new guy if I don’t make a decision. What should I do?

-- Between a Rock and a Hard Place

PS. I'm not ready to move in with the new guy and FYI, he hasn't offered anyway.

Dear Between a Rock and a Hard Place,

I’m afraid you’re not gonna wanna hear this, but unfortunately, you’re really not in a position to move on right now. Though you may have emotionally moved past your relationship with your live-in – tho being that the two of you just got it in two months ago, I’m not even sure about that – You’re not in a position where you can reasonably physically move on and that’s a big part of a relationship … physical presence. Your new guy’s absolutely right. He deserves to be with someone who can be with him … who can cook for him, invite him over for late-night movies and with whom it’s okay to sleep over. You don’t have that kind of situation right now.

The fact that you and your ex-man aren’t technically together right now is really a non-issue. Bringin another dude all up and through the home that you share with him is so not a good idea. It will absolutely create a hostile environment for you for the next six months, until you can comfortably get your own space. And though you may be able to logically win the argument when your man confronts you about your sleepovers, it really doesn’t matter who’s right, if it makes you both miserable. There’s a reason your roommate hasn’t brought his new chicks around you. He doesn’t wanna set that precedence, probably because he knows he couldn’t take it if the shoe were on the other foot. Honestly, what man could?

You’ve got something good here. Half the rent’s paid, your relationship is amicable and you’re both saving up money in a peaceful environment in an effort to part ways, happily. Please don’t rock the boat. If your new man doesn’t understand that, well, I certainly understand him. But sit him down and explain it to him. Who knows, maybe he’ll come around. I mean, it’s only six more months. If he really sees a future with you, he may just stick it out.

Good luck!

-- Mel

Got a query? Want a second opinion? Holla.

If you're enjoying the space here, please nominate me for a Black Weblog Award. Just click the pic below and follow the prompts. I'm going for the category of "Blog to Watch" or "Best New Blog." Preciate ya. :)

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The Illusion of Fidelity: Is it just as good as the real thing?

Every woman wants a faithful man. A man who takes care of home, remembers favorite colors, important dates and little hints like, "I love that dress," made on a whim. We want him to be there when he says he's gonna be and call if something comes up; to make the bedroom rock at least a few nights out of each work week and only, only, ever, ever, ever give it to us. We can agree on that right?

But how bad is say, 8 out of 10, really? I mean, what if he's everything you want him to be and does everything you imagined your knight would do, with the exception of exclusivity? Is the illusion of fidelity enough?



I'd gotten to the point some time ago -- I mean scraping the bottom of the man barrel, y'all -- when I thought that perhaps it was. Long as the rent gets paid on time, he doesn't slack off at home and he always crawls in bed next to me before the sun comes up, I thought I might be cool with that. I mean, his phone isn't ringin all crazy after hours, random bitches aren't knockin on the door proclaiming they're fucking my man and unreasonable amounts of money aren't unaccounted for ... Maybe that could work. Admittedly, I'm not completely past this thinking.

Call me jaded, but I feel like the alternative, "you must never place your penis anywhere else for the next 80 years until you die," is scary to most men at best (hell, its scary to me) and unreasonable, borderline impossible, at worst.


You tell me, does it really matter if he occasionally gets it in? (Protected, of course, and I'm not talkin about a full blown emotional love affair).

What do y'all think? Is the illusion of fidelity as good as the real thing? Perhaps it's just good enough. It should be noted tho, that a guy who is sleepin around has to put in some real hard work to keep our women's intuition quiet and our investigative skills at bay. I dunno maybe that's worth somethin. Just sayin.

Hit up the survey to the right, please and thank ya.

-- Mel

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It’s the Vids or Me: Is porn cheating?

Dear Melyssa,

I can’t take it anymore. Several nights out of the week around 3 a.m. I am awakened to oohs, ahhs and ass-slapping coming through the walls from the computer room. My man has this thing with porn, he watches it entirely too much as far as I’m concerned and our sex life is suffering.

I kinda feel stupid for being jealous of chicks on a screen, but I am. He spends hours on porn and gets back into bed tired and uninterested. WTF? We’ve been together for two years, living together for half that time and I’m about ready to call it quits. It’s not like we haven’t tried things. We’ve made our own videos, but he prefers to watch the pros. I’ve dressed up for him,a ll types a shit … even tried a little back door action which I had NO interest in. I did it for him. I indulge his needs and his fantasies. But I have to draw the line at this.

It’s not even like it’s an “us” thing. He likes to watch them alone. He says I’m overreacting and that every man loves porn. But I got one foot out the door. I love this man, Mel, but do you think I have a big enough reason to leave?

-- Tired of Competing

Dear Tired,

Every man does like porn. I like porn too, actually. (My fav sites are dreammovies(dot)com and magicmovies(dot)com. Great daily evolving selection of flicks and all free. Plus, you can stream full length vids, not that clip bullshit.) Tangent, sorry. But it’s an occasional variation for me. (How dyou think I was able to remain celibate for over 2 years?) Not a necessary five-times-a-week requirement. If I had a regular boyfriend, I’d probably indulge even less.

