Friday, March 21, 2008

Deciphering the Double Standard: Why can’t men take it?

Good question. Me and my girl were debating this the other day. Shouts to Michelle.

“I mean, he’s been caught red-handed before and we were able to get past that shyt. But let my phone vibrate after midnight and it’s bout to be world war III all in our bedroom,” she told me. “It’s like I’m supposed to respect his ego more than he respects my feelings. Men and their f*ckin egos.”

Juuust had this convo, and as if I haven’t had shyt else to do, I been thinking about it a lot since then. (First of all, if you live with your man your phone really shouldn’t be ringin after midnite anyway, I’m just sayin).

But here’s my take on this age-old question and it’s more than a bruised ego.

When men cheat, it’s horrible. It ruins trust, it may take months or years to repair the relationship and the woman will never forget, though she may forgive. But it can work. It will be hard, it will take earnest effort on behalf of both parties, but it can be mended.

When women cheat, that shyt is a wrap.

So what’s with the double standard? Why can guys dish out so much more than they can take?

That knotted up feeling in your stomach when you come across a suspicious email or voicemail, that stopping of your breath when you finally know what you’ve been suspecting and he’s been denying for weeks; The embarrassment of other people knowin what your man has doing before you do …We go through all that and often come back to that same relationship stronger for it. Men aren’t about to put up with the shyt we go thru.

But more than that, in my experience anyway, men and women cheat for different reasons.

When a woman cheats, it often represents a much deeper problem in the relationship. By the time she gets to the point where she’s ready to lie down with another man, she’s been putting up with the bullshyt she’s been putting up with at home for a looong time. A woman who is in love will take a whole lot for a while.

A man, on the other hand, can have it all, be completely happy, beautiful wife, great job, big pretty house, two smart, well-behaved kids, a dog in the yard, a hot meal every night and head every morning. That same man will go on a weekend trip to Vegas for an old college buddy’s bachelor party and f*ck some stripper in the hotel suite bathroom. No reason at all. He got drunk and she was there. It happens. (Not that every man isn’t shyt -- Please don’t tell me that because I do plan on getting married at some point – It’s not that. They’re just … men. They’re different from us.)

So it’s some times a lot easier for a relationship to get over a man’s infidelity bcause there is often less to get over. It was just sex. When a woman steps out, it was probably a lot more than that.

How yall feel?

-- Melyssa Ganache