Beat it up, beat the rap: Why do men think good lovin solves everything?

I was having a conversation with a good guy pal of mine the other night. I love talking to him because he always gives me good fodder to write about. Anyway, he was complaining, as he often does, about the loveless relationship he desperately wants out of. He and his girl have been together for a couple of years and it’s headed no where fast. But you know how these things go. It takes a while to break up and it’s hard to make a clean split. So anyway, he shared with me one of his little remedies for keeping the peace at home, at least for as long as he plans to be there. Angry sex, he says. Shocker.

“Sometimes I don’t even wanna do it,” he told me. “But if I really effed up, I’m in a bind and I know there’s no way I can defend myself, I’ll just grab her and kiss her …” And it’s on and poppin, I guess.

When in trouble, put the lovin on her. Seems to work for him. And I don’t think it’s a method lost on many men.

It’s a principle even my not yet two-year-old has grasped. Whenever I catch him opening and slamming drawers and cabinets I shoot him that look that stops his little hands cold. He immediately puts his head down with this coy look he’s absolutely mastered, scampers across the room to me, climbs up my legs into my arms like monkey bars and smothers me with kisses. He’s a baby casanova. And after he’s hugged me and kissed me and said, “love you mama,” (I looove it when he says that) I’m supposed to not feel like scolding him anymore.

And clearly, grown men are no better. Put it down and problems are supposed to disappear. Don’t get me wrong, I like a nice, hot, angry, rough sex session as much as any other gal -- LOL. Really – But I absolutely hate to be done. Please don’t do me. Don’t act like we’re gonna have a real conversation about real concerns and all you’re looking for is a pause in my ranting so you can interject and enter-ject. At best, it’s a temporary solution, anyway. Whatever the shyt was we were arguing about will undoubtedly come back up sooner or later. (Perhaps sooner than later, depending upon how good that deviation was.) : ) I started reliving some of my fonder memories under this new light that my guy had hipped me to and I think I’ve been taken a few times more than I care to admit. Good times, tho. Good times.

-- Melyssa Ganache