Perhaps your guy does have a problem, I dunno. but regardless as to whether it’s an unhealthy obsession or a harmless hobby, it bothers you and he doesn’t seem to be concerned with your feelings. I think that’s a bigger deal than analyzing his activity. If you can’t deal with it and it’s a big enough deal that you’re seriously considering leaving, and he refuses to do anything about it, I don’t think he loves you enough.

Sounds like a huge leap, jumping to such a definitive conclusion of his affection for you based on one lil habit. But that’s what love does, right? If you don’t like it, it makes you uncomfortable and I don’t need it anyway, then I won’t do it. Or at the very least I won’t do it in your presence. You can’t even get that respect. He’s got the speakers and shit all up in the next room.

Perhaps an argument over videos isn’t a big enough reason to leave a relationship, but your partner’s refusal to validate and address your feelings while making tangible and conscious strides to fix what you might feel like is a deal-breaker in your relationship, is. Personal opinion.

Two years really isn’t that long, anyway. Chunk the deuce.

-- Mel

Got a query? Want a second opinion? Holla.

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Head Count: How many’s too many?

I hate this question but in most burgeoning relationships, it’s something like an inevitability. It always comes at the median in your time together, when things are on the verge of either becoming serious or falling off.

In my experience, it’s always after a particularly heated session. Sheets crumpled and bodies exhausted, he rolls over, meets your eyes and hits you with it.

“So, how many guys have you been with?”

Argh are you serious? Who really wants to know that? Really? I’m not convinced any man wants a truthful answer, (learned that the hard way. Once) So I’ve taken to making things up.

I mean, there’s so much pressure packed into that little question and no mater how nonchalantly the subject is broached, it’s absolutely a fork in the road. It matters. This is where you’re either approved as next level material, or condemned to a forever lesser status in his eyes.

So for a woman in her mid-20s, what’s a reasonable head count? How many’s too many?

Good question. I have no idea, but I’m open to suggestions. Seven’s been my lucky number for several years now. It’s been my experience that men don’t believe 5, and whince at 10 and 11. So I’ve settled on 7. Of course, I was using that number as my head count in college, and here I am knocking on 30, so perhaps I should up the tally.

Guys, what say you? First of all, you should never, ever, ever ask a woman that question in the first place. But should you be brave enough, what’s an acceptable response? Really.

Just wanna make sure I get it right. LOL Thx!

-- Mel

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VIP Dick: Guys who skip the velvet rope

So I told ya’ll about the married guy that I’ve been having a text/phone affair with that I’ve been going back and forth about hooking up with. The “back” is because my moral compass continues to nudge me to the right as I steadily insist on drifting to the left; the “forth” is because dude has the stamina of a work horse and knows me oh so well.

He’s an old flame. He’s a family man now, but when we reconnected on Myspace several months back, it was like 5 to 7 years ago all over again. Like no time had past. I fell right back in. (Thx Cutie and others for the words of warning. I KNOW I need to heed them. Lord, give me strength).

Anyway, I guess one of the reasons I’m having such a hard time definitively telling this guy no, is because I never really have before. Ever. Hooked from day one, ya heard. : )

Not only have I never told him no, I have expressly, in the throws of passion, sworn to him that I would always tell him yes. You know, “This is your pussy … I never want you to stop fucking me … ” and all manner of other things. I kinda meant that shit, too.

He’s one of my VIPs.

You know, the dudes who get in through the VIP entrance; who do not have to wait in line; who do not have to meet the same standards you might apply to other partners; who don’t have to call two days ahead of time; for whom you’ll drop just about anything that can be dropped when he’s in town; and you lay that shit out for him when he gets there … that guy. They just get to slip right through the velvet rope, no ID check, no pat down, no hassle by security, none a that shit. Aaaallll love.

I know we women know what it is, but I think the idea of VIP dick is a little known phenomenon among the male population. Even the guys that are walkin around holdin their celebrity members don’t always know what they’ve got. A male friend of mine was completely confused when I told him about it.

“So what is it like a secret society or something?” he asked.

“No, not exactly. I mean, my VIP might not even make another chick’s list. It’s just the guy who does it for me, for whatever reason. Digital, for instance.”

He knows the whole sordid story behind that fiasco, so he immediately understood the example.

“Ok so it’s just a dude who got you hooked from the gate and you just can’t let it go,” he paraphrased.

“Yeah, something like that.”

I’ve actually got a couple on my list. Two. And of course everybody else falls into a pyramid-like hierarchy; you don’t like everybody the same. Some you like better than others, some you like better for some things than others, or at some times … But those select VIP dudes … man! Whenever, however, whatever. It’s like that.

Ladies, who knows what I’m talking about? Guys do you have a comparable category for women? I wonder.

-- Mel

Jay said it so well ...

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Once Bi: Can my man really give up men?

Dear Melyssa,

I met this guy about 6 months ago and we’ve been together ever since. He’s perfect, Mel. Fine as hell, good ass job, no kids, never been married, educated, funny, loving, sex off the chain … Dayum! I mean, PERFECT. Until he told me he’s been with a dude before. WTF?

