Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Do you care if your kid’s gay? (Don't lie)

So my 17-year-old cousin just came out of the closet to the fam. He made a big announcement to us all, his mom, dad, uncles, aunts, cousins, even our great grandmother, the matriarch of the family. Major balls.

A resounding part of me applauds him for his courage, and I told him so. I mean, people live years in the closet, lifetimes even – marrying and having kids and living a façade … and some with good reason. Its 2007, but for some people, coming out still means risking many of the relationships they hold dear. The reaction to David’s announcement was mixed, as could be expected I guess. But I was one of the many in our clan that took it in stride. I’ll love him no matter what.

I have to admit tho, it came as a real shock.

Growing up, he wasn’t the kid that got picked on and called f*ggot by the bigger boys. He didn’t skip rope with the girl cousins in the summers or play dolls with us. He played football and wrestled and got bruised up and cursed. At 12, he skipped Sunday school and got caught fingering the pastor’s daughter in the basement – during service, no less. He was a boy. And in high school, he’d often confide in me of his conquests with the ladies. He’s dashingly handsome, the girls love him and he seemed to love them. None of the stereotypic “tells” applied here. His coming out came out of left field. His being gay, in and of itself I guess, isn’t so much to accept, for me. It’s the surprise. I mean, I thought my gaydar was on point. This one clearly slipped under.

And that got me to thinking … I don’t wanna be surprised like that. More specifically … and I’ll just say it, cause I don’t know how to say it, but to say it …

I don’t want my son to surprise me in 16 years. I don't want my kid to be gay. There.

Is that even okay to say in 2008? I dunno. I mean, I consider y’all to be fam, so I’m making this really real. I have to admit tho, I do have some misgivings about even feeling that way. Judgemental. I mean, I have gay relatives (one more, as of late) gay friends … really good gay friends, and I looove Noah’s Ark (the Black gay series on LoGo). I kinda feel like a hypocrite, yknow? like the white guy who says “I don’t mind my daughter bein friends with em but I’ll be damned if she marries a darkie.” Isn’t it the same thing? It’s okay to spend a Saturday shopping or dance the night away at a gay bar with my boifriends, and if that’s the lifestyle my cousin says is for him, that’s cool with me, too - But not my son? Not my son? I mean, I’ll love my baby boy no matter what, that’s not even my issue. Be clear. But I want him to be straight. More than that, I don’t want him to be gay. Is that kinda f*cked up? Just askin.

So tell me mamas, especially the ladies raising boys, but even if you have a daughter, is your child’s sexuality concerning? Do you even care? Don’t lie.

-Melyssa Ganache (Originally published Oct4, 2007, thus some comments are old)

Speaking of the - ahem - aforementioned, this kid's got talent:


Q said...

Yes, of course!!! I would think any normal person would....... But that is out of my control. But thank God my son LOOOOVVVVESSSS women. lol. But on a serious tip- HELLLL YEA,it would kill me, but I guess I would get over it.

Foxxy said...

I do care. Lets say when my boys get older I just hope they marry Eve and not Adam.

Ambrose P said...

I suport you in what would on the surface be considered hypocrisy. There are certain things that move in harmony in our natural world. Homosexuality isn't one of them. Its one thing to acknowledge it for what it is, whether that's acceptance or rejection for someone doing what there will extends to them. When its you children...that part of you that extends beyond your life. It takes on a whole new meaning because you want them to be in harmony with the natural world as THE MOST HIGH designed it. Its literally the difference between grand kids and adopted grand kids. The Yin and yang..circle of life for fans of THE LION KING. The circle is brought to an abrupt end and the harmony of the natural world is off key. Partnership...relationship whatever you want to call it is defined by the Yin and Yang...Sun and the Moon. Imagine if you woke up to the Sun and went to be to the Sun...Life as we know would not be in harmony, yet we would live. Although it would never be as beautiful.

Anonymous said...

I feel you Ambrose, I dont think that shit is natural either. But it's not just hipocritical on the surface, its just hipocritical. Either its cool, and gay people can be your friends and chill at the house and party with you, or its not cool, and you dont want your kids to be like them, and you let them do their thing and you do yours. But you cant say, oh its cool on Saturday night but not Sunday morning. Thats fucked up. Either it is or it aint. And Ambrose, you oughtta love your damn grandkids the same anyway.

kth said...

Our children are just that..."our children". We must love them but love does not mean we have to accept the things that they do. That is part of our charge as parents; to love unconditionally but also to chastise and rebuke. I believe that homosexuality is a choice and my personal belief system cannot let me accept it as righteous in any shape or form. My main concern would be with the spiritual well-being of my child in his or her relationship with the Creator.

Anonymous said...

I would most definitely care, but to a certain extent. I also have gays in my family ( uncle and cousin). I love them, I accept them. I don't have children biologically, but I have a god child that I raise as my own. She even calls me mommy. In my eyes she can do no wrong eventhough she's five and tries to be in grown folks convo like she's twenty-four!!! I'd have to admit that I would be dissappointed because I know everyone in this world would not be accepting of her. It breaks my heart now when she comes home crying because some kid at school is teasing her, so I know it would kill me ten times over if someone were to harass her because of her sexual preference. I hate to see my baby in pain. If she (or any of my future kids) were to tell me they were gay, the only thing I would ask of them is to not be so damn flamboyant or butch!!!! I know it's wrong to say that, but just because your a lesbian doesn't mean you have to walk around rockin a fade or a low cut ceasar!!! Put on some Jimmy Choos and your freakum dress and do your Lipstick Lesbian thing!!!LMAO!!!! Oh and by the way I loooove Noah's Arc too. Dre (Wade's boyfriend from Season 2, I think) Is sooo sexy to me!!!I hope he is straight. He could get any day. But these day's you can't tell who is gay or not on looks alone (Karamo the homo thug from Real World, I forgot what season)Noah's hot too!! Which one is you fave? I watch too much t.v.

Melyssa Ganache said...

Dre is hot. Why did that show get cancelled? I'm so mad. It used to be on demand, it's not even there anymore. And Karamo broke my heart, girl! I'm lookin at everybody suspect since that shyt came out.

You are so commendable to raise your god child. Good for you!