Tuesday, May 20, 2008

The Captain's not comin. Bummer

Captain Save-a-Ho, that is. LOL. Yeah, he’s not coming. I gotta tell ya, as much of a no-brainer as some of you gals might think this is, I’m really, really just coming to realize this … now. No, now. Now.

Okay, it’s a lot to accept. Perhaps calling this fairy-tale guy the Captain is a bit much. I don’t wanna be misunderstood, I’m absolutely not a gold digger. (Clearly. Stupidly, but clearly).

I am however, a traditionalist. I have this set-in idea about men’s and women’s roles in a relationship, no doubt a direct result of my home life as a child, for better or worse. I feel like there are some things a man is just supposed to be responsible for, and likewise, a woman has her duties.

I was actually just having this conversation with a guy friend of mine the other night.

“Yall wanna wear the pants, you want equality, then why don’t you go ahead and pay an equal amount of these bills!?” He drunkenly proclaimed to uproarious laughter from the peanut gallery. Good times. Such a performer, James. Smart ass.

But I’m not one a those chicks. I don’t want “equality.” Never have. I do want fairness though and I recognize that what’s fair for me and what’s fair for a man may not necessarily be equal. I mean, I gotta have the babies. Damn. Not equal. (Somebody might argue that’s not fair either tho, so never mind).

I just want a man to be a man. Take out the garbage, pick up the tab, buy me something nice, fix somethin around here, lay the pipe like nobody’s business and take care of some of these bills. Let’s just keep it 100, most of these bills. Is that bad? (I’m talking about my husband, btw, not a frivolous boyfriend).

I’m all for independent women. My mother is an independent woman. She makes her own money as a school teacher, she just never really had to spend it. Mind you, she made a fraction of my father’s income, and being the southern-bred, country boy that he was, he just let her money stack. He took care of the house note, the car notes and everything else and still came through like Santa with a cape on Christmas. (Love ya Daddy RIP). Meanwhile, my mom raised the kids and took care of the home, in addition to her profession outside the house, of course. She spent her money on what she wanted, when she wanted. What’s wrong with that? But I think pops may have been the last of a dying breed. So sad.

So tell me, am I just being spoiled and perhaps a bit out of touch in wanting a similar model for my own marriage? (Whenever that is). Or is my definition of chivalry really not dead? The last couple guys I’ve dealt with have realy got me feelin like it’s a wrap. Hit up the survey on the right. Preciate ya.


Member this? Back when E-40 was young er. Looooved this song.


alwayswrite said...

I agree 100%. Maybe if things were similar to our parents bringing up, there would be a reduced divorce rate.

I think some men can not see things 50-50. Your either an independent woman and you can take care of EVERYTHING or your a gold digger and you just wanna stay at home and shop all day. There is a fine line and you have to find it with your spouse.

I want the same things you do but the way society is now, I think we have a less and less chance of getting it.

thatnyckhick said...

I completely agree, no one ever said equal was always best. It's a nice notion but does not apply to real life and I really do envision my married life (if i ever have one) in a similar way that you do yours.
I have to say that I know guys like this, who believe in traditional roles. But, their parent's gave them that ideal, and we all know there is a severe shortage of those types of homes raising young men. And even if a guy does want that, I also notice that the longer it takes for them to find "wifey" or the more bad relationships they've been it, the less likely they are t o carry tradition.
As for myself, I make my intentions known from jump. Certain guys are for certain things, and if I even get the notion that dude is around for longer than a year, then he needs to understand what I expect. It kinda sounds harsh and putting "the cart before the horse"...but if that guy is supposed to be that one, then I won't even have to explain all that.

Trin-Trin said...

I want someone who will value me enough to want to take care of me. My father was NOT that man, and I watched my mother suffer, working three jobs to his one, coming home, cooking, cleaning, chasing after 4 kids, while he just sat infront of the big screen (that she bought him) and watch sportscenter. If she asked him to do something he threw a fit (reason num 1 why she was working more than he was). She pointed that shit out to me like, "Don't marry your father...marry someone who will help you and who cares enough about you that he wont sit back and do nothing."

And I have found that, in relationships, I am just like my mother...quick to switch roles, do everything, while dude sits back and takes takes takes. I finally got to a point where I was like, no, I deserve better, and I'm gonna hold out for someone who recognizes that and treats me like that. Cuz seriously, almost every date I've been on, I paid for...almost every present I have ever gotten, I partially paid for, every hotel room...etc...and these hoes aint done shit! fuck that i deserve to be spoiled. and it aint even on no gold digger tip either...i'm a good chick...eff that i'm a GREAT chick...i need someone who recognizes that. no half steppin here...

Melyssa Ganache said...

Thx for the co-signs, Always Write and NY Chick. I'm holdin out hope that we'll find what we're lookin for. No settling! :)

And you are ABSOLUTELY right, Trin-Trin. You are so worth it. Eff that so and so if he doesn't know it and keep it movin. I'm tellin you, it's not just generosity (or lack thereof) that's knockin dudes outta the running. This whole new celibacy thing has me weedin out losers left and right. I think I'm gonna put together a list of requirements and various vigorous tests to make up my new screening process. A nigga is gonna need to be background checked, padded down and come with references and a credit report before he gets up in this. It's so locked down for 2008. LOL.