He sat me down and told me he sees no difference between having a relationship with a woman or a man. When he’s looking for a partner, he’s looking for certain characteristics, not necessarily a gender. He told me he’s only had one relationship with a man though and has been with all women before and since. But he says he doesn’t regret it and doesn’t see a problem with it and he could be in a relationship with a man again.

Same time, he says he loves me, wants to be with me, feels completely fulfilled with me and he will not step outside our relationship. The thing about him being with another man in the future is only if at some point we don’t work out.

Mel I’m bout to be 30, grown as hell and not about games. I wanna get married, I wanna have kids and I wanna live a good life and not have to want for anything. This man wants all of those things too and can give them to me. We agree on everything else, but I can’t get this gay shit outta my head. It makes me sick to my stomach every time I think about it. How the fuck am I supposed to get over this? Can I really believe that when we go out he’s not gonna be checkin for dudes? I just don’t know what to do! I want it sooo bad. But damn. A dude?

-- Not So Fine Bi Me

Dear Not So Fine Bi Me,

Love the name. (You so crazy). Damn. Bi? Shit. That’s fuuuuuucked up. LOL. Really though, I gotta give your man props for even comin clean at all about this. I respect his point of view but personally find the shit nasty and unattractive. You sound like you’re settling to me. Why? Don’t you deserve better? I don’t even think the issue is whether or not he’ll actually be monogamous, or whether he’ll be heterosexually monogamous but cheat on you with dudes, or whether you’ll catch him stealing glances at guys on the street, or staying on the boxing channel a couple seconds too long while he’s flippin thru … or any of that. The issue is that whether it’s warranted or not, you will never stop worrying about that shit. Sounds like a set up for misery to me. Don’t do it. And stop making it so hard for you to make the decision you know you need ot make by saying he’s perfect in every other way. That nigga’s not perfect, he likes dick! So fuckin what he makes good money and makes you laugh! So what he’s never been married and doesn’t have kids. Wonder why? LOL.

For real tho, you deserve better so you have to require better.

About the homo shit tho, at some point, it’s gonna come out. He says he can only be with you, but if he likes dick, he likes dick. At some point it will become a struggle for him. Even if he’s strong enough to resist, do you want to lie next to a man havin that kind of inner turmoil? Fantasizin about the delivery dude at work and shit while he’s on top of you? Even if he’s not hittin dude off. Don’t even do it to yourself and please don’t delay in ending this relationship. It will only become more difficult to do what you need to do, which s to leave it alone.

-- Mel

Got a query? Holla.

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Bought & Paid For: Earning sex on the side

Dear Melyssa,

A good friend of mine is engaged to a constant cheater. I want to stop her from making the biggest mistake of her life but I don’t know how to do it without alienating her and ruining our friendship, or making her think I’m jealous (I’m not married myself).

She thinks she’s found the perfect man, and on paper, he does look pretty good. He has a great job, handles all the bills, sends her on vacays with the girls and shopping trips and just takes good financial care of her. But he’s been caught at least five times in the past year with other women. Each time, my friend is destroyed. She’s crying, she’s talking about leaving him … and each time he apologizes, makes some excessive gesture and she’s right back in again. I don’t get it.

I do not wanna see my girl hurt. I love this girl like a sister and I know for a fact she’s going to be miserable of she goes through with the wedding. Just dating him has sent her through so much shit, I don’t even know why the hell she’d wanna make it legal anyway.

So what should I tell her? Should I just stay out of it?

-- Good Friend

Dear Good Friend,

If it were the first time he’d been caught cheating, even the second, I might tell you to take your friend to the side and have a serious talk with her. But if we’re looking at the fifth offense in as little as 365 days … cmon, what can you really tell her that she doesn’t know? She knows he’s unfaithful and probably never will be. She also knows that he pays the mortgage on time, the car note is never late and she stays fly and flashy and with some cash in her pocket. Have you not considered that there’s a trade-off going on here?

A few years ago, I had this conversation with a wealthy gentleman I know. He’s young, black, single, no kids and sells beats for a living. He’s done major work for Jay-Z. Anyway, he basically told me his relationship with wifey is like this: He’s back and forth to New York and L.A. (he has an apartment there) and when he’s there he does him. She stays at the big house in Atlanta, she drives the cars, she has hired help around the house and she has a credit card in addition to a monthly cash stipend. (And these two aren’t even married!) He takes care of her well. In return, and these are not my words, but his …

“In return, all I want is to come home and not get a headache.”

Sounds simple enough. The more detailed ground rules include him not having unprotected sex, not bringing chicks to the house in ATL, and not making major purchases (over $10,000) for these side chicks. But what’s so deep about his sit is that his girl understands that there will be side chicks. Aint that some shyt?

Really, it’s an agreement, spoken or unspoken, any woman who marries a super wealthy guy enters into. I’d be willing to wager there’s not one NBA wife who doesn’t know how to look the other way. How can she not? And if she doesn’t she’d better learn quickly. Men with money who spend a third of the year on the road fuck around. Bottom line.

