Do you care if your kid’s gay? (Don't lie)

So my 17-year-old cousin just came out of the closet to the fam. He made a big announcement to us all, his mom, dad, uncles, aunts, cousins, even our great grandmother, the matriarch of the family. Major balls.

A resounding part of me applauds him for his courage, and I told him so. I mean, people live years in the closet, lifetimes even – marrying and having kids and living a façade … and some with good reason. Its 2007, but for some people, coming out still means risking many of the relationships they hold dear. The reaction to David’s announcement was mixed, as could be expected I guess. But I was one of the many in our clan that took it in stride. I’ll love him no matter what.

I have to admit tho, it came as a real shock.

Growing up, he wasn’t the kid that got picked on and called f*ggot by the bigger boys. He didn’t skip rope with the girl cousins in the summers or play dolls with us. He played football and wrestled and got bruised up and cursed. At 12, he skipped Sunday school and got caught fingering the pastor’s daughter in the basement – during service, no less. He was a boy. And in high school, he’d often confide in me of his conquests with the ladies. He’s dashingly handsome, the girls love him and he seemed to love them. None of the stereotypic “tells” applied here. His coming out came out of left field. His being gay, in and of itself I guess, isn’t so much to accept, for me. It’s the surprise. I mean, I thought my gaydar was on point. This one clearly slipped under.

And that got me to thinking … I don’t wanna be surprised like that. More specifically … and I’ll just say it, cause I don’t know how to say it, but to say it …




I don’t want my son to surprise me in 16 years. I don't want my kid to be gay. There.

Is that even okay to say in 2008? I dunno. I mean, I consider y’all to be fam, so I’m making this really real. I have to admit tho, I do have some misgivings about even feeling that way. Judgemental. I mean, I have gay relatives (one more, as of late) gay friends … really good gay friends, and I looove Noah’s Ark (the Black gay series on LoGo). I kinda feel like a hypocrite, yknow? like the white guy who says “I don’t mind my daughter bein friends with em but I’ll be damned if she marries a darkie.” Isn’t it the same thing? It’s okay to spend a Saturday shopping or dance the night away at a gay bar with my boifriends, and if that’s the lifestyle my cousin says is for him, that’s cool with me, too - But not my son? Not my son? I mean, I’ll love my baby boy no matter what, that’s not even my issue. Be clear. But I want him to be straight. More than that, I don’t want him to be gay. Is that kinda f*cked up? Just askin.

So tell me mamas, especially the ladies raising boys, but even if you have a daughter, is your child’s sexuality concerning? Do you even care? Don’t lie.

-Melyssa Ganache (Originally published Oct4, 2007, thus some comments are old)

Speaking of the - ahem - aforementioned, this kid's got talent: