Pitty Pussy ... just pitiful. Stop it, ladies

Ladies, y'all know what this is, and unfortunately, we’ve all done it.

You thought you wanted it, you said you wanted it, you acted like you wanted it, then right before you’re set to get it .. ehhh, not so much.

Sure, no means no. But what if you say yes, yes, yes, then when the package is unwrapped you wanna send the gift back? When’s it too late to say no? Right after the panties hit the floor? Once the condom’s out of the wrapper and wrapped around? Two, three pumps in? LOL. (Ive actually done that before. Not pretty. Yes, really. Awful).

But really, what’s the alternative? Goin all the way through with what you’ve begun in an effort to keep up some ill-applied finish-what-you-started mantra? And before you know it, you’re having what? Sex, because you feel sorry: Pitty pussy. A sad set of affairs, indeed.

For me, this is some old shyt. This is some shyt that went out in 2000. Me and a couple of my closest girlfriends were like, “fuck that, I’d rather be called a tease.” And so I’ve been, ever since … lol. Kidding.

And really, in out late twenties, we should be past all that point-of-no-return bullshyt, anyway. If you do or say something stupid and I change my mind, then that’s what it is. Imagine my grave disappointment then, when one of those same dear friends that made that pact with me almost a decade ago, recently relented.

“I mean, I felt so bad for him, we were at the register and he just pulled out his credit card like it was nothing … he bought this … he bought that …” she went on.

I’d heard it before. I’d said it before.

“He sends flowers to my job for no reason … he’s always a complete gentleman … I hadn’t even let him feel me up …” she continued.

I’d said all that.

“So when he moved in for it, I mean, what could I do? The nigga earned that shyt,” she rationalized.

Mind you, she’d been leading this dude on for months, spending his money and accepting his invitations to go here and go there with hardly a tongue kiss exchanged at the end of the night. He really had put in some work for that ass. (Just to keep it 100 tho, a lot of that was dude’s fault. A grown ass man is not gonna do all that shyt while you keep him waiting to eff for no effin reason; clearly date other people; and haven’t even shirted dude yet. <-- let him take your shirt off. Just sayin).

So anyway, I understand her feeling guilty about nothing goin down. She was not attracted to him and had been playin like she was. Terrible. But f*ck that! That means he gets to get it!?

I was like, “c’mon man, we made a pact like 7 years ago. That shyt is dead … damn.” So disappointed. But not more than she, so I tried not to make it worse.

It’s not as if I didn’t have a story of my own. The year was 2000. I was a senior at Hampton University. Good times. So there was this guy, let’s call him Blake. Corny name, for a corny dude.

Anyway, he was cool, we’d had a good time together, he’d come through and we’d eat and drink and laugh and all that good stuff. Anyway this one night, we started to get down. I’m naked, he’s standing in his boxers and he pulls it out. I think a strong wind of reality must’ve blown through at that exact moment, making him rigid and simultaneously drying me up. LOL. It was h-o-r-r-i-b-l-e. I mean, I know everyone’s not hung like a mandingo. I get that. Some guys are larger, others aren’t, but this dude? This dude was muuuuch smaller than your average. I mean, to the point where he KNEW how sub par his package was. He'd clearly heard it before.

He pulled it out and was holding it like, “It’s kinda small … I’m sorry it’s so small … is it big enough for you?”

Are you F*ckin serious!? What the f*ck was I supposed to say to that!? I SWEAR this really happened. I can still see it like it was yesterday. I am ashamed, and sickened to my stomach to admit that I lied back, in the obligatory V and let him have at it for the longest 3 1/2 minutes of my life. God forgive me.

This same dude hit me on LinkedIn the other week, btw, hadn't heard from him since school, talkin ‘bout, “we should get together for tea one day.” He'd recently moved to my hood. Yes, he said tea. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL. Pitty pussy’s dead, nigga. Nothin doin.

Holla.

--Mel

After thought: Do guys go thru this? There a such think as pitty d!ck? LOL. Just askin.

-----------
And in today's garbage ...

Kobe likes to cum on chicks faces, choke em out while hitting it from the back and other points of TMI you may or may not have waned to know about your favorite NBA star, over at my other blog, Candy Coated Trash.