My only question is whether your girl is really getting her due? I know a nigga needs to be pullin in millions if that shyt’s gonna be okay with me. Good money – 100, 200 thou, good money, is not enough to buy you a f*ck-when-you-get-ready card. That’s how you get divorced and lose half, real quick, f*ckin with me. Personal opinion. But obviously, whatever your girl is getting out of the deal is good enough.

Stay out of it.

Cheers!

-- Mel

When we first met, the beat maker dude tried to holla, too. I wasn’t really interested. Me and my "I have to be attracted to a man to be with him," standards. Shiiiiit. Ask me who’s kicking her self right about now.

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Measuring His Love: How much is too much?

So in my seemingly never-ending quest for my next victim, no man in my life, no first husband, I decided to ink out exactly what I’m looking for. I’m in the process of putting a list of man requirements on paper in the form of an official Qualifying Process. (Yes, it’s really about to be that serious). So if you got any ideas about what a man must do to get your time, holla.

Anyway, one of the items on my list is faithful adoration. I don’t know who’s with me, but I require attention and maintenance. A lot of it. I need to be adored, ya heard?

That being said, there is a limit. There’s a line when admiration becomes worship and sensitivity becomes bitchassness ...

Neither of which am I interested in, by the way.

So how to tell then, if your man is a healthy knows-how-to-keep-his-woman type, or if he’s teetering on the edge? You know, when you go from basking in his waiting on your every whim to becoming sick from the constant doting … the calling … ugh, the texting.

When the more immature of us (perhaps I’m just speaking for myself here) begin making absolutely ridiculous demands, whether they be of time, money or whatever, just tryin to hear dude say “no” (because he says yes to every damn thing).

Personally, I don’t want a man who is gonna change up his whole style for me. Don’t go to church all the sudden because I do, and don’t pretend to be OK with abstinence because I’ve closed down shop for the time being – which I have by the way, tho I haven’t come across anyone yet who’s even pretended to be OK with that. LOL. But like I was sayin, it’s so not sexy to change your swag for a chick. Do you, I’ll do me and if it works, that’s great. But if it doesn’t, forcing a square peg into a round hole is not cool.

I had one like that. He was 6’3 easy, muscle bound, dark chocolate and hung like a horse. The sex? Crazy. But everything else was just too much. I called him Cuddle Monster because he was always huggin on me, pullin on me, holding my hand, kissin me in public, askin me if I loved him after I just told him yes five minutes ago … I really couldn’t take it. Had to let him go. That was several years ago.

Recently, he emailed me some beautiful pics of his beach-side wedding and I felt a pang as the jpegs appeared on my screen. Had I let a good one get away? Probably. But even too much of a good thing, isn’t so good. How y’all feel?

-- Mel

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He won’t make her his chick but he wants to make a flick. Foul?

Dear Melyssa,

My friend has been talking to this guy for about two months (they are not official), and one day he texted her and asked her to make a video. She laughed and told him no, but in my mind, I was like she should have told him off. In my mind, it’s disrespectful. If a guy that I was with asked me to do that, I would think that he would show it to someone on that "oh look what i got" tip...and if he gets angry with me or whatever he could put it online and have my business out there. If my guy really respected me, he would never ask me for a video (pics maybe), because he already has me. I think he was just trying to see how far he could go with her, and was treating her like a jumpoff.

Now she argues that it isn’t disrespectful because he only pressed once and when she said no he let it go. And she was like, mad dudes she knew would ask their girl for a video and it wasn’t a big deal. And finally, she said that he would never show it to anyone. So, we put it to the test.

We both contacted some of our male friends and asked them what they thought. We got the same response...if it was his girl, then yeah they would ask, but keep it private...but if it was someone they were just messing with, they'd still ask for a video and then show it off on a jumpoff tip. And they all said that in her case, because she is not official with dude, he was probably treating her like a jumpoff, or like she was set out (one of them thought it was me and wanted dudes name and address on some "don't ask my lil sis that shit" type-steez).

So what is your opinion? Is that disrespectful or not?

-- Not no Kim or Paris

Dear Not no Kim or Paris,

I’m with you and the guys. He is definitely treating her like jumpoff status. If she was his girl, ehh, it’s still iffy as to whether at some point in the future he would show it to someone.

Sidebar: This is why if you ever do do anything on video you should always retain the only copy. But then,we’re in a digital age and there are no such thing as copies anymore. Dude could just email the vid to himself so quick and so fast, before he even rolls over and hands you his phone so you can delete the show. So really, it’s just not smart.

And TMI: I got one a those floating around in the stratosphere somewhere and when I get famous, I might have to put a hit out on dude.

Anyway, yeah I think his asking your girl to do it for the cam is definitely disrespectful. Especially since he had the nerve to make this request, which is a pretty big deal and requires a huge amount of trust (or stupidity) without even making his relationship with her official – which he knows he could do if he wanted to. He just doesn’t want to.

But you say you already got a concensus from some guys whose opinions you trust and she still won't listen. Sometimes you can't tell people, they just have to see it (all on the big screen) for themeselves.

Still, tho. He got his nerve. SMH. Lol.

