Thursday, April 3, 2008

Now that we're tied down, can I still be tied up?

es, more on this whole Madonna/whore complex. (It’s kind of a big deal for me as I suffer from a form of it, myself).

Here’s my question, and I ask it at the risk of seemingly belittling the greatest job in the world which is motherhood. So now that I’m a mom, is that the only thing I will ever be able to be? I don’t mean crushing dreams of becoming a doctor or a lawyer, I mean socially, and more specifically, romantically? Are mothers forever relegated to being just moms?

So I was chatting with one of my very good girlfriends, Brandy the other day. Our kids are about the same age, only she did it the right way and got married first. Great. Lol

Anyway, she was giving me the latest installment in this love triangle she’s found herself in. She’s been embroiled in a passionate love affair with this other married guy who lives out of state. They get it in every couple of weeks on the regular and nobody suspects a thing.

Sidebar: I know it’s a mess, and I love her to death so I have told her she can’t keep up with this shyt cause she’s gonna get caught. Same time, her life is so much more exciting than mine right now, so I have no problem listening to the dirty details. I’m a drama whore, what can I say.

Anyway, she’s trying to back out of the elicit affair and get things back on track in the bedroom with the hubby, but he’s not cooperating. Sex with the lover is hot, sweaty and exciting. The husband, she says, is a bore. But it hasn’t always been like that, just the last couple of years since their child was born. The husband apparently can’t see her as the “hot little slut” (LOL love that) that he used to before they became a family.

She’s trying. She said she even bought a hot little nurse outfit and surprised him, but the two of them ended up having an eruption of laughter rather than a sexual one.

“He won’t do anything,” she said. “He doesn’t even wanna pull my hair any more. He was like, ‘I can’t pull the hair of my child’s mother.’”

Wow. And he meant that. It’s not a rarely shared sentiment either. A guy friend of mine told me he could never do all the freaky shyt he did with a certain unnamed someone -- points to self. (They weren’t together at the time. Back off) -- with his baby’s mom. “She’s my baby’s mom,” he explained. As if that explained anything.

Anyway, back to Brandy. Nevermind the sex used to be off the chain, all over the house, whenever, wherever, however and definitely on the daily. Nothin's poppin anymore. Damn. Is this what I have to look forward to?

What is it with men and their difficulty in seeing the multifaceted being that is woman: mother, wife, friend, HBIC … all that. Why I gotta be pegged?

Brandy said she was like, “In the bed, I’m not the mother of your child.” Nothin doin for hubby, tho. Bummer. He better step his game up tho, because my girl already has one foot out the door and he is oblivious.

The flipside tho, and I haven’t brought this to my girl yet, is that he can’t be the only one missing the sexy bedroom antics. And if she’s already exploring her options for alternate satisfaction, how long before he does the same thing? Just a thought. Shouts to Brandy.

-- Mel

Get at me


The Buzzzz said...

I'm a young mother myself mid 20's and at first it was def. hard figuring out if I will continue living my life as me or as Jeremy's mom...I noticed some friends and associates have been distant I guess I wasn't the first person on the list to call to go club hopping but now he's 2 going on 3 and I finally feel I've got me back. Being yourself and being a mom gets to a point where it's interchangeable but at the same time we have to draw the line and say hey "I'm still me" so yea I play, cook and clean for my son but I still give the screw face if a bitch step on my fly shoes and shake my ass in the club when I hear my song lol as for your friend she is playing a losing game trust me