Monday, September 15, 2008

Ask Melyssa: Wedding proposal or chastity insurance?

Dear Melyssa,

My boyfriend of three years just proposed to me. I’ve been waiting on him to pop the question for at least a year and I should be the happiest girl in the world right now. But I’m concerned that the only reason he even asked is to keep me faithful while he’s away.

We’ve gone back and forth about his failing to propose in recent months and he always said the same thing, he’s just not ready. Then, he got word form his ship (he’s a sailor) that he’d have to deploy for six months, and voila! He pops up with a ring. I wanna accept whole heartedly ( I already told him yes) but I have my reservations. Does the timing even matter? Am I just being silly. I mean, this man loves me and I love him.

-- Unsure

Dear Unsure,

Wedding proposal or chastity insurance? I’m gonna say there’s a bit of both in your new fiance’s proposition. I’m sure he loves you deeply and sees you as the woman he wants to eventually marry, I just don’t know if he really wants to marry you right now. He’s practically said as much, right? But all of the sudden, right before he gets sent of for six months, he wants to wrap up his deal with you. Mhm. At some point, he may have gotten down on one knee, but he would absolutely not be doing it now if it weren’t for Uncle Sam’s summons. I’ve never been married (though I have turned down one proposal), but I’m gonna have to advice you to temporarily pass.

If he wants to marry you now, and his wishes are sincere, then he’ll wanna marry you in six months when he’s back on state’s side. Why should he have the security that for his entire deployment you’re gonna be waiting for him faithfully, pining away after him, throwing yourself into ribbon-adorned invitations, flowers and pictures of towering wedding cakes. Ha!

I say, let him squirm a little. Tell him, your engagement is something that really special and you want to be able to share it with him and you’d like to hold off on that engagement until he’s home and able to be a part of the planning and the excitement. And by the way, you do deserve that. Tell him you’re thrilled that he wants to spend his life with you, but this six months away from each other will also be a test of your relationship. Let’s get through that before we start making wedding announcements, k?

Best of luck, whatever you decide. Lemme know how it turns out!




a single males point of view said...

I don't know with this one. I mean homie gave her a ring. Rings cost money. So I don't understand how he just all of a sudden popped up with a ring. Unless he's a baller with money to throw out like that.

I say you should give him the ring back not because you think his proposal isn't genuine, but because your second guessing the whole thing.

@ Mel - I thought you knew better than to play games. Oh yeah, it's about time you came back

Anonymous said...

Yeah I agree with Single Male... games are to be played by children.

If you feel the proposal is not genuine, then talk to him like you're both adults, don't second guess. After that conversation if you still feel as though he is just trying to "lock you down" while he's gone, then move on.

Melyssa Ganache said...

He's the one playin games. She's been at him for a proposal for a year, now he wanna come with a ring right before he sets off on a 6 month tour? Cmon, thatls game. Not sayin he doesntlove her and doesn't wanna marry her at some point, but the timing here is all in his interstM not hers. And if he's sincere in his proposal then it will stand in a half a year when he's back around, layin up everynight under her and not worried about where she's soending her evening. when he no longer "has" to propose to insure the relationship. and what's wrong with waitin for her man to get back anyway? If they can't get thru these 6 mos and still wanna tie the knot then they probably didn't need to anyway, right?

Thx, Single Male. Man, I miss the outlet but I'm takin a couple of classes and unfortunately, I had to break down and get a real gig. grindin it out online isn't payin like it once did. :( So my time is short. But Ill be updating once, maybe twice a week.

Mista Jaycee said...

Lil Girls dream about their weddings and they plan it over a lifetime. It's not the same with all lil Boys. I think she should take the time to make sure. Go to a good marriage counselor before you make that leap. Marriage aint for punks!
Now on a side note, I struggled with asking my then girlfriend to wed. I had no money! No ring! No house or viable prospects. I loved her and I was faithful. Then one day the Lord literally talked to me about it. Would she marry you with no ring? No House? No Money? Yes I answered then why haven't you married her. I asked her while she was eating a sandwich. You wanna marry me?
Yeah, Why? not the way I wanted it so later she asked were you trying to ask me to marry you? Yeah and you asked me why. Well maybe it's the way you asked me. Long story short. She married me!
Good luck and God Bless!

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