What y'all think? Vote on the right.

-- Mel

PS Is she in his Top 8? Just askin.

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Lookin 4 Super Love: That Christopher Reeve-type commitment

Dear Melyssa,

I was born with cerebral palsy. I know a lot of people are born disabled, but we want somebody to care for us, too. What I’m sayin is it seems like it’s hard to find people that will ride witcha. I’m a young mane in my 23third year of life. I guess da million dolla thought is, would you date a brotha with a handicap sticker? Same for men, would y’all date a female in the same boat?

I think I had to ask for not so much myself, but for anybody male or female born handicapped who might want to find somebody that’ll ride wit em. My heart don't get lonely cuz God built me to be strong, but when you’re born different, you look at life a certain way. Like, if I died, not neva havin any females or kids in my life. I'ma 100 with that cuz da main goal is heaven and to get up out da wheel chair and walkin someday and gettin out my mom’s house. She’s not gonna be here fa eva. But you might got people who want some love in life or somebody to kick it wit.

It took me a long time to write this cuz I wasn't sure about sendin it, but I could neva be a square. That’s not me. Just a question. No sad stories, just somethin new, like da movie. Much respect and luv.

-- A.M.D.A.D.

Dear A.M.D.A.D.

Wow, you really made me think. I gotta list of must-haves for the next man who wants some of my time: kind; generous; ambitious, having good credit (in no particular order); a relationship with or desire to know God; never been married … It’s really quite a long and drawn out qualifying process here lately. I’ll blog about it. But I never thought about whether or not that package, with all the boxes checked, would still be acceptable to me if it were wrapped up in a man with bum legs. Damn. I gotta say, I don’t know. Is that shallow? Damn.

You seem to not be the type to wallow in self pitty and to have your priorities in order. I do hope I don’t miss out on a good one because of the order of mine.

How about it ladies? Anybody more open minded than I? Fellas? Check the poll to the right.

Thought provoking, AMDAD. Thx for asking.

-- Mel

Got a sit? Wanna second opinion? Hit me up.

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Blinded by Love: How much would you take?

The basis of any relationship is trust, right? Whether it’s a friendship, a business partnership a love affair … There are rules and there are boundaries and you trust the other person to govern themselves accordingly.

Of the list of a lover’s expectations, the biggest has gotta be fidelity. Aside from a few of you freakier ones, (shouts), most of us want the man we’re with to only want to be with us. Moreover, regardless as to what he might fantasize about, we fully expect for him to only actually manifest that imagination in our bed. That’s the agreed upon standard.

But what about all the gray between what might be considered harmless flirtation and actual cheating? Where do you draw the line? How much would you take?

An actual recounted experience brought this question to mind. A while back a gal acquaintance was goin thru it with her man at the time. He had this friend at work who seemed to be a little more than a friend. She’d caught him taking long lunches with this chick and lying about it, having flowers sent to her department for her birthday and shyt. He explained all that away with the “Oh we’re just friends. I love her like a sister.” Fine. Then, my girl came across a few out of the way text messages on her man’s phone from this chick.

“Have time for breakfast in the morning? Call me.” “Gnite, sleep tite. XOXOXO,” “Sweet dreams. C U Tmrw!”

WTF? I mean, nothing blatantly, blatantly sexual, but absolutely and undeniably incriminating, none the less. How many friends of the opposite sex do you have that you text good night? C’mon. I was really disturbed by the whole ordeal, but it wasn’t enough for her to be convinced that he was shady. Quite frankly, nothin short of actually catchin her man with his dick in this chick’s mouth was gonna be enough for her.

And true story, that’s exactly what happened. Well she didn’t exactly catch him, but it got back to her that something had gone down in the company parking lot between her man and ole girl.

She confronted him about it and he was like, “I ain’t have sex with that girl, she just sucked my d*ck. I wasn’t gonna f*ck her.” Wow, for real? True story.

And amazingly, that relationship didn’t time out for another several months. Crazy.

But I’ve kinda been there myself. I can recall relationships where I let a whole lotta shyt go with a boyfriend’s blasé excuse. Extra late nights, unaccounted for nights, phone vibratin all at 2 and 3 in the morning, even missing condoms. (Am I the only one who’s counted?)

“Didn’t we have 7 left?”

“Nah, I dropped one. It’s probably under the bed somewhere.”

That’s the kinda shyt I was OK with. The operative word being was. It’s a new day, ladies.

Which brings me to the question, how much would you take? Are late night text messages okay? What about hugs hello, is that cool? Birthday flowers? Kisses on the cheek? Standing lunch dates? Where do you draw the line in your romantic relationship and how much of your trust is actual faith in fidelity and how much is blind love? How dyou know if (and/or when) your man is pulling the wool over your eyes? Just askin.

-- Mel

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Ask Melyssa Update: First time, shame on you ...

Second time, shame on me. That would be you, Anonymous. Argh, I’m so mad at you.

Ya’ll remember the dude who wrote in a couple weeks back because he caught his live-in cheating on Myspace? The chick has five kids, three baby daddies and he’s supporting the whole lot. Meanwhile she’s getting it in, or at least trying to get it in, with some guys form her past, reconnecting on Myspace and shyt.

