Monday, May 12, 2008

My man and his boy are a lil too tight. DL?

Dear Melyssa,

I’m a 23-year-old sista and me and my man have been together for a year and a half. The sex was godd at first (never great) but lately it’s nonexistent. We live together and these last few months, he’s been coming home late, working late, and staying out partying. Thing is, he’s given me no real reason to doubt him. He always calls and lets me know where he’s at, or if he’s not gonna be in time for dinner and he’ll just pick something up, or if he and his boy are goin by the bar after work … but that’s the thing. It’s always with his boy. I have never seen a dude call another dude at all times of night like this guy does. He rings my man’s phone at 12, 1 and 2 in the morning all during the week and shyt. What’s up with that? When I ask my man, “what did Damon want this time?” He just blows it off like, “You know Damon, his girl is trippin on him again.” Well I wish dude would find another shoulder to cry on or whatever the hell he’s doin with my man’s shoulder. When I told my girls about this they said I was bein crazy and paranoid. But here’s the biggest part … I usually work on Saturday afternoons, right? Well this particular Saturday they let me go early and I came home and walked in on my man and his boy sittin extra close on the sofa. Nothin super obvious like roaming hands or anything, but they were definitely closer than a couple of heterosexual dudes on a big ol couch should have been. As soon as I walked in they jumped and my man stood up and raced over to greet me. Super suspect.

So, what you think, is my man on the DL?

-- Fingers Crossed

Dear Fingers Crossed,

Damn. Sounds a lil sus to me too. But then, whado I know? I think I must have the worst gaydar in the history of inaccurate gaydar. Hasn’t always been that way. I could pick one out of a line up. Tangent: But there’s a new gayness out now. It’s like wallpaper, it blends in. LOL. I’ll have to tell you the story about one of my exes who used to wear women’s perfume, claimed to have a male period and always always, always wanted me on top ... when he wanted me at all. I can’t even go through that with you right now. I might regurgitate my lunch.

About your man, you know him best. I’d go with my gut. You’re sleeping with this man, eating with this man, sharing things, I imagine … you know him. If somethings not right, you know that, too. My gut tells me, if he jumped, somethin aint right. Best I can tell you is protect yourself. And you might wanna invest in one of those handy little surveillance cams for the bedroom. You can get one that looks like a clock radio. How cool is that?

Lemme know how this one turns out. Best of luck.

-- Mel

Got a query? Holla.


Trin-Trin said...

idk, if it were me, there are just certain things i would not risk. Like Melyssa said, if your gut is telling you something isn't right, then follow it, at least to be on the safe side. Because if he is, not only is he being selfish by keeping you around while he messin wit dude, he's putting you at risk!I'm more or less not the type to even talk about it, just get my shit and chuck the deuces.

thatnyckhick said...

I'm not even tryna play those games. I don't think I've ever been in this situation with someone I've dated. I say I "think" b/c homothugs are running rampant (no disrespect to LGBT community). And I really watch for all that extra stuff between friends, b/c some ish isn't necessary. I'm the only girl amongst three boys, and I know how men act with their friends, if your intuition tells me that ish ain't right then it's not.