Monday, March 10, 2008

Ask Melyssa: Half on a baby?

Hi guys, as you may or may not know, I’m kicking off a little advice column, “Ask Melyssa” every Monday. Not that I have it all together -- I certainly and absolutely do not -- but if you’d like a second opinion, shoot me a query. I love to chat about your business as much as my own. :)

Below is a letter from a brave girl who emailed me first. Thx Shawny!

ear Melyssa,

I’m a 24 year old women and I’ve been with my boyfriend for about three years. Lately, during sex he’s been saying he wants to get me pregnant. Honestly, we haven’t been really being safe. I’m not on the pill anymore or anything and he’s just been pulling out. Don’t ask me why, stupid I guess. Neither one of us really likes condoms, but when I tried to get him to wear one the other night he wouldn’t. I don’t know if I’m ready for a kid. Same time, we’ve been together a while, I love him and I know he loves me, we are great together, we have our ups and downs but we are pretty solid about being together. So should we take the leap or not? What you think?

--Shawny Luv


First off, get back on the pill quick and make dude wear a condom. Tonite. Now that we’ve gotten that taken care of, I have to ask why no where in your letter do you mention marriage? Whether you’re an old fashioned girl or a more cosmo one, religious or not, if you’re thinking about having a kid, you should definitely get married first. Believe me, having a child with a man requires no less responsibility than being legally married to that person. Actually, the marriage certificate protects your rights and those of your child in ways that a mere domestic agreement cannot.

Married or not, with this guy or the next, until you are absolutely sure that you’re ready to be a mother, please have protected sex. You will get pregnant. It’s simple math, it’s the law of averages, it’s only a matter of time. Mind you, I’m speaking from experience. And though I’m sure you and your boyfriend would love the baby just the same, it’s not fair for anyone to have to come into the world accidentally. Plan it out, create a solid foundation, get your credit together and your degree game intact, make that fool put a ring on your finger and do the damn thing. You’re 24, childless and still have the opportunity to make your life whatever you want it to be without restriction. Why add a baby to the mix prematurely?

Hope I’ve helped. Ladies, feel free to chime in.

-- Melyssa Ganache

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Maribelle said...

Listen to sage advice. Don't get pregnant until you're married and you're ready. And why is he on;y saying he wants to knock you up while he's in it. Men say some strange things in the bedroom. You need to have this convo in the sober light of day and really see where his head is at. And um, no condom, no nookie.

Melyssa Ganache said...

Very good points, Maribelle. Preach.

EuroYank said...

Just say no, and if you ask yourself those questions you are not ready!