I didn’t necessarily tell him to leave, but I did advise him to take a break and give ole girl some space and time to appreciate him. Dude is footing the bill for a whole basketball team, faithfully. She has a lot to ponder. But I guarantee, he wouldn’t have had to be gone but a month, if that long before she got her shyt together. Well, he didn’t have the cajones to pack his shyt and leave. SMH. Here’s a little snippet of the update Anonymous sent me.

Dear Melyssa,

Like a sucker I went back home. lol. You was right I'm all bark and no bite . . . Well actually I'm no bark and no bite. lol

Deep down I love that girl and I really realized how much I loved her after she did what she did. I now that sounds kind of corny, but it is what it is. We talked about everything, but . . . . . ughhhhhhhhh - I still don't trust her. Now I don't know if my trust issues is going to take some time for me to get over, but right now I still don't trust her. First off she gave me some bullshit excuse that she wasn't going to fuck her ex, and that she was shit talking to him. She said talking dirty to others dudes is just like a man watching porn. GET THE F*CK OUTTA HERE!!!! So basically I feel like a nut because I went back to her without getting any answers. Plus she's acting all unusally nice and shit . . . and I don't like it. I know that sounds funny but I don't like it. It's like she's putting on a front by acting nice. I guess it's out of guilt.

I know I f*cked up by going back to her so soon, and the truth will probably never come out. I have accepted that because I've done my dirt in the past (but that was when we was going together for like 6 months - I basically played my part).

Tonight, I'm going to take your advice. Instead of asking her to delete her myspace page (she can always make a new one without me knowing) I'm going to ask her if I can have her new password so I can see her messages and what not. I know she probably stepped her game up and erased all her messages. I just want to see if she's going to get all defensive and shyt. What she doesn't know is that I installed one of them Nanny programs on here computer . . . So right now I'm playing my part, waiting for her to slip up. Your probably thinking I wish this nigga would stop bitching and just leave the girl alone - the problem is I can't. I'm in love and as we all know, love will make you do some crazy shit. Besides, I have been putting up with her jealous ass for 4 long years, now it's my turn to give her a taste of her own medicine.

Dear Anonymous,

Noooo, nooo noooo, nooooo! This is all wrong. You’r letting this woman turn you into a bitch. Cmon, who does that? Checking Myspace pages? Emails, voicemails? Rummaging through top drawers and car consoles? ( I know you didn’t say all that, but it’s coming). A bitch. (Excuse me ladies, I just really need to speak to this dude right now. And yall know what I’m talking about anyway, we’ve all done it). But when a man runs up behind a chick like that, going through her shyt, looking for answers that she herself refuses to give … She will not respect you. Trust. I don’t even know how else to say it. And when the respect is gone, the relationship is a rap.

Why do you even need to read her Myspace messages anymore anyway? You already know what it was and that wasn’t enough to put a fire under your ass, give you a revelation of your own worth and make you leave. So what magical message would you have to see in her inbox to make it click for you? That’s not a rhetorical question. You should really ask yourself that. How much am I willing to put up with? It’s a process, I know. I had to go through it myself. But chances are, what you thought was your ceiling for the shyt you’d be willing to take, you surpassed months ago.

So what’s the hold? And don’t say love. If you were to say the kids, I’d have a little bit more difficulty in rebutting you, but you didn’t mention the kids. You said, “I can’t leave her because I love her.” Come on Anonymous. There’s no love without loyalty and if she’s telling dudes what nasty things she’s gonna do to them and what equally depraved things she wants them to do to her … there’s no loyalty there. You should require more than that.

And I don’t even know why I’m mentioning this, but the talking dirty to guys being like porn? Well that’s just bullshyt, but you know that. And you must also know that she’s being uncharacteristically nice because she’s trying to make good real quick. I say real quick, because it will not last. She will be back to her old antics in a hurry, just give her a minute to get comfortable. You’re playing a losing game waiting on her to slip up again. Because the next time you catch her in some shyt, if you don’t leave then, well then you’ve just completely changed the dynamics of the entire relationship. You have effectually handed her your pants and slipped on a skirt. LOL. No, really. You’re telling her you’re willing to take whatever she’ll put out and you may be mad for a minute but it’ll be all good.

My two year old tries me like that. Screaming when I make him go to bed, flip the light and say gnight. If I let him holler for five minutes before I break down and come in there to console him, he’ll yell at the top of his lungs for 10 the next time. And if I come in 10, well I might as well be prepared to stay up all night because he knows mama’s comin if he can just hold out long enough. (Sorry for the might-be-poor analogy. I relate everything to motherhood. :) ) But I think this one fits.

You’re a good dude, Anonymous. You can do better. Do better.

-- Mel

PS I’m not advocating it, but as long as you’re checking the computer, I’d love to hear more about what you find. Good luck!

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My guy wants a Threesome w/a dude. Homo?

