You kiss your baby with that mouth?

About the balance of single motherhood and single womanhood ... It is a tightrope, aint it?

When my baby was born, I became a changed woman. And most of the changes, I welcomed. I love motherhood and I knew I’d be giving up a few things in order to be a successful mom. But damn, can I just have a couple of them back?

I had no idea that within a brief nine-month period, the mouth that had once, thru much study and research, gotten felatio down to a scientific pattern of rhythm and pressure would be forever changed. The mountainous breasts - oh so soft, but just firm enough - that had once been the downfall of many a disciplined man, would be hidden away for what seems like ever; and those home-wrecking hips would have no further need to swing. I’m playin, y’all. I’m playin. : )

No, really.


But seriously, the only action I'm gettin lately is giving my baby boy zerberts. And the boobs, he’s just sucked dry, y’all. Dry. Who knew that God made boobs to produce milk? All this time? I mean, really.

So he’s 15-months old and I just wanna know: Where is the balance between single motherhood and single womanhood? In other words, when does mama get to get it in?

I’m not talking about a 10-years-later re-adaptation of that drunken threesome you had in college. (You did have a drunken threesome in college, right? Don’t act like I’m the only freak here.) But I’m talking about the much more mundane aspects of having a sex life. Like … having sex, for instance.

I guess I’m having trouble, not just literally, (although, that too) but morally, reconciling sex as a single, with single momdom. I’m having my own Madonna/whore complex meltdown. I mean, I feel guilty about kissing my baby boy with liquor on my breath, so ... clearly … how can anything else go down? (No pun intended).

So I confided in a couple of good friends last weekend about my dilemma. We’ve been girls since college. One of them said something that was so poignant, I have to share. It hasn’t really helped me, but maybe if you’re going thru the same struggle, it’ll help you. So Ayana says:

“Don’t act like BD’s are the last balls you’ll ever have on your chin. That’s stupid.”

Wow. Indeed. Well when it’s broken down like that … See that’s what friends are for.
And so, I am a woman. And according to one of my best girlfriends, that’s ok. (Nevermind the balls on Ayana’s chin are her husband’s and the father of her child, or that we happened to be in town together in the first place for Katia’s bachelorette party.) Katia, who was amping me up to take the very well hung stripper out to the parking lot and put it on him like she knows I can (or used to, perhaps). “You deserve it,” she coaxed.

I need new friends.

But really, it’s not the same when you’re getting down with your baby’s daddy, or even your kid’s stepdaddy. I mean, what kind of whore do you have to be to go out and have frivolous sex, or worse, come in and have frivolous sex and you’re supposed to be a mom? Ok, that was a loaded question. Just tell me this. I need to know:

Single moms, how do you get it in?
(No judging. Promise).

-Melyssa Ganache