Rationing Relations: Putting up with him/her not putting out

Unfortunately, I’ve been on both sides of that there stop sign. : ) Neither view is pretty, believe me.

I was having a conversation with a good guy pal of mine the other day about the rationing of relations. He happens to be in a long-term committed relationship with his girl, but lately when they get in fights, she takes to closing down shop ie, her legs.

Not cool.

“I mean who does she think she is,” B ranted. “She think her shyt is so good that I’m supposed to beg? Man, I can hold out as long as she can. My shit is good. I put in work.”

Funny dude. And I’m inclined to agree. (Not about the D game, I wouldn’t know anything about that as we’re not that kind of friends). But really, if you and I are in a committed and sexual relationship, you’re supposed to be puttin out. Period. It’s not often that we ladies have to raise sand about not getting our due – I mean most of us can’t pump gas without some straggler trying to give us the D – but I’ve had a couple of run-ins with guys who, like the King of Pop, would rather climb trees than have sex. (Remember when he said that, sitting on a branch on TV no less? That’s when I knew Michael was crazy).

Well maybe just one guy. The first guy didn’t really like eating the appetizer which is a bit of a prerequisite for me, I’m just sayin. (Entirely too much business, I know, but I’ve had a couple of glasses of wine. Stay with me).

Anyway, he had a spiritual awakening and said he just wanted to be abstinent. Seriously? I mean, I can certainly respect one’s desire to straighten their walk, but don’t drag me into that shyt. LOL No, I’m playin, but really, at the time, I wasn’t ready to make that moral commitment, and his unilateral decision was f*cking my evenings all up. Had to let it go.

Sidebar: I so get the whole abstinence thing now, tho. In 2008, I’m on some “I have the gates of heaven between my legs” shyt. It’s not goin down. <--- And that’s not easy, by the way. I’ll blog on that later.

On the flip side tho, I’ve held out for well over a year before, no bullshyt. My girlfriends didn’t even believe me when I told them this, but yeah, really. A full year and then some. Let’s see, nearly nine months of pregnancy (it may have still been on for a few, shortly after conception, but that's about it) plus eight months (that’s how old my son was when I finally got the hell out of that crazy situation) that's just about a year and a half of celibacy. Damn.

My girl was telling me how strong I am, and if she were me she’d just have to break down and get with the BD (baby's daddy). But I did that time standing on my head. LOL. I could not stand for my baby’s dad to touch me. He was an abusive, controlling, obnoxious and generally horrible person and though he didn’t look any different physically than he did when I had been attracted to him, I became repulsed.

Women are like that, tho. We can’t just have – well most of us can’t just have – emotionless sex. If the relationship isn’t right the sex will suffer. (Men work in the opposite way, I think, trying to fix problems in the bedroom). Anyway, I was so emotionally removed from that relationship, I slept on the futon some nights. It was really bad. I should have been gone long before I was, but I desperately -- and foolishly, at all costs -- wanted a two-parent home for my son. Soo over that, by the way. He’ll be just fine.

So talk to me ya’ll. How long have you held out? How long would you hold out and how long would you wait on him or her to move past the stop sign to a green light?

-- Melyssa Ganache