Dear Melyssa,

My boyfriend of a year wants to have a threesome with me for his birthday. I know the threesome is supposed to be every man’s ultimate fantasy, but get this, he wants it with another dude! I was like, WHAT!? I don’t know what to do. I mean, I love him to death and I don’t want to give him reason to get bored with our sex life. And honestly, if he wanted to invite another chick into our bedroom, tho I’m not bi, I might think about it just once. But another dude?

I can’t get past feeling like that’s kinda gay. He assured me he doesn’t want nothing to do with the dude as far as the actual activity, all the attention will be on me. But still . Is this a red flag? Is my man gay?

-- Sandwiched

Dear Sandwiched, (Love that) : )

Wow. Im gonna read thru your letter one more gain –

And wow.

Okay, there’s so much. First off, no a threesome with two guys, in my opinion isn’t necessarily gay. But unless somebody’s getting paid for it, there’s a camera man with a boom and a director that just hollered roll tape before the action began, that’s some bitch ass shyt. Personal opinion. I don’t even understand how the guy drilling the front stays hard, all face to face with dude bangin the back. I don’t get it. But then, I don’t have a penis, so perhaps I wouldn’t.

What may be just as big a question as your man’s sexuality tho, I think are his intentions with you. You said it’s been a year. Really, the sex should still be poppin. If he feels the need to bring a whole lotta extra people in the bed, especially at this early stage in the game, perhaps it’s not so much that he’s bored with regular sex with you as it is he sees you as a why-not type of chick.

Want her to do this? Why not? Do that? Why not? F*ck that dude? Why not? Suck this dude … and so on and so forth. A fun freak, if you will. LOL. Maybe not, I’m just sayin. But I guarantee you there are some women that he would never in a million years make the request that he’s made with you. Furthermore, he’s been in relationships before where the very thought of his chick up under another hard-chested, sweaty man, pounding away would give him knots in his stomach and cause his fists to involuntarily tighten at his sides. It seems like you’re not that girl.

And that’s okay, if that’s okay with you. When you describe your relationship by saying you’ve been together a year tho, and make no mention of an open clause, I get the feeling that that kind of regard for said relationship isn’t okay with you.

Lemme tell you what a dear guy friend a mine told me: If they share, they don’t care. Pretty much sums it up, huh?

So, gay? Ehh. Maybe. But definitely disrespectful as f*ck.

-- Mel

PS If you do do it tho, Holla. I wann hear alllll the details. : )

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Deciphering the Double Standard: Why can’t men take it?

Good question. Me and my girl were debating this the other day. Shouts to Michelle.

“I mean, he’s been caught red-handed before and we were able to get past that shyt. But let my phone vibrate after midnight and it’s bout to be world war III all in our bedroom,” she told me. “It’s like I’m supposed to respect his ego more than he respects my feelings. Men and their f*ckin egos.”

Juuust had this convo, and as if I haven’t had shyt else to do, I been thinking about it a lot since then. (First of all, if you live with your man your phone really shouldn’t be ringin after midnite anyway, I’m just sayin).

But here’s my take on this age-old question and it’s more than a bruised ego.

When men cheat, it’s horrible. It ruins trust, it may take months or years to repair the relationship and the woman will never forget, though she may forgive. But it can work. It will be hard, it will take earnest effort on behalf of both parties, but it can be mended.

When women cheat, that shyt is a wrap.

So what’s with the double standard? Why can guys dish out so much more than they can take?

That knotted up feeling in your stomach when you come across a suspicious email or voicemail, that stopping of your breath when you finally know what you’ve been suspecting and he’s been denying for weeks; The embarrassment of other people knowin what your man has doing before you do …We go through all that and often come back to that same relationship stronger for it. Men aren’t about to put up with the shyt we go thru.

But more than that, in my experience anyway, men and women cheat for different reasons.

When a woman cheats, it often represents a much deeper problem in the relationship. By the time she gets to the point where she’s ready to lie down with another man, she’s been putting up with the bullshyt she’s been putting up with at home for a looong time. A woman who is in love will take a whole lot for a while.

A man, on the other hand, can have it all, be completely happy, beautiful wife, great job, big pretty house, two smart, well-behaved kids, a dog in the yard, a hot meal every night and head every morning. That same man will go on a weekend trip to Vegas for an old college buddy’s bachelor party and f*ck some stripper in the hotel suite bathroom. No reason at all. He got drunk and she was there. It happens. (Not that every man isn’t shyt -- Please don’t tell me that because I do plan on getting married at some point – It’s not that. They’re just … men. They’re different from us.)

So it’s some times a lot easier for a relationship to get over a man’s infidelity bcause there is often less to get over. It was just sex. When a woman steps out, it was probably a lot more than that.

How yall feel?

-- Melyssa Ganache

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Rationing Relations: Putting up with him/her not putting out

Unfortunately, I’ve been on both sides of that there stop sign. : ) Neither view is pretty, believe me.

I was having a conversation with a good guy pal of mine the other day about the rationing of relations. He happens to be in a long-term committed relationship with his girl, but lately when they get in fights, she takes to closing down shop ie, her legs.

Not cool.

“I mean who does she think she is,” B ranted. “She think her shyt is so good that I’m supposed to beg? Man, I can hold out as long as she can. My shit is good. I put in work.”

