Friday, April 25, 2008

Blinded by Love: How much would you take?

The basis of any relationship is trust, right? Whether it’s a friendship, a business partnership a love affair … There are rules and there are boundaries and you trust the other person to govern themselves accordingly.

Of the list of a lover’s expectations, the biggest has gotta be fidelity. Aside from a few of you freakier ones, (shouts), most of us want the man we’re with to only want to be with us. Moreover, regardless as to what he might fantasize about, we fully expect for him to only actually manifest that imagination in our bed. That’s the agreed upon standard.

But what about all the gray between what might be considered harmless flirtation and actual cheating? Where do you draw the line? How much would you take?

An actual recounted experience brought this question to mind. A while back a gal acquaintance was goin thru it with her man at the time. He had this friend at work who seemed to be a little more than a friend. She’d caught him taking long lunches with this chick and lying about it, having flowers sent to her department for her birthday and shyt. He explained all that away with the “Oh we’re just friends. I love her like a sister.” Fine. Then, my girl came across a few out of the way text messages on her man’s phone from this chick.

“Have time for breakfast in the morning? Call me.” “Gnite, sleep tite. XOXOXO,” “Sweet dreams. C U Tmrw!”

WTF? I mean, nothing blatantly, blatantly sexual, but absolutely and undeniably incriminating, none the less. How many friends of the opposite sex do you have that you text good night? C’mon. I was really disturbed by the whole ordeal, but it wasn’t enough for her to be convinced that he was shady. Quite frankly, nothin short of actually catchin her man with his dick in this chick’s mouth was gonna be enough for her.

And true story, that’s exactly what happened. Well she didn’t exactly catch him, but it got back to her that something had gone down in the company parking lot between her man and ole girl.

She confronted him about it and he was like, “I ain’t have sex with that girl, she just sucked my d*ck. I wasn’t gonna f*ck her.” Wow, for real? True story.

And amazingly, that relationship didn’t time out for another several months. Crazy.

But I’ve kinda been there myself. I can recall relationships where I let a whole lotta shyt go with a boyfriend’s blasé excuse. Extra late nights, unaccounted for nights, phone vibratin all at 2 and 3 in the morning, even missing condoms. (Am I the only one who’s counted?)

“Didn’t we have 7 left?”

“Nah, I dropped one. It’s probably under the bed somewhere.”

That’s the kinda shyt I was OK with. The operative word being was. It’s a new day, ladies.

Which brings me to the question, how much would you take? Are late night text messages okay? What about hugs hello, is that cool? Birthday flowers? Kisses on the cheek? Standing lunch dates? Where do you draw the line in your romantic relationship and how much of your trust is actual faith in fidelity and how much is blind love? How dyou know if (and/or when) your man is pulling the wool over your eyes? Just askin.

-- Mel


ThatNYCKhick said...

I'm not a jealous woman, but my fiancee better not do ish! And if he does he better cover his tracks ten times over... I say this b/c when we first started living together (God knows what he did when we weren't) he would call other females, "friends" that he f'd sometime in the past, and discuss everything, including me. I would flip each time, the last time he bought me the engagement ring I'm rocking (no marriage going down, I'm just a sucka for bling). I firmly don't believe he has ever physically cheated on me, if he did/has that'd be his ass. Now, I on the other hand, am a huge emotional cheater, + sometimes I feel guilty, but he f'd me ova so many times, I've ceased to care. Not bitter, just biding my time till I dump his ass.