Funny dude. And I’m inclined to agree. (Not about the D game, I wouldn’t know anything about that as we’re not that kind of friends). But really, if you and I are in a committed and sexual relationship, you’re supposed to be puttin out. Period. It’s not often that we ladies have to raise sand about not getting our due – I mean most of us can’t pump gas without some straggler trying to give us the D – but I’ve had a couple of run-ins with guys who, like the King of Pop, would rather climb trees than have sex. (Remember when he said that, sitting on a branch on TV no less? That’s when I knew Michael was crazy).

Well maybe just one guy. The first guy didn’t really like eating the appetizer which is a bit of a prerequisite for me, I’m just sayin. (Entirely too much business, I know, but I’ve had a couple of glasses of wine. Stay with me).

Anyway, he had a spiritual awakening and said he just wanted to be abstinent. Seriously? I mean, I can certainly respect one’s desire to straighten their walk, but don’t drag me into that shyt. LOL No, I’m playin, but really, at the time, I wasn’t ready to make that moral commitment, and his unilateral decision was f*cking my evenings all up. Had to let it go.

Sidebar: I so get the whole abstinence thing now, tho. In 2008, I’m on some “I have the gates of heaven between my legs” shyt. It’s not goin down. <--- And that’s not easy, by the way. I’ll blog on that later.

On the flip side tho, I’ve held out for well over a year before, no bullshyt. My girlfriends didn’t even believe me when I told them this, but yeah, really. A full year and then some. Let’s see, nearly nine months of pregnancy (it may have still been on for a few, shortly after conception, but that's about it) plus eight months (that’s how old my son was when I finally got the hell out of that crazy situation) that's just about a year and a half of celibacy. Damn.

My girl was telling me how strong I am, and if she were me she’d just have to break down and get with the BD (baby's daddy). But I did that time standing on my head. LOL. I could not stand for my baby’s dad to touch me. He was an abusive, controlling, obnoxious and generally horrible person and though he didn’t look any different physically than he did when I had been attracted to him, I became repulsed.

Women are like that, tho. We can’t just have – well most of us can’t just have – emotionless sex. If the relationship isn’t right the sex will suffer. (Men work in the opposite way, I think, trying to fix problems in the bedroom). Anyway, I was so emotionally removed from that relationship, I slept on the futon some nights. It was really bad. I should have been gone long before I was, but I desperately -- and foolishly, at all costs -- wanted a two-parent home for my son. Soo over that, by the way. He’ll be just fine.

So talk to me ya’ll. How long have you held out? How long would you hold out and how long would you wait on him or her to move past the stop sign to a green light?

-- Melyssa Ganache

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With this Ring ...

Somebody on my other blog asked me some questions about why I stayed in an unhealthy relationship with my son’s father that got me thinking about societal standards, double standards, judgement and acceptance and prompted me to write this blog. It’s really a topic of subject matter in its own right. Thx for reading, SJ!

What is it about that little piece of jewelry that gives a woman seeming stability, perceived virtue and acceptance and earns her respect from the masses? I’m just a mom, a woman with a kid. No hubby, no fiancé, no significant other. So whadamI, chopped liver?

This whole concept of “perceived virtue” is a big part of what kept me in a horrible and abusive relationship from hell for as long as I was there. Comparably short lived next to some of the Lifetime flicks I’ve seen, but my own personal purgatory none the less.

Any way, I had it in my head that, pregnant and husbandless, I was a shameful failure. I thought the least i could do for my unborn child was to ensure that he would come into this world to a two-parent home, So BD (The baby’s daddy) and I decided to try and make a go of it. Thank God we didn’t get as far as the altar, but I gotta tell you, for a minute there, I was gone.

I mean, bad. I’m taking the little diamond ring I’d gotten for my birthday a couple of years ago off my right hand and slipping it onto my left, red faced, imagining that the little old church lady on the bus across from me is shaking her head at my bulging belly and bare ring finger. I faked it for my co-workers, I faked it for strangers on the street, I even told my family I was in love, riddled with guilt from having conceived illegitimately (and amid some unrelated drama as well).

Almost two years later, I am so over it. It feels so good to be free, and to care significantly less about what people think about what I do, and how they feel about who I am. I have since learned you absolutely cannot correct one mistake with another. It is impossible. You cannot do it. And it seems like an obvious statement of common sense, but sooo many of us don’t know it.

My 16-year-old cousin is pregnant. Six months. I cried real tears when she first told the fam. She’s beautiful, she’s super smart, she has scholarships lined up for college already and she’s knocked up by some kid who does not deserve her and does not have half her talent or potential. But her uber religious parents are pushing her to marry this guy. He’s willing, by the way.

I am fuming about this and on the verge of causing a real rift, because they want the family to stand behind them in their pressuring her to tie the knot. I can’t do it.

It’s one thing to mess up, have unprotected sex and end up pregnant. It is something else entirely to think that a gold band and a government stamped piece of paper can make good on that mistake.

I may have to send them a link.

-- Melyssa Ganache

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